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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I feel so ****ing sad right now. I don't know where to begin honestly but I feel that if I don't type this out, my voice will not be heard. I am sitting in my room, holding back so many tears. I am so used to waiting until my family goes to bed and the house is completely silent to let out my frustration, sadness and anger. I hate feeling so alone in this world. I know that there are people that feel much worse than I do, believe me I know, but I cannot help feeling the way I do. I hate not having someone to turn to, someone to listen to me. I hate this isolation that I feel. I know that my family loves me as I love them but they are not the type of people who are understanding of my predicament. I have a slight suspicion that they themselves feel as lonely as I do however they have their own coping mechanisms. Why not me? Why do I have to constantly be plagued with these negative thoughts in my head? Why do I have to turn into such a pessimistic and cynical human being?

I just feel so tired of not being listened to. If I could just vent my frustrations onto somebody that would help me so much! I have all this pain in my heart and I don't know how to dissolve it. I feel so alone. So alone... Ever since I first remember, I have always felt out of place. Before though, it was never as noticeable to me as it is now. Now I see that I am such an outsider. I do not belong. I hate feeling like this. I have gone to therapy, am still going to therapy and I know that my social anxiety has gotten extremely better than before, but now I feel that it's being replaced by this cloud. This damn cloud that lingers in my subconscious and conscious mind. Why am I so lonely?

Ever since I remember, people have always betrayed me, abandoned me. My alcoholic father for one. Thank you dear old dad for those lovely memories of me calling the police on you. I remember my mother having to hide from him and having some of out 'friends' help us hide. Of course, my dad always found us. Thanks to our 'friends'! But even that could have been forgiven if I just had someone to talk to about these things. High school I feel is what takes the cake though. Oh who could forget high school? Where beautiful rumors and horrible peers linger in a grotesque building seeing whose life could be ruined next. And all those friends that said they would be there for me? Always finding me when they had their problems. I was always their shoulder to cry on. And where is mine? Where is the shoulder that I need when I feel like I'm drowning in this damn ocean of isolation. All of them have gone and made their lives with their significant others. I am alone. Just me and myself. I keep hoping for the day that I will meet my other self, the person that will hold me during these dark times and tell me that it is going to be alright. 19 years and still waiting. Maybe I'm just not meant to be with someone. Silly, awkward, quiet Clarice.

If my sarcasm offends somebody, I do apologize. As I said before, this is simply me unleashing some of my inner demons to gain some amount of consolation. Right now my mind seems calmer at least. I am also sorry if these paragraphs seem random and unfitting. I didn't know how to start so I decided to just go with what was on my mind. There are times where I honestly wish I could just stop existing. Not die, just simply cease to be. That way I wouldn't have to feel so much pain. I hope one day this cloud simply goes away and that I will be able to live happily.

If not, I could always just fly.
 

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Tortured Artist Cliche
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We understand. Don't worry about sarcasm as long as your venting, the first step is getting it all out. Here's hoping we can all find some help here.
Welcome.
 

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Welcome, Clarice342! :)
 

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Hi Clarice342,

I feel the exact same way. I try to comfort myself by saying that this is just part of being human and thinking about some stuff other than what ordinary people do think about! I mean they are so saturated in life's byproducts that they don't have time to realize how lonely they really are! Just know that you're not alone. Welcome and send me a message if you want to talk :)
 

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Welcome. You will find people who will listen to you here.
 

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Welcome Clarice342, many people here can relate to your situation. You're not alone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank you all for replying! I am so glad that I found a place where I can just let my voice be heard! I hope you are all doing well and know that if you need anyone to listen, I am more than happy to help.

It feels like such a relief to know that I am not alone
 
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