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In the past year, my social anxiety has gotten better. I've done a lot of stuff that I would never have been able to do a few years ago. I've gotten my GED, I've been helping out in my family's business which involves interacting with people, I got my permit and a bunch of other stuff... I thought I was doing well enough that I could start taking some classes at my local community college, but now I'm not so sure.

My first class went okay, but my second one didn't.

The day I signed up for classes, I went to the school bookstore to buy my books and I was told that I couldn't buy the book I needed for math until after I had been to class, so I get to class and we're told that we have to have the book before we can start. They told those of us that didn't have it to go to the bookstore and get it. So, we get outside and I realize that I'm the only one that has to walk to the bookstore. A "normal" person would have went back in and asked for a ride or at least asked somebody in the bookstore for a ride once they got there. Me? I get upset and walk over, feeling like an idiot the whole time. Luckily, someone offered me a ride or I would have walked back. By the time we got there though, I'd missed part of the instructions and was left wondering about a lot of it.

Honestly, what my family and friends don't understand is that it's not about me not being smart enough to handle the classes. It's about me just being anxious about being in an unfamiliar situation where I know no one. It's about my anxiety getting in the way of me asking for help. It's about my lack of self esteem making it even harder for me to ask for help... If a "normal" person doesn't understand something, they ask for help. Me? I beat myself up over and over, and get upset at myself for not understanding.

Not being in control of a situation really tends to trigger my anxiety, and not being able to just leave if it gets too bad for me really makes me feel out of control. It also means I spend half of my time worrying that my ride won't be on time.

Pretty much the only thing keeping me from not going back is the fact that I would feel guilty about losing the money we paid for the classes. And I know that the next few months will be filled with a ton of anxiety and stress, if I do keep going, and I'm not sure that I can handle it.

Has anyone else been through this? Any advice?
 
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