Hi all! This is my first post here.. I just need to talk to someone who gets it.
I haven't worked outside the home in 3+ years.
I have severe social anxiety and panic disorder w/agorophobic tendencies.
I also have cyclical depression (but not bipolar) and general anxiety.
I have been on disability for the last couple of years, but I am yearning to do more.
I am 31, I have a college degree, I believe I have much to offer the world, if I could just get out of my own way! If I could just stop being so afraid all the time!
Every time I see a job advertised that sounds interesting to me, I get an application, I fill it out, then I freak out and forget the whole thing.
I am terrified of having to interact with people (though I fake it quite well - most people who know me would have no idea), I am scared that my panic disorder will interfere with me being able to hold a job, I'm scared about not doing well at a job, about people talking about me or hating me.. just fear of failing basically.
I also feel embarassed just APPLYING for the job. My resume.. well.. it sucks.
I have had 8 jobs in the last 10 years, most of them lasting anywhere from 3-6 months. My longest job was 1.5 years, but that was 6 years ago. My resume shows a LOT of gaps between employment and a lot of short-term employment. I always quit before I could get fired. I just never felt competent, no matter what the job was. I have worked as a cashier, as a teacher's assistant, as a mental health worker, a case manager.. different kinds of jobs, ranging from only needing a GED or diploma to needing a college degree, and all of them have overwhelmed me so greatly that I would freak out and quit.
I so want to have a "normal" life. I want to have a place to go every day, where I know people, and fulfill a need for someone. Can someone with severe SA really hope for that or is that a pipe dream?
There is a job opening right now that I would love to apply for, but I'm terrified and I keep flip-flopping, thinking it would be the best thing in the world, to thinking I am crazy for even thinking it would work out.
I'm driving myself crazy. I want to say "just suck it up and apply. Just DO IT." But I can't seem to make myself do it.
Any words of wisdom or advice? I really just need someone who REALLY gets this to hear me. I only have 1 friend and she is the most extroverted person I know - talks to everyone, has a TON of friends, is always socializing, etc. Basically, the complete opposite of me, and although she is supportive, I know she doesn't really understand how hard it is.
Thank you all for listening. I appreciate it.
-tavi
I haven't worked outside the home in 3+ years.
I have severe social anxiety and panic disorder w/agorophobic tendencies.
I also have cyclical depression (but not bipolar) and general anxiety.
I have been on disability for the last couple of years, but I am yearning to do more.
I am 31, I have a college degree, I believe I have much to offer the world, if I could just get out of my own way! If I could just stop being so afraid all the time!
Every time I see a job advertised that sounds interesting to me, I get an application, I fill it out, then I freak out and forget the whole thing.
I am terrified of having to interact with people (though I fake it quite well - most people who know me would have no idea), I am scared that my panic disorder will interfere with me being able to hold a job, I'm scared about not doing well at a job, about people talking about me or hating me.. just fear of failing basically.
I also feel embarassed just APPLYING for the job. My resume.. well.. it sucks.
I have had 8 jobs in the last 10 years, most of them lasting anywhere from 3-6 months. My longest job was 1.5 years, but that was 6 years ago. My resume shows a LOT of gaps between employment and a lot of short-term employment. I always quit before I could get fired. I just never felt competent, no matter what the job was. I have worked as a cashier, as a teacher's assistant, as a mental health worker, a case manager.. different kinds of jobs, ranging from only needing a GED or diploma to needing a college degree, and all of them have overwhelmed me so greatly that I would freak out and quit.
I so want to have a "normal" life. I want to have a place to go every day, where I know people, and fulfill a need for someone. Can someone with severe SA really hope for that or is that a pipe dream?
There is a job opening right now that I would love to apply for, but I'm terrified and I keep flip-flopping, thinking it would be the best thing in the world, to thinking I am crazy for even thinking it would work out.
I'm driving myself crazy. I want to say "just suck it up and apply. Just DO IT." But I can't seem to make myself do it.
Any words of wisdom or advice? I really just need someone who REALLY gets this to hear me. I only have 1 friend and she is the most extroverted person I know - talks to everyone, has a TON of friends, is always socializing, etc. Basically, the complete opposite of me, and although she is supportive, I know she doesn't really understand how hard it is.
Thank you all for listening. I appreciate it.
-tavi