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I don't even know where to begin anymore. I just know I've am so weary of living this life, where I can't quite make it in the world.

I have social anxiety, depression and OCD.

What is really disrupting my life right now is my social anxiety, it's extreme. I can't even walk into a convenience store by myself and buy something. How pathetic is that? Why do I feel like I am the only one in the world who feels this way?

I have an opportunity to take a good well paying job, but I know I just can't handle being around that many people. I feel like such a huge failure in life.

The thing that makes me disheartened the most about all this is that if I didn't suffer with this condition, I know I could really make something of myself. I am creative and relatively smart, and I feel as if I am stagnating; and there is nothing I can do about it.

It's a very hard pill to swallow. I can't stand being in line-ups, hence advoiding stores and such, and being in crowed places like walmart or anywhere where there are more than a few people make me very uncomfortable.

How can I function like this and still love myself? That is MY question. How can I love myself knowing full well I could be so much better, DO so much better if I didn't have this affliction? When will my self-berating end?

I am going to wake up at 35, then 40 then...50 and so on, and I will wonder where my life went, and pondered what it would have been like if I had of been in different skin with someone else's "normal" brain.

There is so much I want to do with my life, but this is really hindering any progress I would like to make. I feel like a scared helpless child in a grown up's body.

I am trying SOOO hard to not give up this fight, but I've faught it for so long, and making that much effort becomes tiring. God knows I have tried. I've been to college, had numerous jobs, etc etc...and when it all comes down to it, I can't quite make the cut because my anxiety becomes so overwhelming, I either end up quitting or getting fired.

I am sorry this is so dark, I just needed to vent a bit, I wish I could learn to not be so hard on myself, and remember that it''s more important "Who I am" than "what I do"

I would very much like to talk to others who are going through them same situation, if anyone cares to correspond with me that would be appreciated. I could really use someone to talk to who understands, I feel I am losing the battle here and my soul is becoming numb. I don't quite feel "alive" anymore, I am just existing....

:|
 

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I don't even know where to begin anymore. I just know I've am so weary of living this life, where I can't quite make it in the world.

I have social anxiety, depression and OCD.

What is really disrupting my life right now is my social anxiety, it's extreme. I can't even walk into a convenience store by myself and buy something. How pathetic is that? Why do I feel like I am the only one in the world who feels this way?

I have an opportunity to take a good well paying job, but I know I just can't handle being around that many people. I feel like such a huge failure in life.

The thing that makes me disheartened the most about all this is that if I didn't suffer with this condition, I know I could really make something of myself. I am creative and relatively smart, and I feel as if I am stagnating; and there is nothing I can do about it.

It's a very hard pill to swallow. I can't stand being in line-ups, hence advoiding stores and such, and being in crowed places like walmart or anywhere where there are more than a few people make me very uncomfortable.

How can I function like this and still love myself? That is MY question. How can I love myself knowing full well I could be so much better, DO so much better if I didn't have this affliction? When will my self-berating end?

I am going to wake up at 35, then 40 then...50 and so on, and I will wonder where my life went, and pondered what it would have been like if I had of been in different skin with someone else's "normal" brain.

There is so much I want to do with my life, but this is really hindering any progress I would like to make. I feel like a scared helpless child in a grown up's body.

I am trying SOOO hard to not give up this fight, but I've faught it for so long, and making that much effort becomes tiring. God knows I have tried. I've been to college, had numerous jobs, etc etc...and when it all comes down to it, I can't quite make the cut because my anxiety becomes so overwhelming, I either end up quitting or getting fired.

I am sorry this is so dark, I just needed to vent a bit, I wish I could learn to not be so hard on myself, and remember that it''s more important "Who I am" than "what I do"

I would very much like to talk to others who are going through them same situation, if anyone cares to correspond with me that would be appreciated. I could really use someone to talk to who understands, I feel I am losing the battle here and my soul is becoming numb. I don't quite feel "alive" anymore, I am just existing....

:|
Me too. I dont know what to do with myself. I dont trust many people. I dont want to go out, because i might get laughed at.

I want a girlfriend and a job, but i have never had a girl, and jobs have been limited.

So i am stuck. Watching my life pass by. And its like no-one really cares what happens. :no
 

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:wels

I can't even walk into a convenience store by myself and buy something. How pathetic is that? Why do I feel like I am the only one in the world who feels this way?
There are other people in the world who feel that way too. They might be sitting at home or hiding somewhere (like a library) afraid to come out. You usually don't see them. I feel your pain. Hang in there.
 

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I can totally relate. I'm 45, and I still feel like a frightened child. Nothing has changed for me. I lead a fairly lowly existence largely because of SA. The only thing that has changed is that I have learned to accept myself, and I didn't have that when I was younger, which for me just compounded my problems. I wouldn't hate myself if I had some kind of physical disability that gave me limitations so why hate myself for this? It really is who you are and not what you do. I think having children helped me because when you get right down to it what's most important to me for them is that they grow up to be good people, not necessarily that they be successful in the worldly sense. At some point I realized I would never judge another human being as harshly as I do myself so why not at least be as kind to myself as I would be to anyone else. Once we're gone, money and status mean nothing, but who we are can really impact the world. Sometimes just small acts of kindness make a big difference even if you're never fully aware of the impact. There are little ways I can make a difference even with SA, and I think sometimes to focus on others instead of myself and what I CAN do instead of what I can't is the healthiest route for me. :OD
 

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Hey spirit74 welcome. :)
 

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Welcome, Spirit74! :)
 
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