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I hate having SAD. I'm 27 years old and have never had a boyfriend. I've been told I'm pretty. I still feel that I'm ugly(no matter what some people say) and that is why I don't have a boyfriend. There have been almosts, but they almosts have mostly been with guys I'm not attracted to. I feel like I'm am a magnet for guys who are dorks,drug addicts, or have some sort of mental illness. I feel like I'm cursed because there are so many almosts, but never any haves.

I feel like if i want to date, then I have to do what is most comfortable for me. That is to start online dating. I have an account with OK Cupid, Myyearbook,and My Space. I mostly get on Ok Cupid and MyYearbook. On MyYearbook,I've had so many friend requests and flirts and messages from guys who want to yahoo message me because I'm "hot". One guy keeps giving me his number for me to call. I don't know if I should call him(I hate making phone calls). He also wants to fly down from Minnesota to here in Utah to meet me. I'm scared to death to meet guys that just like my looks and what I put in my profile. I'm afraid that they may be disappointed when they meet me and I'm not what they expected.

One guy on Ok Cupid knows how I am. He gave me his phone number and said for me to call him when I am comfortable. He seems understanding. I was honest in my profile about being very quiet. Again though he is not my type.

One other thing I hate that when guys online want to talk to me, they want to know right away if I have a webcam. I lie and say I don't because I'm afraid that my pics online may make me seem more attractive than I appear on camera.

Online relationships are tougher than they seem,especially for people with SAD
 

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Starlight and moonbeams
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I had an internet girlfriend once, but I broke off the relationship. I didn't feel it was going to go anywhere, because we had never met in person, and I was kind of afraid to. I can understand the hesitation.

The sad thing is, I get so nervous in RL that over the internet is probably the only way I'll ever meet anyone, yet I'm afraid to meet anyone in RL from over the internet.
 

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I realize that online dating is different to simple talking online, but if the first question a guy asked me was, "Do you have a webcam?" I would be turned off immediately. Just seems a little superficial to me (even when considering the "comfirmation that you are you" thing).
 

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It can be done. I met my wife online and we have been married for 9 years. You just have to keep talking with them online and get comfortable then take it to the next step which is the phone and then when you are comfortable with that move to meeting in person. Just take it very slow and build up trust. There is no hurry, that is the key... take it slow and steady as you move through the steps. If they really like you, they will be understanding along the way.
 

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It can be done. I met my wife online and we have been married for 9 years. You just have to keep talking with them online and get comfortable then take it to the next step which is the phone and then when you are comfortable with that move to meeting in person. Just take it very slow and build up trust. There is no hurry, that is the key... take it slow and steady as you move through the steps. If they really like you, they will be understanding along the way.
Yeah what I'm scared about most is all the horror stories you hear in the news about people being killed by someone they met online.
 

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I used to talk to a guy online a lot but I actually know him in real life cos he goes to my school. It didn't work out though because I'm more open and social online and my anxiety prevented me from really letting him get closer when I was around him in person. Those stories scare me though when someone met a dude online and was kidnapped or worse, so I'd be careful with meeting someone who I have no clue of what they really might be like in real life. Take things slowly and stay cautious.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
yeah i know the dangers. It's like this guy wants to meet me even though I just talked to him online. When I get on the site, I automaticallly use the sign off chat option, in case he's on. I am weary of any guy that wants to meet me practically right away. I have pretty good judgment when it comes things like this.

For the other guy, I get better vibes off. This guy lives closer, just 1 hour a way.
 

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I met my husband via OK Cupid, but had the same concerns about online dating that you have now. His communications with me were always about regular stuff rather than how I looked, how he looked, what we'd do, etc. He started out telling me about his recent trip to Boston and what he does at work... very normal things like that. That was what put me at ease enough to meet up with him at a very public place for our first date.

Everyone else has given good advice: take it slow and definitely follow your instincts when something doesn't feel right. And, above all, carry a sword.

Best of luck to you. It can work!
 

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I think online dating can work but you have to be very honest and not lead anybody on. I would be weary of people who want to text you because you're "hot", they may be too forward and creepy. Take things slow and I think you can find the right person on line. I know a lot of people who've met their match online.

I am too scared to date people online let alone in life.
 

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I am currently chatting with a girl I met online. It has been a 2 weeks of exchanging messages. I currently owe her a message. But I haven't written her back in about a week. I have this horrible guilty googling obsession and found out who she was. She may be anorexic.

I feel like I am using that as an excuse to not write back, but its typical behavior on my part to push people away.

I suppose I will write her back but I don't see this going anywhere.

i have a plentyoffish account and have gotten some emails from some brave girls but I have never written back. I figure why bother writing back, I have no interest in them.
 

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I recently signed up for eHarmony.com because I have a horrible dating history (more like none at all) and figured it would be easier to find people online, talk to them online first and get comfortable with them before meeting them.

I found, first of all, that in choosing a site to meet people, it's best to choose a pay site. Yes, I paid about $100 for a 3-month membership, but I figured that if I find the right guy on there, he'll be more than worth that $100. Non-pay sites are filled with creepy weird people who just want to find someone hot to get laid. Or someone to kidnap, rape, and murder.. you know.

I've been talking to one guy for a couple weeks, with random MSN conversations, a few texts, and a couple e-mails. I told him from the start that this was my first time doing the online dating site thing, and it's a bit weird to me still, so I might need time to get comfortable with the whole situation. He was completely understanding. He doesn't want to rush anything that I'm not comfortable with. He tried to move to phone calls, but after a couple excuses, I admitted that I just wasn't ready, and he was fully willing to wait until I was.

Here's where you will find if the person is GOOD or BAD. If they'll wait and go at your pace and your comfort, then they are worth talking to. If they don't care to give you your time, they weren't worth it. That's why on pay sites, it's more of a possibility that you will find those people that are GOOD because they have similar intentions, they paid for this site and are looking for the right person. Not just some hot babe.

I also have the issue of meeting someone with the fear that I will not be what they expected, look wise. I am a bit overweight, and I know my photos don't show it as much. So my mind is always wondering whether a person will be turned off by my looks. But I keep trying to convince myself that if they aren't interested, then they weren't worth it in the first place, and so what.. you wasted a bit of time at an attempt, and they were just not the right one. If anything, it's a bit of practice at talking to a person and possibly going on a date. Better that you get a bit of practice so that when you meet the right one, you'll feel better about it.
 

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I guess my experiences fall into a few categories:

1) Girls sending me their phone number out of nowhere. I actually mustered up the courage to call one, but she said she wanted to do text messaging. We exchanged a few messages and she still seemed interested after a few days, but I stopped contacting her because I couldn't stand text messaging. I feel bad about letting her go.

2) Pointless one-liners, "what's up?" A couple of these girls were rather attractive. It feels like it's a test to see how I'll respond, and see how confident/witty/social I am. Even when I do bother to reply, I won't get anything back.

3) One girl I talked to who lived in another city, I initiated the contact, but we actually seemed to have some things in common and exchanged messages over a couple months. It got slower over time as I had less and less to say, and she kept saying she was too busy to meet up on the weekend, until she told me she was getting serious with someone else. :flush

For some reason, I'm getting even less interest than I got last year.
 

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I hate having SAD. I'm 27 years old and have never had a boyfriend. I've been told I'm pretty. I still feel that I'm ugly(no matter what some people say) and that is why I don't have a boyfriend. There have been almosts, but they almosts have mostly been with guys I'm not attracted to. I feel like I'm am a magnet for guys who are dorks,drug addicts, or have some sort of mental illness. I feel like I'm cursed because there are so many almosts, but never any haves.

I feel like if i want to date, then I have to do what is most comfortable for me. That is to start online dating. I have an account with OK Cupid, Myyearbook,and My Space. I mostly get on Ok Cupid and MyYearbook. On MyYearbook,I've had so many friend requests and flirts and messages from guys who want to yahoo message me because I'm "hot". One guy keeps giving me his number for me to call. I don't know if I should call him(I hate making phone calls). He also wants to fly down from Minnesota to here in Utah to meet me. I'm scared to death to meet guys that just like my looks and what I put in my profile. I'm afraid that they may be disappointed when they meet me and I'm not what they expected.

One guy on Ok Cupid knows how I am. He gave me his phone number and said for me to call him when I am comfortable. He seems understanding. I was honest in my profile about being very quiet. Again though he is not my type.

One other thing I hate that when guys online want to talk to me, they want to know right away if I have a webcam. I lie and say I don't because I'm afraid that my pics online may make me seem more attractive than I appear on camera.

Online relationships are tougher than they seem,especially for people with SAD
Honestly, most them guys spamming you with "you're hot" , phone numbers, asking your Yahoo, and saying they wanna meet.... are... probably trying to simply get laid. Don't even add them on Yahoo until a few weeks of knowing them and talking a bunch on the site, then add them, then wait months if you have to just to talk on the phone. Then wait several more months before thinking about meeting in real life. That way, if he sticks with you for that long, hopefully, odds are he actually likes you and is in it more than just getting laid.

So with online relationships, time is your best bet. If they can wait so long(several months) while talking to you a lot, then hopefully they actually like you.

The next guy that asks your number, asks for your Yahoo, or whatever, just right after meeting you, you should just ignore. Honestly, normal people suck, normal men only care about sex, although it's same with abnormal men too, just not nearly as badly. But it's not with all people.

Some people with SA wanna find a normal person to date, I can see why. But if you're getting spammed by the horny jerkholes, then try a less popular site for shy people or people with SA. They do have sites specificly for people with SA or sites with SA as a group. Just ask me if you'd like to know them.

So remember. Stay away from the people asking Yahoo, phone number, if you have a webcam, and asking to meet in person. Atleast if it's too early. I mean Yahoo messenger isn't so bad, if you like him back. But any other ones within a few weeks, probably a bad thing. Meaning stay safe on them sites.
 
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