[SoloSage]

I feel as if there is no one I can truly connect with. Despite knowing hundreds of people throughout my life, I have never met someone I can call a 'friend'. I had people that called me a friend in the past, but the feeling was never mutual. I'd know someone for over 3 years, but still feel uncomfortable in their presence. Perhaps I'm demanding too much emotional intimacy from a relationship (any type of human relationship). I have a desire to express myself more deeply to people, as every relationship I've ever had feels superficial.

Have you / do you experience these types of emotions/feelings?

 

[huh]

I've had this issue since I lost contact with my friends a few years ago. I've just about given up trying to build relationships with anyone. I even have trouble feeling comfortable or fitting in with my immediate family members. Every now and then I'll give it another shot, but it generally ends in failure.

 

[OhNoTaylor]

I feel like I've only known two people that I've ever actually connected with. Though even with them is was only partial. It's like there was some invisible boundary that limited our relationships. I think its mainly my SA which makes me feel like I have to hide most of myself from people, even people I'm relatively comfortable with.

 

[iwishiwasaway]

Sounds a lot like me. I feel like im going to be alone forever...

 

[SoloSage]

I've had this issue since I lost contact with my friends a few years ago. I've just about given up trying to build relationships with anyone. I even have trouble feeling comfortable or fitting in with my immediate family members. Every now and then I'll give it another shot, but it generally ends in failure.

Yeah, it's almost as if a 'friendship' reaches a level, but never progresses. Inevitably, the relationship stagnates and I end up dissatisfied. It's like I'm asking, "What more can you offer me?" Maybe the underlying issue is one of trust?

I feel like I've only known two people that I've ever actually connected with. Though even with them is was only partial. It's like there was some invisible boundary that limited our relationships. I think its mainly my SA which makes me feel like I have to hide most of myself from people, even people I'm relatively comfortable with.

I can relate. That 'chasm' between between knowing someone and truly trusting someone is very, very wide (especially for social-anxiety suffers, imo).

 

[Tony99]

I consider those who do not make me uncomfortable or cause me anxiety to be my friends. For some it takes us being together (usually forced *class*work*etc) for a long time and me realizing they are not the enemy. For others it is an instant strange thing (very very rare). And for some, no matter how much time we spent together our worlds would never touch.

I think before I had an unrealistic perfectionist standard of a friend that no one could meet. The new one is simple.

 

[caithiggs]

I think everyone must feel this way from time to time to some extent. Personally I recently felt really lonely like this. I've made "connections" in the past, only to realize that we weren't that connected. We got to know one another and somehow a gap only widened. I guess because I have such an idealist attitude about the people I would like to connect with. I guess I just realized though I have to back away from my ideals. The only thing you can do is find a way to enjoy people with some distance. You have to learn to appreciate people for their qualities that are different from yours, like watching a film. That's what I've found.

 

[kenny87]

last connection I had was probably 9th grade, just being we liked the same video games, since then I haven't had any and the few people that you seem to think "this person has similar interest", they never like it the same way you do.

 

[cheerio]

I think for most people (non-SAers) it's really hard to find that true connection with many people. That's why most people admit they really only have a few good friends though they consider many people as their friends. In my case, even if I am able to become comfortable with someone, it's been difficult lately to find much substance in my conversations with people. I can have fun, but short conversations, but even if we talk about something a little deeper it doesn't last very long or allow us to develop a bond with each other. I'm also pretty reticent (which doesn't help) so it's rare to find people that can tolerate that and also similar enough where I find it easier to relate to and therefore have more to talk about.

 

[Ununderstood]

I get what you mean SoloSage by saying that you demand too much from relationship to be considered a friend. In my case I can't tell all my secrets out, there are some things that nobody will ever know and I will take them to my grave. Twisted experiences which only haunt my mind. So I in a way settle for what they know of me and what they CAN know of me and if they accept me as who and what I am then I feel we connect enough to be friends. The only true person I can connect with in all levels and knows everything about me is myself.

 

[VivaLaVida]

My parents and relatives are generally negative people and are always pointing out the flaws in everyone. Thus, I was demanded / expected to be perfect in every way and to sort of look down on people who are not perfect. I know no one is perfect, but I still have trouble with this. Every time I see one of a person's flaws, I immediately start losing interest in being a friend with that person. The converse is true as well - every time I sort of show a flaw, I don't really want to talk to that person anymore.

 

[numero1]

My parents and relatives are generally negative people and are always pointing out the flaws in everyone. Thus, I was demanded / expected to be perfect in every way and to sort of look down on people who are not perfect. I know no one is perfect, but I still have trouble with this. Every time I see one of a person's flaws, I immediately start losing interest in being a friend with that person. The converse is true as well - every time I sort of show a flaw, I don't really want to talk to that person anymore.

I know exactly what you mean. My parents always demanded perfection and I also know no one is perfect but I also have major trouble with accepting people despite their flaws. I also think of my flaws and if I don't see any flaws with the person I am talking to, or want to talk to, then I will be intimidated to talk to them.