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Myself
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
An important issue with social interaction is how we present ourselves. That's why people obsess over the way they look, because human beings are more judgmental than God. Unfortunately, nature has a "screw you" policy when it comes to looking good, because fat is extremely seditious in its fight to remain, despite the fact that the only thing it really helps is for insulation and buoyancy, two things which are solved by clothing which comes about as a part that we were too stupid as a species to keep our fur. Oh, and inner tubes.

Diets come and go, telling you what to eat while generally neglecting that exercise is an unfortunately essential and inexorably boring part of nutrition. Still, eating is a big part of nutrition. We don't have time to gnaw on a turnip or a mini lettuce leaf or whatever it is that's still considered "healthy" in this world even without the health deficits caused by the inhumane conditions of indentured servitude. Other times we just NEED to splurge to countermand the crippling depression that humans simply don't take seriously, and that requires trying some food cooked by people who presumably know how to cook professionally, even though they don't know how to pay their own wait staff. But as we know, all that stuff will murder you with artery-clogging mutant death! Or will it?

That's why I'm here to bring you the new KFC Diet Plan! For those of you blinded by regionalism, KFC stands for "Kitchen Fresh Chicken" or "Kentucky Fried Chicken" or "Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti". And here's how the diet work.

The KFC Diet Plan mandates that you only eat KFC. Ever. For any meal. Now you may be saying, "Hey, Steve, doesn't KFC contain fried chicken and greasy starches and meats? How can that possibly be healthy?" Well, my name isn't Steve, you inconsiderate knob! But you're absolutely right otherwise; greasy fried fast food is a form of institutional suicide. Why, I was goaded into cramming a lard-laden chunky bit of slimy faux-chicken because my family apparently owes shares of stock in the company or something because they've ordered the same exact goddang thing from KFC for the past 20+ years. I'd cook, but they won't let me, and I only do fish (I don't do fish fingers). Or at least I would if I knew how to cook fish. I was connived into devouring aforementioned "chicken" for the sake of avoiding domestic drama from three adults with steady incomes yet can't maintain a household budget and want to raise children. And my stomach is making deranged noises. Seriously, I feel like one end of me is about to look like the cover of Dianetics. I'd probably phone a doctor if I didn't need to afford health care in order to receive it. Plus which, the "chicken" will likely give you diarrhea. So much for my bowels!

So if KFC is disgusting and nasty (which as a person having just eaten it I can make these subjective observations, and I'm willing to surmise that a noncorrupt, intelligent nutritionist might have something to say about fast food), how can somebody possibly get healthier by eating it to lose weight? Well, that is the trick, isn't it? Because KFC is so abhorrently foetid and repulsively nauseating that nobody could rationally stand to consume it! Therefore you eat LESS! Et voila!

I have to go throw up now. Yecch.
 

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An important issue with social interaction is how we present ourselves. That's why people obsess over the way they look, because human beings are more judgmental than God. Unfortunately, nature has a "screw you" policy when it comes to looking good, because fat is extremely seditious in its fight to remain, despite the fact that the only thing it really helps is for insulation and buoyancy, two things which are solved by clothing which comes about as a part that we were too stupid as a species to keep our fur. Oh, and inner tubes.

Diets come and go, telling you what to eat while generally neglecting that exercise is an unfortunately essential and inexorably boring part of nutrition. Still, eating is a big part of nutrition. We don't have time to gnaw on a turnip or a mini lettuce leaf or whatever it is that's still considered "healthy" in this world even without the health deficits caused by the inhumane conditions of indentured servitude. Other times we just NEED to splurge to countermand the crippling depression that humans simply don't take seriously, and that requires trying some food cooked by people who presumably know how to cook professionally, even though they don't know how to pay their own wait staff. But as we know, all that stuff will murder you with artery-clogging mutant death! Or will it?

That's why I'm here to bring you the new KFC Diet Plan! For those of you blinded by regionalism, KFC stands for "Kitchen Fresh Chicken" or "Kentucky Fried Chicken" or "Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti". And here's how the diet work.

The KFC Diet Plan mandates that you only eat KFC. Ever. For any meal. Now you may be saying, "Hey, Steve, doesn't KFC contain fried chicken and greasy starches and meats? How can that possibly be healthy?" Well, my name isn't Steve, you inconsiderate knob! But you're absolutely right otherwise; greasy fried fast food is a form of institutional suicide. Why, I was goaded into cramming a lard-laden chunky bit of slimy faux-chicken because my family apparently owes shares of stock in the company or something because they've ordered the same exact goddang thing from KFC for the past 20+ years. I'd cook, but they won't let me, and I only do fish (I don't do fish fingers). Or at least I would if I knew how to cook fish. I was connived into devouring aforementioned "chicken" for the sake of avoiding domestic drama from three adults with steady incomes yet can't maintain a household budget and want to raise children. And my stomach is making deranged noises. Seriously, I feel like one end of me is about to look like the cover of Dianetics. I'd probably phone a doctor if I didn't need to afford health care in order to receive it. Plus which, the "chicken" will likely give you diarrhea. So much for my bowels!

So if KFC is disgusting and nasty (which as a person having just eaten it I can make these subjective observations, and I'm willing to surmise that a noncorrupt, intelligent nutritionist might have something to say about fast food), how can somebody possibly get healthier by eating it to lose weight? Well, that is the trick, isn't it? Because KFC is so abhorrently foetid and repulsively nauseating that nobody could rationally stand to consume it! Therefore you eat LESS! Et voila!

I have to go throw up now. Yecch.
People can eventually develop allergy to chicken when eating it too long.
 

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Good rant.
 

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nerdy.
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nothing beats friendly's.. i had a grilled cheese sandwich, a chicken sandwich, and anther grilled cheese sandwich.

THIS WAS ALL IN THE SAME SANDWICH.

i felt odd for days
 
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