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So I just graduated from school and moved to a new city. For the last few years, I'd hardly talked to anyone outside of class or my immediate family. This really put a damper on my participation in a Master's program; even though I graduated with a decent GPA, I didn't have the guts to do any research at all and could only really pay for it with the discount I get because my mom works for the university system. I also drank way to much for several years, like enough to keep me buzzed (but not seriously drunk, since I never really enjoyed that) constantly for the entire time I didn't have something serious to study or think about — which worked out to six or eight shots a day at one point. Needless to say, this probably cost me a letter grade or more in some more difficult classes and caused me to drop a few also. When I started getting some weird eye twitches and memory loss, I figured it was probably time to stop, which made me pretty darn sick the first time I tried it. Eventually I got it down to two to four a day, then one to two a day, and finally zero for about six weeks. This whole process took about one and a half years. The max I ever do now is two, and if I have more than, I knock it down to one or zero for a while. It helps that even three several hours apart makes me pretty sick the next day. I'll probably have to stop completely some day. My best excuse for not right now is that I really don't want to.

As I stated earlier, I have basically only talked to my immediate family or to people in relation to school or work for the past four-plus years, during which time I lived with my sister, which kept me from getting as isolated as I could have — though I still had some serious problems. I really don't know what I would have done without her and my parents, but now I guess I'll have to find out.

I've heard social anxiety disorder called a disease of lost opportunities. I'm not sure I'd fit the DSM definition of SAD, but I have lost plenty of social, academic, and professional opportunities on account of being acutely afraid of human interaction. I don't like that I completely missed out on research or getting a student job which would have given me programming experience, even though I was explicitly offered the latter and could have easily pursued the former. I don't like that I haven't had even a semblance of a romantic relationship since I was a freshman in college. I don't like that I've never been able to enjoy multiplayer video games or felt comfortable even commenting on people's Facebook posts, much less making a substantive one of my own. I don't like looking awkward and offish at work and have a difficult time getting a clear idea of the requirements of what I'm working on. I don't like sitting at my computer alone on Saturday and Friday nights and being to afraid to even find someone to jog or bike with during the day. I really don't want to live the next of what could be 50+ years on my life like this.
 

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Welcome, FlaviusVernum! :)
 

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welcome to SAS, flavius
 

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Hey flaviusvernum welcome. :hyper
 
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