Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,191 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm not even getting into the mess that is our lease and the fact I still have to regularly contact him to hand over money for bills...ugh.

Honestly - he was crazy. Emotionally abusive. Everything out of his mouth was either a lie or exaggeration. He was fixated on drugs and drug addicts, thought everyone was out to get him, and did not trust me one bit. Ever. And we were together for over a year - lived together! He didn't let me have friends and made me push away my only friend and constantly disrespected my family, was basically convinced anyone close to me was evil... And why did I stay with him for so long? He was always calling me the crazy one because occasionally I lashed out and always, always stood up for myself.

It's only been about a month and he's already been out with several girls, gotten wasted at a bar and came crawling back to me, said he wanted to be friends but then ignored me for days and days...so now I'm thinking, why did I still love him? I really wish I could move on but I definitely can't go out with other guys, they don't notice me and I don't even know where the good ones hide (lol). I don't know why but I'm feeling very depressed, like my life doesn't have much purpose anymore. That's what happens when you make a significant other your life, I suppose.

I need to rewire my brain. He screwed with my concept of not only what loving relationships are supposed to be, but my entire concept of reality. Lame. I am pathetic. I used to make fun of people like me. How am I letting one person make me feel this horrible? Oh...probably because I know my SA won't ever let me find someone else. Probably why I stayed with him so long? Wow. I really do feel pathetic. And alone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,645 Posts
You are not alone in that sense. Many of us go through the same thing so a lot here understand

I know a few relationships I was in, subconsciously I knew they were not working. Due to SA though my mind tried to cancel that out as I knew the only other option was a miserable, depressed single life.

What you have to think is now its gone, over. Remember how you felt in the situation with him. The times he prevented you doing stuff, his fixation on drugs, the way he disrespected your family. Look at his disrespect for you with going off out with several girls already. So while it may not feel like you are better off now, you actually are.

You are 19, still young, are attractive (not saying it for s***s and giggles, as I rarely say a girl is attractive here) and while it may be difficult, look how much you have to look forward to. You found him didnt you? Meaning you can find someone again. You still have at least 21 years left before you have to worry
 

·
Student of life
Joined
·
152 Posts
I just separated from my girlfriend today. She has bipolar, borderline, and depression. I have GAD and SA, and atypical depression. That combo is a chaos.

She was wonderful in many aspects, but it was too much pain for both of us to be happy.

I wish you well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
210 Posts
You're just used to having a partner and miss having one, that's normal. But eventually as time goes by, you'll come to realize that you can live a full life with or without a partner.

About SA, I think you convinced yourself that you wouldn't be able to find a new partner, and that's why you stayed with him for so long. But when you like someone you will feel comfortable about them, and SA won't be an issue any more.

Don't let other people change who you are. Just be yourself, you'll attract someone who is not abusive and accepts you for who you are.

There is some truth to that 'Love is not looking at each other, it is looking at the same direction.' saying.

<3
 

·
Cursed and Despised
Joined
·
2,352 Posts
This sounds like a toxic relationship... that guy obviously had tons of options with other girls and was probably an alpha male... women are attracted to dangerous, unstable wild guys, as much as they don't like to admit it...

Ironically, nice guys that would treat you well and buy you roses and candy will get simply ignored... crazy how this s*** works...

You didn't do anything wrong except you are attracted to out of control types... I guess start dating a bookworm or chess nerd, or if not that something closer to one than this guy.... not literally, but you see my point...

How can you have lived together already you are only a teenager haha

I would date a "loser" on this site who can't get a girl to look at them... they would treat you like royalty... amazing what some guys get away with haha
 

·
Cursed and Despised
Joined
·
2,352 Posts
Oh I saw your old post, you added a picture... yea if this guy was firing guns and driving trucks, he definately was fearless and tough etc... those guys will have so many options with other women that the temptation for him is almost too much to deal with... I am a nerd and you can move in with me based on your pic haha I am in Park Slope Brooklyn :) Just take a Greyhound bus I live alone with my cat....And nerds are sensitive and caring (supposedly) haha
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
70 Posts
Why did you get into that relationship, and stay in it, in the first place? That's not a rhetorical question. You really need to ask yourself. We don't make mistakes. Everything we do is expressing something from our subconscious. If you're dating someone who is emotionally unavailable, it's because you want to. If you're dating someone who is abusive, it's because you want to.

In your post, you said that you were pathetic like three times. You also shrug responsibility by saying things alone the lines of "My SA won't allow me to..." or "He screwed me up." All you're really saying is that you aren't ready to be happy yet. That's ok, but you need to go back and figure out why. What do you need to figure out before you'll allow yourself to be in a healthy relationship?
 

·
uggla
Joined
·
10,068 Posts
That's what happens when you make a significant other your life, I suppose.
Yeah. I kinda ended up doing that before and it's never a good idea. My relationship, of 6 years, wasn't abusive in any way(it was great actually), but I neglected my friends/everything. I was happy just being with him(or so I thought). That was my depression and social anxiety taking over, and not his fault at all(he encouraged me to do things all the time). When we broke up I had no friends left that I was still hanging out with regularely. Except him. We stayed friends for 1-2 years until he finally met someone(we couldn't keep hanging out for that reason obviously). So now I have noone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I could call people from the past but that just feels... wrong. I don't want to do that. Please make your own life your first priority.

I got a bit off-topic, sorry.

I hope you manage to stay away from this guy. He sounds extremely toxic.
 

·
uggla
Joined
·
10,068 Posts
Why did you get into that relationship, and stay in it, in the first place? That's not a rhetorical question. You really need to ask yourself. We don't make mistakes. Everything we do is expressing something from our subconscious. If you're dating someone who is emotionally unavailable, it's because you want to. If you're dating someone who is abusive, it's because you want to.

In your post, you said that you were pathetic like three times. You also shrug responsibility by saying things alone the lines of "My SA won't allow me to..." or "He screwed me up." All you're really saying is that you aren't ready to be happy yet. That's ok, but you need to go back and figure out why. What do you need to figure out before you'll allow yourself to be in a healthy relationship?
Good advice.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,191 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Oh I saw your old post, you added a picture... yea if this guy was firing guns and driving trucks, he definately was fearless and tough etc... those guys will have so many options with other women that the temptation for him is almost too much to deal with... I am a nerd and you can move in with me based on your pic haha I am in Park Slope Brooklyn :) Just take a Greyhound bus I live alone with my cat....And nerds are sensitive and caring (supposedly) haha
Haha...you were reading about the guy that came before the one I'm talking about. Mr Firefighter ******* couldn't handle my weird/crazy problems :p He dumped me for being too depressed. I have decided I will be alone (single, I mean) until I straighten out my life. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
154,234 Posts
Haha...you were reading about the guy that came before the one I'm talking about. Mr Firefighter ******* couldn't handle my weird/crazy problems :p He dumped me for being too depressed. I have decided I will be alone (single, I mean) until I straighten out my life. :)
It's better to be single and working on your problems than not working on them and getting with the wrong people.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
70 Posts
I have decided I will be alone (single, I mean) until I straighten out my life. :)
Says everyone after a break up, ever. Why lie to yourself? Your life will never be straightened out. No one's life is straightened out. Our lives all look like swirly straws. Some of us let that bother us. Others use it as an opportunity to excel. Every time you come up against a problem in life, remember this simple fact. Life is like a hurdle race. Each of us has hurdles set up in our lane, and we're all running against each other, and the clock. Every hurdle you get over puts you ahead of everyone who didn't make it over that hurdle. Instead of defeating yourself, defeat everyone else. If it wasn't hard, there wouldn't be a way to distinguish yourself. Be thankful, not intimidated.

The only difference between winners and losers is the decision you make when you come up against adversity.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,191 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Says everyone after a break up, ever. Why lie to yourself? Your life will never be straightened out. No one's life is straightened out. Our lives all look like swirly straws. Some of us let that bother us. Others use it as an opportunity to excel. Every time you come up against a problem in life, remember this simple fact. Life is like a hurdle race. Each of us has hurdles set up in our lane, and we're all running against each other, and the clock. Every hurdle you get over puts you ahead of everyone who didn't make it over that hurdle. Instead of defeating yourself, defeat everyone else. If it wasn't hard, there wouldn't be a way to distinguish yourself. Be thankful, not intimidated.

The only difference between winners and losers is the decision you make when you come up against adversity.
Umm...way to kill the positive vibes. :|

By "straighten out my life" I meant become more independent. I don't expect perfection. My life needs straightening out, it's a mess, which is why I can't be in a stable relationship. I get the point you're trying to make - nobody's life is ever shiny and perfect and blah blah blah - okay fine - but telling me I'm lying to myself is a little harsh for someone who has no idea who or what they're talking about. I'll never straighten out my life? I'll always have to rely on others no matter what I do? Gosh, thanks for the encouragement.

My goal is to get my license, get a car, and go back to school. Surely that isn't beyond my reach?
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top