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Gone, Never Coming Back
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I'm having a really horrible day for some reason. I think I'm just tired. I want to take a nap because whenever I feel like this, I know I need a nap, but thanks to my idiot family's constant noise, I'm very much on the edge and can't sleep. So now I'm feeling horrible about myself and though I'd talk about something.

For the past several years, I have tried to make myself more approachable with little success. I guess I have an inferiority complex because I constantly believe that everyone I meet hates me or thinks their too good for me. When it comes to making friends, I mostly tell myself that it's pointless because most people have enough friends and don't need me. Even if I do make friends, I have no idea what to do because I'm going to be excluded from their circle of friends anyways, which makes me panic a little bit and cut off all contact with that person. As time goes on and I haven't bothered to talk to this person at all, if ever we see each other, we pretend we don't know each other. It's then too late to develop any kind of meaningful connection with each other.

Some people are kind of persistent, and it's those people that make me feel most uncomfortable. There's this one guy who attempts to be my mentor and makes fun of me, pointing out little habits of mine or odd things that I do. He has no idea how uncomfortable that makes me because my anxiety is so bad. I say hi to him, but I mostly avoid him. He's an acquaintance and that's about it. Other people just ignore me and never seem to notice when I am there.

I'm sure it's because I make people uncomfortable and unsure how to approach me. I just don't know what to do about it. Because of my current living situation, I am miserable and hate life and people more than anything. I desperately need a change in environment as soon as possible. I'm going to try to sleep now because I feel too horrible to do anything.
 

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If you can afford it, I suggest going to therapy. I wish I would've started there myself. Otherwise, you might consider watching TV and observing what makes these people likeable. Often you'll find it's their sheer confidence, which is hard to relate to when you have SA.

You can practice having conversations with your parents or siblings, and then move on to other people.
 

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electric
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Amazing how much I could have written that. Thanks for sharing it. :) People may take you on as a kind of project sometimes. Don't let it think they are pitying you. It brings them happiness inside themselves to persist sometimes. That is a very beautiful thing inside a human, if that is what it is. It's worth enjoying.
 

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It sounds like your expectations and understandable fear that your efforts will be all for nought are holding you back form actively participating in making your life better. I suffer from the same problem in assuming everyone thinks less of me. Especially after the last friendship I had took such a nosedive.

On some days when I'm feeling more sociable and upbeat I don't think about that, I'll just talk to people and enjoy the interaction for what it is. Granted that more often it will turn out like you expect and the person won't become a new friend but it's the only way you're going to make a new one, then it will be worth it.

As for the noisy family, have you considered a door lock and earplugs?
 
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