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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am really glad I found this site. I don't feel like such a "looser" knowing I am not alone. I hate people! I'm not sure if I really hate them, or if its because I am terrified of them. If you look at me, I look totally normal. I am very attractive, pretend to be outgoing, people say I'm alot of fun to be with. But I am terrified inside! I have 2 friends. I am married, i don't have to work, we are financially secure, I have 2 kids and my husband is my BFF. I seem to have it all. So why am I so socially paranoid? And agoraphobic? And depressed? :afr
 

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We all have different reasons for our mental baggage and not even what seems like a perfect life can overcome them. Are you seeing a counselor or anything?

:wels
 

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Welcome to SAS picasso_cat ! It was nice chatting with you earlier.

I am really glad I found this site. I don't feel like such a "looser" knowing I am not alone. I hate people! I'm not sure if I really hate them, or if its because I am terrified of them. If you look at me, I look totally normal. I am very attractive, pretend to be outgoing, people say I'm alot of fun to be with. But I am terrified inside! I have 2 friends. I am married, i don't have to work, we are financially secure, I have 2 kids and my husband is my BFF. I seem to have it all. So why am I so socially paranoid? And agoraphobic? And depressed? :afr
No, you are not alone, and definately not a loser !

I have a pretty good life if viewed externally also but I am so afraid of any interaction that I avoided it at all costs.

In my case it's a self-esteem issue. I don't feel like I'm good enough if I am myself, so I am forced to try to be someone else who they'll like. It takes a lot of energy to keep up the act and not let the real me show through.

I have made a lot of progress so there is hope. Can you confide in your husband or friends? If so, that helps a lot. Hope to talk with you more....:)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
imnot seeing a counselor at this time. but i see them off and on. i take cymbalta 60 mg. i was taking xanax, adivant <spelling?> and effexor. untill i became addicted to the xanax.

and i , also, have the worst self esteem. i cant even begin to tell you all the lies i have told about myself. because i wanted to be anyone but me. but i have become a master lier. and im not proud of that at all! only a few people know the real me. my heart knows i have a sweet life! but my head sees a totally different one. i have EVERYTHING i want. but it doesnt fill the "void" i feel. i dont trust anyone. i feel like people only want to have anything to do with me because they want something from me. i dont feel worthy of having a true friend. i feel like everyone is out to get me.
 

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i , also, have the worst self esteem. i cant even begin to tell you all the lies i have told about myself. because i wanted to be anyone but me. but i have become a master lier. and im not proud of that at all! only a few people know the real me. my heart knows i have a sweet life! but my head sees a totally different one. i have EVERYTHING i want. but it doesnt fill the "void" i feel. i dont trust anyone. i feel like people only want to have anything to do with me because they want something from me. i dont feel worthy of having a true friend. i feel like everyone is out to get me.
Wow picasso_cat. I think you read my mind. I also hide my true self from others. Only my therapist really knows me. I feel like people won't want anything to do with me unless I have something to offer them. And although I know that I am really a good person, I somehow still feel inherently worthless and unlovable.

Don't feel alone picasso_cat. I, and others here, know just what you're going through and can relate. In my case it has really helped to begin opening up here and sharing these thoughts. I think it will help you too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
well , i am sorry you have the same issues. but im glad someone understands! im sure a lot of ppl on here understand. i have so many strange issues. i make fun of myself to others. like my husband. he teases me about alot of my issues. not in a mean or hurtful way. i am always the first one to make a joke about myself. then that way, i feel like people know that i recognize ,what ever im pointing out, and then they cant "hurt" me. because im already laughing at myself. can i add you as a "friend" on here, brokendreams?
 

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Welcome, PicassoCat! :)
 
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