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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am going to try online dating for the first time ever, but i am not sure what I should say on my first message to a girl that catches my interest. I don't really know how online dating really works. Am I just supposed to say hi, or do I have to tell her about myself, or what?
 

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Maybe you should say "hi", tell her a little bit about yourself, and then say something to show interest in her. It can't hurt to say too much. :) Good luck.
 

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I'd keep the message relatively short and playful if you can. And try to make at least one personal observation about her profile that shows you are making some effort and not just cut and pasting a standard message. Online dating can be great but it is also very frustrating. Just keep in mind that attractive girls on the popular online dating sites are getting a LOT of emails. You could write the perfect email and still not get a reply, but don't take that as a rejection. I don't like to describe it this way but it kind of is a numbers game.
 

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Say hi, mention something you liked about her profile (something specific not just that you liked it) or something you found in the profile that you both have common. You can add a short comment about yourself if you find it's relevant after reading her profile. Then ask a question about something. Either about something in her profile or something else you're wondering if she likes. Whatever. You probably up your chances more than 50% of getting a response if you end with a question. It makes it really easy to answer your message and sometimes I've just responded to someone without even checking their profile and pics if they start an interesting conversation right off.

Don't use chat speak, double check any words you aren't sure of the spelling, etc... You have no idea how many messages I did not answer because they were a giant run on sentence, had no punctuation, were full of short cuts like I was reading a text on my cell phone, and so on. If it's hard to read most aren't going to bother.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
thanks guys. I decided to keep it simple and I messaged a few girls with a basic " hello, how are you doing", Ill see what happens. this is all new to me so Im experimenting.
 

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Many don't answer really simple messages. Lots of guys send out canned "Hi, how are you?" or "Message me if you like my profile" type messages to every girl they see on a dating site in order to get as many hits as possible with as little effort as possible. So girls often ignore these. Keep it simple and short but put something specific in it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Many don't answer really simple messages. Lots of guys send out canned "Hi, how are you?" or "Message me if you like my profile" type messages to every girl they see on a dating site in order to get as many hits as possible with as little effort as possible. So girls often ignore these. Keep it simple and short but put something specific in it.
I don't know. I read this online somewhere. There is a lot of info on this crap online, I'm not sure what is really best.
 

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absolutely a numbers game. there are lots and lots of girls online. if you get no response, just message someone else. 1 year, I've met about 8 girls from online. I always start out with like "hey, how's it going?" and if I get a response, then do something more personal. As soon as a girl shows interest at all, my next message is, "want to hang out sometime?" or sometimes the girl will say this first...I think its good to meet right away in person if thats what your looking for, cause it sucks to know someone only online.
 

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Well i'm in a online relationship, i like to call them long distance relationships, because when people say "online" it doesn't seem real. Well in my case, i really didn't know i was going to date him, we were like friends at first. That's how it usually works, friends then more. People say long distance relationships don't work, and there's no hope for them. The ONLY way it'll work is if you REALLY love that person and trust in them 100%. My bf and i have been together for 8months now and we're doing great. Plan on meeting next year. I think like, you should talk to that person for at least a year before you actually meet w/ them so you can make sure you really know each other.
 

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I think the most frequent complaint from women is that the e-mails they get are not personal, as if their profile was not even read. (I read forum posts on dating sites :D)

And humor is always good. Well not always..:p

But if they like your pic and profile, guess what? You could write freakin' algebra equations on the damn message and they will still message you back. :p

Kinda like in person with opening lines I guess. Anyway, I would err on the side of caution and not write algebra equations unless you or her are into mathematics--in which case, doing so would be %^$ing brilliant!!!! :p
 

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I might attempt to answer a message of algebra equations. lol It wouldn't be a good start though. I wouldn't really answer them so much out of interest in the person as to answer the challenge of doing them. I probably wouldn't make much effort toward getting to know the guy who sent a message like that unless he sent some better messages in response.

If someone sends me a really crappy message I don't even look at their pic and profile.
 

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You will read all sorts of contradictory advice about this. But the beauty of online dating is that there are thousands of people on there. I got quite good at crafting emails that would get a response, but it took a while, and a lot of it was trial and error. Experiment a little and you will work out what works for you. A little humor is always good, but come across as too cocky and you may not get a reply. It's a fine line.
 

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I am going to try online dating for the first time ever, but i am not sure what I should say on my first message to a girl that catches my interest. I don't really know how online dating really works. Am I just supposed to say hi, or do I have to tell her about myself, or what?
Here is the just:

Online sites are boomed with men emailing women. The hotter the girl, the more emails she will recieve. So when you decide on messaging someone your interested in, realize their level of email influx. Some women get DOZENS of emails from guys per day! Why is this beneficial for you to know? A: If they do not respond it could be because of a variety of reasons beyond your message itself B: sometimes having a well-outlined emailw ill do nothing for you

Here's my advise....I had to learn this myself...

Don't put too much energy or thought into emails. Do not give a simple wink or flower or w/e stupid thing these sites have. Women respond MUCH better to questions. Be sincere and be polite. The best thing you can say is this: "Hi, how are you?"... or you can state why your emailing them: "Hey, how's it going? I saw your picture and I thought you were pretty so I wanted to say hi :). So, how is was your week/weekend?"... your just starting normal casual conversation.

The downfall to interenet dating sites is, once again, the multitude and it being less personalized as real world circumstances would be. If you are nice and polite 50% of the women will respond. Going on dates is a whole other thing lol... when you get to that point we will talk later... GL!!

P.S. Treat people they way you want to be treated. Attract the people you want to go out with. Dating is a numbers game. One day it sucks like no other, the other day it seems to be too easy. Expect to be rejected because it's going to happen more than success but that's dating! :)
 

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"Hi, how are you?" is pretty worthless. Just read through their profile and try to find one thing about them that you can start a conversation about, and write a sentence or two about it. Something that gives them a reason to write back, like a question.

For instance, the other day a girl sent me a message that just said "hey." What am I supposed to do with that?

If they are attractive, they will be getting dozens of emails each day along the lines of "yo babe u r fine call me sumtime". Guys just message as many girls as possible and then pursue the 1 or 2 responses they get, just like spammers.

(Although if you don't mind being a creepy spammer and don't care what kind of girl you end up with, I suppose you could go that route... :))
 

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I'd be too embarrassed to try online dating for fear someone I know would come across my listing. Plus, I don't have a job, social life, live with my parents among other issues. That's tough to sell on a dating service. On paper, I sound even less appealing than I actually am.
 

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I'd be too embarrassed to try online dating for fear someone I know would come across my listing. Plus, I don't have a job, social life, live with my parents among other issues. That's tough to sell on a dating service. On paper, I sound even less appealing than I actually am.
So if someone judges you for living at home or being unemployed rather than the type of person you are, should you be interested in them in the first place? Alot of people go off the rails and maybe need help getting back on, its the person who can see past your current circumstances and see you as a person, and want to help you, you should be interested in. And that person, therefore, wont be put off by your living at home or being unemployed. Just be honest and be yourself.

As for not wanting people you know to find you ... then you could not have a picture of yourself and decide to reveal your personal details/pictures etc to someone after getting to know them abit, so that won't be an issue.
 

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'Long-distance online relationships' are in my opinion completely delusional so that's that sorry...

..if you're actually trying to meet someone, i.e. from the same locality then that's more realistic.

I've tried online dating, had one short relationship, a string of wasted nights and a regretful one-night stand. So in conclusion, I'd say stay away from it!! You are a million times more likely to meet someone who you actually like if you go to a nightclub, meet someone through your friends (if you make the effort to keep up with them) or some other club or institution that you are interested in, than you will finding it online.

Despite the claim that online dating means you'll find someone with similar interests more easily, chances are you're going to meet someone as f*****d up as you are - otherwise why else would they be advertising online, unless of course you are of the older generation and there are less avenues for meeting people :p

If you are in a relationship with someone you have met online then you are either happy and extremely lucky or delusional (again) and needy - you are only in the relationship to make yourself feel better.

Besides, you don't necessarily have to have loads of similar interests with another person to fall in love with them, but you DO have to be able to love yourself before you can love another - so this is the real issue.

...rant over! :D
 

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I think online dating is good to pursue if you live someplace like New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, etc. Otherwise, the numbers are still just too small to be meaningful. There's a big difference between 100,000 guys competing for 10,000 women, and 1000 guys competing for 100 women. If you assume that 1% of women would be interested in you, in the first case you have 100 possibilities, in the second case you have 1. It's a numbers game.
 

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"Hi, how are you?" is pretty worthless. Just read through their profile and try to find one thing about them that you can start a conversation about, and write a sentence or two about it. Something that gives them a reason to write back, like a question.

For instance, the other day a girl sent me a message that just said "hey." What am I supposed to do with that?

If they are attractive, they will be getting dozens of emails each day along the lines of "yo babe u r fine call me sumtime". Guys just message as many girls as possible and then pursue the 1 or 2 responses they get, just like spammers.

(Although if you don't mind being a creepy spammer and don't care what kind of girl you end up with, I suppose you could go that route... :))
It's worthless? Hm, works for me....

Oh, and yeah... when someone says "hey" your say "hey" back or do you need to read their profile first?

I used to think online dating is a way to meet not so quality people, but who the hell is truly "quality"? Someone mentioned a nightclub!? come on... and you want advice from them? Online dating is just as good as meeting someone at school, at work, at a bar, w/e... you can always CALL them before you go on a date with them. You can meet quality people anywhere if you know what your looking for. I've met good people from dating sites. Some are too busy to meet people, others are shy, others just look at it as a nother way to meet people..no biggy.. nothing special involved.
 
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