[Encore]

Not talking or acknowledging others in public is rude. Its hard, sometimes you feel anxious but it is rude.

 

[LostPancake]

Yeah, normal people expect everyone to be able to acknowledge them somehow, with eye contact at least, but for people with SA it's hard, and you feel like you're being rude to them, and think they're getting mad at you. At least, I used to always feel like that. Lately I've been pretending I don't give a **** what they think of me, just kind of ignore them, and they don't seem to get as mad about that. Or else I'm just not even aware of it, lol. Either way, I'm much less anxious about being out around people.

 

[sadnalone]

Encore! I know, I know, but I just can't help it. I feel like a dick for not doing it but how do you suggest we VERY VERY shy people overcoming this? Do you know how much effort it takes to give eye contact. Can you help>

 

[LostPancake]

Another thing that's helped me is figuring out when to look at people that are walking towards you. It seems to work best if you're just kind of looking around at different things in the environment for a few seconds each, and then look at them for a second or so when they're like 20 or 30 feet away. Then you've acknowledged them at least a bit, and you're free to just look around at other things as you pass them, or glance at them as they pass - sometimes they'll be looking at you, sometimes they won't, sometimes they might even smile at you.

But try not to look at the ground too much, I think that makes people think they can go all alpha male on you. Especially if there are a lot of jocks around, lol.

 

[sadnalone]

Another thing that's helped me is figuring out when to look at people that are walking towards you. It seems to work best if you're just kind of looking around at the environment kind of steadily, and then look at them for a second or so when they're like 20 or 30 feet away. Then you've acknowledged them at least a bit, and you're free to just look around at other things as you pass them, or glance at them as they pass - sometimes they'll be looking at you, sometimes they won't, sometimes they might even smile at you.

But try not to look at the ground too much, I think that makes people think they can go all alpha male on you. Especially if there are a lot of jocks around, lol.

so many freakin strategies and yet i still think about acknowledgment every time i step outside. I HATE LONG HALLWAYS!

 

[LostPancake]

so many freakin strategies and yet i still think about acknowledgment every time i step outside. I HATE LONG HALLWAYS!

Yeah long hallways suck, when there's just one other person coming towards you. I kind of do a similar thing in that case also, but it probably doesn't work as well. At least I kind of sense a bit more hostility if I don't look at people enough.

 

[Encore]

Encore! I know, I know, but I just can't help it. I feel like a dick for not doing it but how do you suggest we VERY VERY shy people overcoming this? Do you know how much effort it takes to give eye contact. Can you help>

I'm working on it myself lol. It takes practice just like everything else in life think of it as exercise. You practice enough and one day you will be able to joyously communicate, or at least make halfassed awkward communication like me.

 

[aloss4words]

I didn't do this once and someone got very mad at me.

 

[sadnalone]

I'm working on it myself lol. It takes practice just like everything else in life think of it as exercise. You practice enough and one day you will be able to joyously communicate, or at least make halfassed awkward communication like me.

your post seemed like you were getting mad at SA people. I didn't know you had trouble with it

 

[Encore]

Im not mad, but people generally treat you like you treat them. So they aren't mad either they just see it as being rude. People without SA judge you solely on your actions and you have to prove to them you are worth their time.

 

[IllusionOfHappiness]

You're speaking the truth. People will treat you how you treat them (if they aren't asshats).

For me, the problem is trying to keep up this "I don't care what you think of me" vibe while not seeming like a stuck-up teenager. I try to always smile at people if I walk by them, make eye contact, or even just nod to let them know I acknowledge their presence. I remember trying some simple exposure-type tasks while I was in school and the results were mostly positive - i.e., the person would smile back at me.

 

[march_hare]

true! I have a hard time with it. But you're right it's plain rudeness.
It's weird how this defense mechanism of not wanting to be judged or noticed in fact creates more negative judgement.
Barely anyone is going to be offended by a polite person, we must remember this.

 

[DeeperUnderstanding]

I understand what you're saying. I sometimes fear I come off as a rude person.

 

[saillias]

I know what you mean. There's an overlap between social anxiety and just plain anti-social behavior.

E.g., today my parents had some friends over. My dad came to my room and said "come down and meet these people." I don't understand. Is it really normal behavior to go greet some people that happen to be in my house just because they're there? I'm not going to shake some 50 year old couples' hand just because. I guess I really am anti-social, and therefore rude.