Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,

I've been looking online searching for just about everything related to social anxiety disorder, but I'm still not feeling sure enough as to if I actually have it or not.

I did take some online tests, the most notable of which was that Liebowitz test, which I "scored", trying to be as conservative as possible, 107 on, or "severe social anxiety".

The reason why I came across this disorder, was because for the past couple months I've been very depressed, and recently I've been having very often thoughts of suicide, and I was going to do it had I not been convinced by some of my online friends to tell my parents, (although I didn't tell them exactly -how- severe it was..I don't want to be judged even more about it, it's bad enough..), and they removed the means through which I was going to do so.


First of all, I've always been considered "shy"...but in my opinion, it's much worse than what other people have. For example, for the duration of highschool, I haven't been able to eat breakfast during the morning before school (this continues into my 2nd year of college btw, which is presently) for avoidance of vomiting everytime.

I don't really have problems going to public bathrooms, but I almost never use the urinals..I hate their lack of privacy, I feel..judged and exposed, when I use one..

My first week of the (second, even!) year of college and even after not eating, I would dry heave quite a few times, just from the nausea I guess, and that horrible feeling in my stomach.

I don't have really have any friends in "real life", I don't like answering the phone and try to avoid it at all costs, or else I get really nervous. I don't like calling people, when I had to go to schedule a doctor's appointment a year or so ago for a different reason, I spent at least an hour just trying to find the courage to finally take the phone that was in my hand and dial the number. When I'm on the phone I'm incredibly nervous and am shaking (perhaps not visibly though).

I've only been to like one party, which was when I was 10 or so, maybe. Throughout my life all of the invitations I've been giving...while liking the people who were having it, I would always throw them out. But I always accept the invitations, because I don't want to say "oh, no thanks, I don't want to go to your party". I like the people who are throwing them and am what I would consider "friends" with them, but I never hang(ed) out with them outside of school.

Presentations are horrible. Just the thought of giving one e.g. a week from now makes my heart race and my stomach hurt...And during the duration I'll be really shaking (once again, I don't *think* anyone can see me), but my lip will indeed sometimes quiver....my heart is racing, I'm sweating a lot and my mind just goes blank half the time; I'm also horrible at speaking during that time.

I absolutely *hate* groupwork, and as soon as the teacher says "so, here's a group project.." I exhibit the same exact symptoms. Then I begin to think "oh no..who do I work with? Do I have to find them, or are they preselected..oh I hope they're preselected..because I don't know who to be with".

Even right now, tomorrow I know is a group activity...well, we're just signing up for the groups, but I'm so freaking nervous about it.

Whenever presentations, tests, quizzes, group work, or even some new social change, like "this class will be held in (some different room) on this day" makes me so nervous, I have great difficulties sleeping the night before..and otherwise I have no issues sleeping. In fact, I'm normally a very hard sleeper (go to sleep in like 10 minutes, and I'll sleep through anything, and usually oversleep).

I have a car, but I still don't like driving. It's nice in the sense that I can go anywhere and listen to my music, but I'm always so nervous in traffic (well, it isn't really traffic since I drive in a rural town), but I always think that the person behind me thinks I'm driving too slow, especially when I go to make a turn and that person wants to go straight and is driving relatively fast). When I had my roadtest, I had those nervous feelings for like a week at least.

I went to take the test, the guy hopped in my car and I put it in reverse while looking forward (lol!). But the thing is, out of all of the driving and practicing I've ever done, I've never done that..it's just that I get so nervous I can't think.

A week ago I went to buy a college book from my school's store, I was so nervous I put it off for many days, until I finally -had- to do it. I got there, bought the book, swiped by card, tried to put my card back into my wallet, but I kept missing, and was shaking..and then I ended up putting it in backwards and just fixing it after I got home.

I dread everytime I have to go and pick up a pizza for my family, as I have the same exact problems, so I try to do anything I can to avoid having to do it, and to have someone else do it instead; the same goes for the telephone, answering the door, etc.

I've always been this way, but it has gotten worse over the years.

The symptoms of SAD do fit me quite well I think, except I'm doubtful about all of the points where it says you constantly think about what other people think. I'm not sure if I do that or not..or at least I can't think of it happening. Maybe I do...

My friend(s) online convinced me to get help; I haven't been so depressed before and for so long, so I know this isn't normal, and nobody has these kinds of thoughts and is normal. I'm planning on calling some psychiatrist tomorrow (just thinking about calling, then eventually going, makes me so so nervous right now). For the past couple of weeks I haven't been doing most of the things that bring me pleasure..just because they don't feel like they bring me that anymore. Though I still play videogames...

I told my parents about how I needed help, but they laughed in my face (that shows how cared for I am) and now they keep trying to convince me and themselves that I'm fine, that "you just need to get out more", and "it's because you don't do anything other than go to school, come home and go on the computer" (but I don't *want* to do anything else, and especially not go out). They did say that I could go to a psychiatrist though, but then shortly afterwards, my mom tried to almost threaten me about how "going to a psychiatrist will be on your record forever! and everyone will be able to see it, and it looks bad!". I hate them. They're so unsupportive; they've always been that way. A large portion of me wishes I would have just ended it and not have to deal with any of this ****. But deep down I know those aren't rational thoughts..

Do I sound like I have SA? I really don't want to go to the psychiatrist, make the appointment and what not, only to be turned down and get told that this doesn't warrant attention, or a solution. Especially since it'd just make everything so much easier, it seems, if I could just say "I have ___". I don't remember ever having depression, and I don't know what's causing it, but I just feel..hopeless..or useless...moreso in the morning, before school, I just don't feel like going...I think to myself, "what's the point?". About a week or so ago, I missed two class attendances because I couldn't bring myself to go...I just wanted to die, and that's all I thought about, no matter how hard I tried to make myself feel better, it just doesn't help.

I feel...conflicted. I want to go to a psychiatrist, but I hate the act of going...and what if I'm wrong? What if I don't have anything..I'd like to, because then it's something identified and fixable, as opposed to something that I "just need to get over it"..

I hope this post wasn't too long, it feels like a life story. Then again, I suppose it is.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
256 Posts
No but seriously I dont want to say yes that you do have it because that will probably make you "think" worse. Maybe you should see a psychiatrist or a social worker. But damn you cant even go get pizza for your family? Lol. I think when you do have chances in situations like those, just try to take a chance. Because without the help of others, eventually your going to have to help yourself. Take chances once in a while.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I can, but I avoid it at all costs.

Although of course I do understand why nobody can say for certain whether I have it or not. I'd just like some reassurance, I guess...

Your "advice" is disconcerting. You basically just said "wow, it's that bad?" "well, it can't be that bad. just get over it", and then you laughed at me. Thanks a lot for the help. If I wanted to hear something that useless for a person in my situation, I would have talked to my parents.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
769 Posts
I'm sorry you didn't have a very good welcome here. That was rather unkind. Even if it's meant to be lighthearted, it sounds like you are not in a place emotionally for jokes. I'm sorry your parents are so unsupportive.

I hope you will find the courage to talk to doctor. Either through school or outside of school. It sounds like you need to talk to a professional.

But welcome to SAS and hope you stay to give it a second chance.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Hey, if you're there...

I just wanted to second what Lynn said....
hang in there, and do try to talk to a professional.

One thing I noticed: You seem pretty focused on whether or not you have the diagnosis. Does it really matter? You're struggling, and you could use some help. No psychiatrist worth his or her salt is going to turn their back on you like it sounds like your parents did. If you're suffering you're suffering whether or not you have a label to go with it.

I'm truly sorry about your parents' reaction, by the way, but the best thing to do for now is ignore it, and focus on what more supportive people are telling you.

Also, fyi, a psychiatrist can prescribe meds that can help, but to get to the root of why you're so anxious (and it sounds to me like you are) you may want to enlist the help of a counselor/psychologist. Hopefully you can find one through your school. Some doctors do both.

Best of luck,
Bewild
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
256 Posts
I can, but I avoid it at all costs.

Although of course I do understand why nobody can say for certain whether I have it or not. I'd just like some reassurance, I guess...

Your "advice" is disconcerting. You basically just said "wow, it's that bad?" "well, it can't be that bad. just get over it", and then you laughed at me. Thanks a lot for the help. If I wanted to hear something that useless for a person in my situation, I would have talked to my parents.
Wow take it easy man I wasnt laughing at you.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
177,223 Posts
Hey AbsentlyUnminded welcome. :hyper
 

·
Abendfuchs
Joined
·
1,357 Posts
If your fear interferes with your every day life (prevents you from doing things you want to do and achieving your goals) then it is a problem that may be called SA or a related condition. But I wouldn't worry about trying to label and categorize yourself, just try to find a way to live your life and make it worthwhile.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
154,233 Posts
Welcome, AbsentlyUnminded! :)
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top