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There are occasional times where I don't think anxiety is holding me back, but I still can't make conversation or connect with people because I have nothing in common with human beings.
For example, when I go to the SAS chat, people go on and on about pop culture -- music I've never heard and movies I've never seen -- that they all have in common with each other. The reality is that I don't want to subject myself to stuff that I'm not interested in for the sake of having stuff in common with people. So, am I locking myself out of any chance to get into a conversation that might eventually lead somewhere more interesting if I were lucky? Is suffering to learn common subjects just a required part of the social game?
Same goes for life experiences. I was at an in-person social anxiety group a few weeks ago, and by the second meeting I felt anxiety wasn't really hindering me from speaking anymore -- but I was still silent. I just had nothing to say to them. I couldn't relate to any of the things they were talking about. I haven't had any of their experiences. It made me feel like a blank slate, a newborn baby.
Of course I do have interests and things I like to talk about, but they're niche interests that I'm never going to be able to share with a randomly selected person or group. It seems like socializing requires giving up your identity and morphing into more of a shared cultural identity. It makes sense that there's a give and take, it's only fair, but I still can't bring myself to accept it.
To summarize it bluntly, normal conversations bore me to death and usually might as well be in a foreign language. So my chances of navigating the social maze to reach the people who can talk about things that I can talk about are rather slim.
For example, when I go to the SAS chat, people go on and on about pop culture -- music I've never heard and movies I've never seen -- that they all have in common with each other. The reality is that I don't want to subject myself to stuff that I'm not interested in for the sake of having stuff in common with people. So, am I locking myself out of any chance to get into a conversation that might eventually lead somewhere more interesting if I were lucky? Is suffering to learn common subjects just a required part of the social game?
Same goes for life experiences. I was at an in-person social anxiety group a few weeks ago, and by the second meeting I felt anxiety wasn't really hindering me from speaking anymore -- but I was still silent. I just had nothing to say to them. I couldn't relate to any of the things they were talking about. I haven't had any of their experiences. It made me feel like a blank slate, a newborn baby.
Of course I do have interests and things I like to talk about, but they're niche interests that I'm never going to be able to share with a randomly selected person or group. It seems like socializing requires giving up your identity and morphing into more of a shared cultural identity. It makes sense that there's a give and take, it's only fair, but I still can't bring myself to accept it.
To summarize it bluntly, normal conversations bore me to death and usually might as well be in a foreign language. So my chances of navigating the social maze to reach the people who can talk about things that I can talk about are rather slim.