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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hi everyone.
not sure if some of you remember me or not.. but anyway..

over the summer, i've changed so much. my perception towards others, how i think of myself, etc. and i got rid of about 90% of my anxiety. I was able to be more "myself" at school (im still in hs) and the first month of school has been really great-i've been feeling so much more confident and plain happy at school.

But recently, i've noticed that a lot of people who i've gotten to know for the first few weeks of school are slowly moving away from me. I thought i would make close friends, but now i think there is something wrong with my personality. I've been so positive, always trying to talk to people and make friends, but recently, i noticed that i get an honest impression of them not liking me. I think i've been too confident about myself, so now i know that the person who i really am is not likeable. I dont know if it's just me, but i really feel so lonely. I try so hard, and i've only made 2 real friends..but one of them already has so many other close friends (who i've tried to be friends with but they just hate me. i dont know why. maybe it's because the things i say are mean or something..) and the other one seems to like me but is more obsessed with making friends with other people. f*cking pisses me off. and today, i texted one of them saying, it's friday!. at the same time, she was with one of her friends, and she made her text me back saying "i'm watching you" as a prank (because i dont know that it was her). i replied back saying "Wtf. who are you", but the answer i got made her seem like i was so mean. she said "aww thats not nice, haha sorry"... idk if its just me, but after reading that i felt like crying.
Any on facebook, since they were at someones house, they made a "facebook quiz".. and instead of the girl who doesnt like me posting on my wall like how she talks to other friends excitedly and whatnot, she just writes, "take our quiz please" like a f*cking rude b*tch talking to me, a girl who has no friends because shes too mean and arrogant. what's wrong with me? why can't i make close friends? in fact, the people who i've talked to for the past month seem talk less to me, and i alredy know that some of them are talking about me behind my back. I know, sometimes, i can say things that aren't very nice, but i dont know why. I Think i'm so desperate to say stuff now that i would just always say the first thing that comes to my mind. i hurt people's feelings or say things that just arent....sympathetic!

I don't know how to change. Is this really who i am? An unlikeable person that everyone hates? I guess i've turned from "freaky weird shy girl" to "mean arrogant *****"

:cry:

One girl who liked me last year totally hates me now. I DONT KNOW WHY. I DIDNT DO ANYTHING. i try to f*cking talk to her and her friends, who i thought were decent people, but now they all hate me, and don't talk to me. they even talk to this girl (that they make fun of) more nicely than to me. today we were doing a bio lab, and 4 of them (one of whom is a fcking arrogant a**hole who always talks to me like i'm a dumb b*tch) asked the nerdy girl that they make fun of to sit with them at the lab table. meanwhile i was standing right next to her, and they didn't even glance at me.

i was happier with SA. i just want to cry forever now because now i have a legit reason to hate my life.
 

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First of all, it is very hard to find good friends these days. Trust me. For some reason, although I have SA I've never had a problem making friends. I guess the reason is because I'm a 100% myself all the time. I don't try to be someone else, I don't try and make myself be more outgoing and positive. I'm a classic example of what you see is what you get. I present myself as I am and people are either going to accept you or not. Maybe that is your problem. You are trying to shape yourself to fit whatever mold you need to make and retain friends. By doing that not only are you not being true to yourself but it's going to make for a long and lonely existence. My suggestion is just to be yourself.

People always have to initiate conversation with me and over time I'm able to open up more and more. They quickly learn that I am not a very social person and that I'm not going to be an "activities partner" for them. It only seems to be a problem if I have a very outgoing friend who is like "I so wish you would go with me" or something like that but then I just tell them that I can't and they understand. High school is a very difficult time for most people. You're no longer a child but not yet an adult and it's a time for most kids to try and figure out who they really are. Having said that, when you have a form of social anxiety it makes being a teenager even more difficult.

I wish I had the exact right words for you but I really don't. I hope that you are able to learn something from what I've said and be able to apply it to your life. If you need or want to talk about anything we are all here for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
First of all, it is very hard to find good friends these days. Trust me. For some reason, although I have SA I've never had a problem making friends. I guess the reason is because I'm a 100% myself all the time. I don't try to be someone else, I don't try and make myself be more outgoing and positive. I'm a classic example of what you see is what you get. I present myself as I am and people are either going to accept you or not. Maybe that is your problem. You are trying to shape yourself to fit whatever mold you need to make and retain friends. By doing that not only are you not being true to yourself but it's going to make for a long and lonely existence. My suggestion is just to be yourself.

People always have to initiate conversation with me and over time I'm able to open up more and more. They quickly learn that I am not a very social person and that I'm not going to be an "activities partner" for them. It only seems to be a problem if I have a very outgoing friend who is like "I so wish you would go with me" or something like that but then I just tell them that I can't and they understand. High school is a very difficult time for most people. You're no longer a child but not yet an adult and it's a time for most kids to try and figure out who they really are. Having said that, when you have a form of social anxiety it makes being a teenager even more difficult.

I wish I had the exact right words for you but I really don't. I hope that you are able to learn something from what I've said and be able to apply it to your life. If you need or want to talk about anything we are all here for you.
But it's so hard to be myself.. I thought that's what i've been doing all along.. but it feels like i can't find myself..i don't know who i am.. i dont know how to act.. i feel a block in me that prevents me from being myself. am i afraid to be myself? do i think that the true me is not a good person? i can't figure it out. maybe you're right. i'm still trying to find myself. but i feel like perhaps the true me really is this mean b*tch who only knows how to say things to hurt people's feelings.
 

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I can relate to that. Just the other day I was instant messaging a friend of mine. He lives in another state and for some reason he asked me what I really thought about him. Now, I'm a very honest person and he knew by asking me that I would tell him how I truly felt. So, before I told him I asked him was he sure because I could be really mean. He said yes he was sure. I went on to pretty much rip him to shreds. He got really upset and told me that after all the hard work he had put into himself to be a better person in my eyes he was nothing and teeny tiny. He said that he doesn't understand how I can say so many hurtful things without missing a beat. He then said something that really struck home "I find it a shame that when you know a guy likes you, you say the most hurtful and mean things so he won't like you anymore and you wonder why you can't find a nice guy".

I apologized heavily and told him he shouldn't have asked but even though what I said was true, didn't give me the right to say it. He says we are cool now and he wasn't mad just hurt. So I can be a real b*tch myself lol! I think most people are afraid to be themselves because they think if they put themselves out there and get rejected what's left? But anyone who doesn't like you for you, isn't really worth your time anyway. Not everyone is going to like you, making and keeping friends is something that you get what you put in. Don't be afraid to be you and it may take time for you to figure out who that is but just think about it every other teenager out there is going through the same thing. That should be of some comfort.
 
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