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That ocean is not silent.
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I've been going through a strange stint of on-and-off depression for several months for no real one reason, and just yesterday evening, someone I "dated" (I use the term loosely because I would hardly qualify it as a relationship) texted me in a random fury and basically threw every under-the-belt insult he could at me, most directed at the way I look and the way I carry myself. I'm 23, female, painfully conscious of the way I look, and deeply immersed in the fitness world, where physical perfection is literally everywhere. This made for a really awful day today with me dreading any human interaction and avoiding eye contact with a vengeance. Some good did come of it, however, or at least some reflection I have probably needed to indulge in: I've pondered the past few months and how I've dealt with my own SA, which has a very prominent part in my life (I have a sales job and deal with people all day, everyday, making it necessary for me to cultivate what I think of as a Bull**** Me to deal with them without freaking out.).

The unnerving realization was that I have chosen sobriety less and less often recently. After hours, when I'm alone in my small apartment, I drink myself stupid and bemoan my solitude, which is both preferable and hellish (I desire company yet loathe and fear it). During work, I've developed weird habits involving both benzos (I have a prescription and will take sometimes 2mg and upwards just to inebriate myself into careless stupidity) and DXM, which is the main ingredient in cough syrup. Sometimes three and four times a week, I'll trip on DXM and spend my day at work in a carefree idiocy, taking care of my customers and not caring a lick for my SA or for much anything else.

Am I the only idiot who abuses substances to try and cope with SA? I am honestly curious . . . the realization I had this afternoon was unnerving. I am cataclysmically sad and have been this way for as far back as I can recall, and sometimes I feel walled in. :(
 

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That'll be my next episode in a while

Query for....

services...?

I want answers. Never provided.

doing my best to limit my endless list:

1. financial services

2. GP & pharmacy
we can't do that
you can't have
Go home

always grounded this way when I started school.

eg. This... branch... shop... opens at... 8am until 1700 or...
me there at 8am. shutters down 9am same. 10am same. 12pm same

my approach doesn't achieve. assumed I am.. naughty..?
Well... remember pickets? gathering complaining crowds?

why purport lies, pretence? Adverts! Pretty pictures, slogans, classical tunes

I won't get any answer to that question.

corporates crush the public :laugh:

since BC 400 until year 20450?
More people destroy peasants
get-together power! Mineral resources used to create useful objects.. in decline?
Human meat wins? link hands, dance, sing? Oppress? :laugh:
 

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Well I've always struggled with alcohol. Like most alcoholics, the first time I drank alcohol ( when I was 18 ) it was like a miracle, and I was very content that anxiety had finally left me. In my 20s when I worked in a restaurant I used to drink little bits throughout the shift, just so I could be friendly and approachable or whatever. Also in college I would almost always carry a water bottle full of vodka in my backpack to swig at throughout the day (double when I had a presentation to do). I think when I was this age, it may have actually helped me ( however most recovering addicts and mental health professionals would obviously disagree), I was able to enjoy people's company, which has been extremely difficult for me throughout my life. I also had issues with benzos later on, similar to yours and was given the maximum dosage of Klonopin and would run out of pills in literally less then a week. I should also add that this behavior has landed me in the hospital numerous times, so I'm definitely not glorifying this.


You are probably not quite as bad as this, but a warning about benzos is that the withdrawal if you get addicted is very acute and borderline unbearable. I used DXM too in my 20s for a while as well, and it was ok at first, but it became a weird habit. I mean the first few times I used it, I would just watch movies and listen to music, but I didn't stop at that. So, I guess the answer to your question is no and I'm sure I'm not the only one like you who self-medicate to "cope". I mean people say that drugs aren't the answer, but I have yet to find the alternative "answer". I've also tried A.A., for a long time, and something like this might be helpful. However I thought the emphasis on groupthink and forced religious ideas to be hypocritical and abrasive. Plus those people are about half as nice as they think they are.
 

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I don't know if concrete counts as a substance or whether or not there's a way to abuse it. But concrete abuse just seems like it wouldn't be healthy so I'm going with that.
 

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Hi, I am really sorry that you are feeling this way. To answer your question, I have never used any drugs to soothe my SA with, but I do eat tons of sugary foods to cope with my SA feelings of sadness that I have once in a while. Eating sugary foods once in a while is harmless, but I am aware that if i did eat them everyday, that would have an adverse effect on my body. Please be careful when using drugs to soothe yourself, it is dangerous, and it can become an addiction. My boyfriend doesn t accept my SAD and often has made me feel worse about it, which is sad, because you don t feel understood, and loved for who you are. As far as alcohol or any drug can be a source of distraction it can get out of control, and create more problems than you have right now. And in the long run it doesn t help. Have you tried finding other ways? Like meditation?
 

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Yes, I have been abusing alcohol for a long time. I also have done the trick with the vodka in the water bottle thing and am often somewhat drunk at work. They say that alcohol makes people anxious which causes them to drink and a vicious cycle ensues. However, I have been an anxious person my whole life, way before I even started drinking. So, I know that if I stop drinking, the anxiety will not go away. It is unclear whether it will even get mildly better. The best solution that the medical community seems to have is benzos. The problem with benzos, besides eventual tolerance, is that they will not make you extroverted and want to talk to people and many of us are lonely but want to be alone. Meditation and exercise never controlled my anxiety. It works for some people, but my anxiety is just too severe.
 

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Ad Multos Annos!
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I only abuse alcohol during "big enough" events, like weddings and other formal events requiring a lot of social interaction. Next event in a few days, last one 2 months ago.
 

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Beta Mangina Cuck!
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Well I've always struggled with alcohol. Like most alcoholics, the first time I drank alcohol ( when I was 18 ) it was like a miracle, and I was very content that anxiety had finally left me. In my 20s when I worked in a restaurant I used to drink little bits throughout the shift, just so I could be friendly and approachable or whatever. Also in college I would almost always carry a water bottle full of vodka in my backpack to swig at throughout the day (double when I had a presentation to do). I think when I was this age, it may have actually helped me ( however most recovering addicts and mental health professionals would obviously disagree), I was able to enjoy people's company, which has been extremely difficult for me throughout my life. I also had issues with benzos later on, similar to yours and was given the maximum dosage of Klonopin and would run out of pills in literally less then a week. I should also add that this behavior has landed me in the hospital numerous times, so I'm definitely not glorifying this.

You are probably not quite as bad as this, but a warning about benzos is that the withdrawal if you get addicted is very acute and borderline unbearable. I used DXM too in my 20s for a while as well, and it was ok at first, but it became a weird habit. I mean the first few times I used it, I would just watch movies and listen to music, but I didn't stop at that. So, I guess the answer to your question is no and I'm sure I'm not the only one like you who self-medicate to "cope". I mean people say that drugs aren't the answer, but I have yet to find the alternative "answer". I've also tried A.A., for a long time, and something like this might be helpful. However I thought the emphasis on groupthink and forced religious ideas to be hypocritical and abrasive. Plus those people are about half as nice as they think they are.
U should try looking into that more, from what I've read in the past AA is one of the worst ways to get away from alcoholism, possibly worst than nothing in some cases. As u would expect from something with it's origins in Christian 'thought' it basically demands too much of people for no good reason then makes them feel bad when they fail to reach the pointlessly high standards that have been set, the man who isn't dominant enough, the woman who isn't submissive enough, the gay person who isn't straight enough, the former alcoholic who had one drink 3 days ago...
 

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U should try looking into that more, from what I've read in the past AA is one of the worst ways to get away from alcoholism, possibly worst than nothing in some cases. As u would expect from something with it's origins in Christian 'thought' it basically demands too much of people for no good reason then makes them feel bad when they fail to reach the pointlessly high standards that have been set, the man who isn't dominant enough, the woman who isn't submissive enough, the gay person who isn't straight enough, the former alcoholic who had one drink 3 days ago...
I know this post is a few days old, but I was very happy to see someone intelligently critique A.A. It's extremely refreshing, and it renews my faith in humanity honestly. I'm not a sociologist or a psychologist, but I know that the way A.A. is... is ****ing ***-backwards, and it's more akin to fulfilling the spiritually devoid desires of the status quo ( homogeneous thought, coupled with simple minded beliefs for a so called higher power. )Before I move on, I would like to state that these idiots repeatedly told me that it was ok that I believe that a higher power could be a doorknob, as long as it was a higher power!!!! OMFG I want to kill you so many ****ing times!!! Because you are too ****ing stupid... Yeah A.A. is full of idiots... ****ing idiots.

A.A. is about people deifying simple minded sentiments from a book written 70 years ago by a guy who requested whiskey at his deathbed... more than once... ( SERIOUSLY GIVE IT TO HIM I WOULDA SAID!!!!"

Most of the A.A.'s I've gone to are "governed" ( I forget the technical name for it) by blue collar *******s... And I'm not saying blue collar jobs are bad, but most of the people who work blue collar jobs are ****ing homophobic, chauvanistic pieces of ****... and I"m supposed to listen to these idiots tell me about life? I don't care who I offend, but people who feel comfortable calling people ******s are worthless in my opinion.... The only way they would not be worthless is if they spent a lifetime as a human being who was discriminated, alienated and disgraced for no other reason than for what they were born with.... When they do that... I'll listen to their idiotic ****.
 

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Beta Mangina Cuck!
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I know this post is a few days old, but I was very happy to see someone intelligently critique A.A. It's extremely refreshing, and it renews my faith in humanity honestly. I'm not a sociologist or a psychologist, but I know that the way A.A. is... is ****ing ***-backwards, and it's more akin to fulfilling the spiritually devoid desires of the status quo ( homogeneous thought, coupled with simple minded beliefs for a so called higher power. )Before I move on, I would like to state that these idiots repeatedly told me that it was ok that I believe that a higher power could be a doorknob, as long as it was a higher power!!!! OMFG I want to kill you so many ****ing times!!! Because you are too ****ing stupid... Yeah A.A. is full of idiots... ****ing idiots.

A.A. is about people deifying simple minded sentiments from a book written 70 years ago by a guy who requested whiskey at his deathbed... more than once... ( SERIOUSLY GIVE IT TO HIM I WOULDA SAID!!!!"

Most of the A.A.'s I've gone to are "governed" ( I forget the technical name for it) by blue collar *******s... And I'm not saying blue collar jobs are bad, but most of the people who work blue collar jobs are ****ing homophobic, chauvanistic pieces of ****... and I"m supposed to listen to these idiots tell me about life? I don't care who I offend, but people who feel comfortable calling people ******s are worthless in my opinion.... The only way they would not be worthless is if they spent a lifetime as a human being who was discriminated, alienated and disgraced for no other reason than for what they were born with.... When they do that... I'll listen to their idiotic ****.
Aside from the whole 'God' angle the second biggest thing that defines AA is 'abstinence', and when u put those two together it's just a massive red flag that bad sh*ts gonna happen. There's a reason states that pursue 'abstinence only' sex ed programs have worse outcomes for things like teen pregnancy, STDs, divorce, even childhood poverty, it's because they're fighting against human nature in a way that's just completely unnecessary in all but the most extreme cases...
 

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Wow. A thread from five years ago, from a user who made one post and never came back, lol.

There are lots of very unhealthy ways to "cope" with anxiety. I say "cope" because they're really not coping mechanisms at all, imo, if they don't really help you cope or deal with it. A lot of the time I think they just help you avoid, or run from the situation.

Alcohol and drugs is one I've used before, but there are lots of others, also....self-harm is one. You can do literally anything to avoid....sleeping, gaming for hours and hours on end, whatever. If you're not dealing with the issue head-on then, for me, I'm usually avoiding. And I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that, not all the time, everybody does it to some extent. Obviously if you're using alcohol or drugs every day to avoid, though, that's pretty self-destructive and it's going to catch up to you eventually.
 

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source of vitamin C
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on-and-off drug use for the last ~8 or 9 years

usually i cycle between types (have probably tried pretty much all the different 'types' by now) and avoid building a habit, and schedule is pretty changable too

sometimes a few times a week, sometimes a few months with nothing; it just depends on how I'm feeling

I'm currently on a mostly-sober stage, just having a glass or 2 of wine at night a couple of times a week
 

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Sorry, I just wanted to post one more time on this 5 year old topic. Aside from my little rant ( that I've had in my head about 1,000 times on my way home from meetings), I think that some of the basic concepts of A.A. are very good. The idea that you can go to a place where people are experiencing the same types of traumatic struggles with life and addiction is a great concept, and ideally it should work. But unfortunately people have a real hard time with making great ideas work in the real world. Any philosophy that doesn't grow after 70 years, or won't allow criticism of it's principles is a flawed one.

A few years ago I kind of ditched A.A. to go to S.O.S ( Secular Organization for Sobriety) hoping to find a more enlightened crowd. I wound up with a very similar experience to A.A., in that the people with the most dull and half-assed concepts of empathy and "spirituality" were the most vocal in the bunch. I remember a woman who spoke for about 20 minutes about her extremely painful experience with what I guess was a dissociative disorder ( she said she had a time in her life when she came across people she'd known for a long time, and for some reason couldn't remember their faces or who they were.) I thought it was a very powerful thing that she was sharing, and that it was something important to show emotion for. I guess I had too high hopes for people, because the first person to speak was a guy who basically said " This wasn't the place for these type of psychological problems." It was kind of appalling, because no one seemed to wish to correct him.

Later on, after a few months in the group, the group leader of the discussions read an email about a person in the groups who had been offending people by criticizing A.A. Within about two seconds I realized this guy ( a guy who confessed to throwing a chair at a 60 year old lady when he was upset), was referring to me. Unfortunately I got so pissed I stood up and told them all to go F themselves. It wasn't that fulfilling, even though I'd always wanted to do that to a group of hypocrites.

Don't really know why I'm bringing this up, but the hypocrisy of people is cringe-worthy for sure. And the reach of this hypocrisy knows no bounds apparently.
 
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