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Hello everyone,

I fumbled upon this site today and I’m really glad I did. I actually fumbled on the term “Social Anxiety Disorder” the other day. I was on the internet like I’m assuming a lot of people with SAD spend a lot of their time doing. I clicked on the link because I’ve felt for along time that something was wrong with me and I wasn’t sure what, and when I saw the term it sounded a little familiar. When I read it, I think I had every symptom associated with SAD. I’m not like a normal guy who can go and have couple of drinks hanging out with the guys watching a game in some public setting, I’d rather stay home. I have maybe two people that I can call friends and when I talk with them I can never just relax and hangout. It feels like I’m always holding my breath when I have to speak to someone, I can’t just let my words flow, something is stopping me from being myself. My wife is the only person I feel the most relaxed with, but even with her, there are certain things I can’t do in front of her. I think I’ve been like this all of my adult life and maybe all of my teenage years, you know come to think of it I remember most of my life people would always ask me “why am I so quiet”, or “you don’t talk very much, do you?” I think I was born shy, but nobody ever took the time to help me out of it. I think my abusive older brother didn’t help either. When we were young, we were at home alone a lot of the time, because my mom was a single mother so she would leave me with my older brother who treated me pretty bad. I mean nothing sever ever really happened, a lot of putdowns, he was always calling a little girl among other names. Torturing me the way older brothers do sometimes, but nobody was there to stop him, so sometime it would go on all day. I sometime have a lot of resentment towards him because he is now a very successful artist and I’m living a pretty mediocre life because I believe I have a lot of fears that hinder me form living a full life. I know I have to step back sometimes and ask is it really his fault or was it my parents fault for leaving us unattended. Was it my dads fault for leaving us when I was three and never showed me how to face my fears and be a man? I don’t know whose fault it is, probably nobodies, but I do know it will be my fault if I don’t get help and It will be my fault if any of this hinders my children from having full happy lives and hinders them from developing into well rounded adults. I already see the affects in my oldest. I can go on all day with things that hinder me from living life, but just to name a couple, I cant go out to eat without thinking everybody is looking at me or when I’m out driving and stop at a stoplight, I feel like the person next to me is starring at me and sometime I’ll stop a little back so my window won’t be even with the car next to me because I don’t want the person to see me and dont even get me started with the opposite sex, I know I'm married but it does'nt change the way I feel when I have to talk to them. Well, if you read this, thanks for listening and I'm glad I found this site and hope this site will help me deal with my life.
 

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Hey ions462, welcome to :sas
 

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Hi ions462 :wel

My dad [email protected] 3 & I got to be home alone with the abusive stepdad instead of brother. No wife but relate on everything else like opposite sex, stop lights, etc. Glad you found the site.
 

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:wel
 

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Welcome, Ions462! :)
 
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