I am a new member and I am very glad to have found this place. A short version of why: I am 47 and have dealt with severe sa and have been diagnosed with Avoidant personality disorder. I have NO friends and can count on one hand the number of friends that I have had over the years. Currently there is no-one that I socialize with. I have been divorced for 3 years from a very socially adept man who I loved who left me for a woman who is more in tune with his personality. I was devastated and it was the final blow to my self esteem. I long for social contact with others and at the same time avoid it like the plague. I am getting so tired of the battle. I work with 3 very social and strong women in a small office and they hang out together after work but I am never invited. Ayway I wont go on and on. I am glad I found this place. I hope to at least aleave a littel of the isolation I feel here. Dreams and shadows
Yeah, I get uncomfortable if someone asks me to do something sociable. I think it's the fear of forming an actual friendship and then being rejected. It's like when you're having a casual conversation with someone and then they ask you to come over for a barbeque or something. You're screwed either way. If you accept, you run the risk of being rejected later on and if you say no, the other person might feel some resentment.
I've had that happen at work a few times. I used to talk to one of the guys at work about sports. It was something I looked forward to at work (one of the few things). We were both hockey fans and we'd talk about the Avs games. He bought an HD TV and one day he asked me if I wanted to come over and watch a game. I felt really uncomfortable with that. I liked the casual office relationship we had and I didn't really want it to turn into anything more than that. So I said, "Yeah, maybe...", but I never did. I got the feeling he felt insulted.
I used to be able to handle being social by getting a little drunk, but alcohol doesn't make me feel good any more, so now I just avoid being around people. I don't even try any more.