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I bookmarked the page :).
 

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Too School for Cool
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I just wanted to post before the HUGE FORUM ARGUMENT commences.

Interesting article, but I tend not to put stock in articles where women and men are summarized as a whole, such as "all women love this" and "all men need to do this".

And I do want the nice guys to finish first.
 

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unashamed perv
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Some of this advice isn't bad, like the bit about getting a cool skill or hobby, and being confident. Just remember that not all women are the same. Maybe a lot of women like an ambitious, high earning man, but there are also successful couples in which the woman earns the main wage and the man takes care of the children, cooks the dinner, fixes stuff around the house or even goes back to college.
 

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The only problem I have with this topic that gets discussed time and time again, are those who tell guys like us to be confident as if there's some kind of switch we can flip that will make us feel that way.

Confidence comes from having positive experiences. When you have none, you're not going to be confident, and no, it cannot be faked.
 

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crazy
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Confidence comes from having positive experiences. When you have none, you're not going to be confident, and no, it cannot be faked.
Yeah, that's true. But doing exposure therapy actually does build confidence, as long as you're just focusing on whatever small (even tiny) goal you have at each step, and NOT the bigger picture (that part is kinda tricky). It is possible to do!

Although, I think I actually got overconfident, actually, and wound up thinking I could do anything. :roll
 

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unashamed perv
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The only problem I have with this topic that gets discussed time and time again, are those who tell guys like us to be confident as if there's some kind of switch we can flip that will make us feel that way.

Confidence comes from having positive experiences. When you have none, you're not going to be confident, and no, it cannot be faked.
Well, I know it's not easy, but he does give some advice on how to do it:

Never act dumbfounded when she says yes to things like a second date or a kiss. Don't ramble on about how women like her never say yes to you, and how you weren't going to even approach her because you thought she was out of your league. Don't constantly express your worry that you might lose her.
and:
If you're a little homely, never let on that you think so. If you're a little quirky, act like those quirks make you the coolest man in the room.
I think those bits are good advice.
 

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The nice guy is seriously being over generalized. I'm offended! Okay, I'm not really that offended, but this topic has been done to death and these solutions are extremely redundant.

The blog could be summed up with: 'Be supremely confident' lawl "supremely"
 

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The only problem I have with this topic that gets discussed time and time again, are those who tell guys like us to be confident as if there's some kind of switch we can flip that will make us feel that way.

Confidence comes from having positive experiences. When you have none, you're not going to be confident, and no, it cannot be faked.
Yea.. just be confident. You know just reach for that button on the back of your left elbow and wham ! I'm a THE MAN !

Positive experiences. That's it. If someone tries 3 times and gets a reasonably long lasting girlfriend.. he will have confidence to try even 5 more times to get his next girlfriend.

However if someone else has tried 8 times with no success.. how can he just be confident ?

it just doesn't add up.
 

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This is total bogus to me. Never has it worked in my life. I have a multitude of 'man skills' and I am not huge but I am not scrawny. I workout the necessary muscles for basketball since I play basketball a lot. I am very good at basketball and many have suggested that I play college ball. I am very confident in all of my abilities, but somehow women don't see that even when I make it obvious. I'm thinking that I'm just physically unattractive and no woman will ever like me. Dying alone seems like the perfect conclusion this this sad pathetic excuse for a life story. Whenever my friends and classmates talk about marriage I always give the same excuse: "I don't want to get married because I don't want to share my stuff" but that is completely b.s. because I don't want none of them to know that I just can't get any girls. I hide the fact that I have never had a girlfriend in my stories about how I only hook up with girls from clubs, etc.
 

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crazy
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Okay, this is for the naysayers...

I dropped out of college the first time around due to intense social anxiety, which had been growing since I was 13 or so - I didn't want to leave my apartment, couldn't handle walking through campus or sitting in a classroom or meeting the teachers eyes. I really felt like the ugliest, most vile creature in existence, and just wanted to die. But after a year of doing CBT and exposure therapy, I was able to hold down a job working around a bunch of people all day, get an apartment on my own, three women asked me out, and I am NOT good looking - think skinny computer nerd with glasses and boring clothes and hair. The one I liked the most, who was gorgeous, lasted for a year, before it started getting too serious for me. I'm telling you, CBT works. Confidence is really attractive to women. In pictures back then I think I looked like crap.

In fact, I was so confident I felt alien to myself. I didn't like it, so when I moved away I decided I'd be less confident so I could find a girl more my style. It didn't work!

Confidence builds on itself. You start with tiny goals and grow it from there.

Your mileage may vary. You should at least give it a try though - don't just say it's impossible.
 

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UnDeRrAtED
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confidence comes from successes and vice versa.
 

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(.*?)
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Summary of article: nice guys don't finish last, socially anxious guys finish last. I was already aware of that, but thanks for rubbing it in.
 

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Yeah, that's true. But doing exposure therapy actually does build confidence, as long as you're just focusing on whatever small (even tiny) goal you have at each step, and NOT the bigger picture (that part is kinda tricky). It is possible to do!

Although, I think I actually got overconfident, actually, and wound up thinking I could do anything. :roll
You can dude! ' You can do anything you put your mind to ' ha ha

I know you've heard that a million times before...

A little bit of encouragement goes a long way for me.
If I saw more of it in real life & not just books, I'd be straight.
It's hard to do everything by yourself indefinitely & stay encouraged.
 

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It's kind of funny--the past couple of days I've been thinking about this alpha male/confidence thing and I see a lot of merit to it. So, I thought yeah this morning, I'll give it a shot by just thinking postive things about myself. Not two hours later there were some problems at work, I had an idea on how to fix it, I voiced it, the they made me look like an idiot (they love doing that one) and I had a panic attack (first one in a LONG while). It was kind of like nature got wind of my plan and immediately gave me the finger.
 

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Summary of article: nice guys don't finish last, socially anxious guys finish last. I was already aware of that, but thanks for rubbing it in.
That's pretty much it in a nutshell, isn't it?

Alone42Long said:
A little bit of encouragement goes a long way for me.
If I saw more of it in real life & not just books, I'd be straight.
It's hard to do everything by yourself indefinitely & stay encouraged.
I agree with you, but when it comes down to it, no one really owes us anything.
 

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crazy
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You can dude! ' You can do anything you put your mind to ' ha ha

I know you've heard that a million times before...

A little bit of encouragement goes a long way for me.
If I saw more of it in real life & not just books, I'd be straight.
It's hard to do everything by yourself indefinitely & stay encouraged.
Yeah I heard that a lot growing up, but it usually made me feel worse, like oh, I must seem really pathetic for them to say that to me. :roll

I had a good therapist for the CBT - she was good at the unconditional positive regard part. Whenever I tried the techniques on my own later, it never worked as well. Either that or I was just putting myself into situations that were just over my head.

But yeah, it's tough to be your own support system. Especially if you have any kind of depression, which often goes along with SA.
 
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