Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 3 of 3 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey everyone, i'm new here, name's Brandon, just registered on this site today. So here's my story...i'm 19, have very few friends, very little of a social life. Was always "the quiet guy" throughout high school. The part that confuses me is trying to figure out what made me this way, i wasn't always this way, as a younger child, i had little trouble making friends, wasn't a complete social butterfly, but did pretty good socially. Moved to a different state when i was 10 (going into 5th grade), and 2 of the few close friends i have now, i met them in 5th grade and became friends pretty quick. I know that in some cases (not always) shyness/social anxiety can be caused by some embarassing/traumatic childhood event, but i can't think of any major ones that happened to me. But continuing on... a few months later, i met this kid who is the same age as me, lives across the street, went to a different school, became friends with him (am still friends with him to this day, and we are classmates in college). But after that, over the next many years, nothing. My friend making skills just like disappeared, all through middle school, i didn't really know anybody, didn't have any of my few friends in ANY classes. Was always quiet, and that carried over into high school with me, i knew for all those years that i was a bit shy, but didn't think much of it. I guess i must have just been used to it by then. And to make matters worse, anytime there was a student in that class that i found to be a bit "attractive" it's like i go out into all out internal panic mode, i got really nervous and self-concious about every tiny little thing i did, and i would be afraid to even turn in their direction to look at the clock, because i'd be nervous about making eye contact with them and making a bad impression. (Eye contact typically doesn't scare me that bad with most people). And the worst part about it was that i knew very well that my anxiety and shyness was way too bad to even think about approaching them. Towards the later half of high school, i started noticing more and more what i was missing out on, (dances, parties, dating, etc.). Wanted to change myself, but drastically underestimated how hard it is. There have been people throughout those years that i have been cool with,(kind of like acquaintances) that i can say "hey, how's it going" and chat with very briefly, but couldn't create a real friendship out of, probably due partially to "not so great" conversation skills, couldn't keep a conversation going on longer than a minute if i'm lucky. Graduated high school, started studying in college to be an automotive technician. I'm a lot more at ease than i was at high school, which makes sense to me for a couple reasons, because everyone in your class is studying the same thing as you, and is heading for the same field you are, so it makes it easier to hold conversations slightly longer, because there are some common interests, and because i had my good friend from the neighborhood in that class with me (as i mentioned above). It seems like the only time i really meet people is when he is hanging out with other people, and i just "tag along", in high school i became friends with one other guy (who also lives in my neighborhood) because i met him through my friend, and the three of us would hang out a bit, and i became (not really close friends) decent friends with this guy. And met 2 more guys at college, (again due to my friend) that we would hang out with sometimes. I just can't seem to make friends with people anymore on my own. And it makes me feel bad, because i find myself constantly comparing myself to him, and i just wish i could be like him, (socialize almost effortlessly like he does). I'm still trying to figure out the "secret cause" behind my shyness and anxiety. And for a while, i also seem really tense and nervous in a public setting, afraid of being watched, worrying if the way you walk, or how you move your arms gives off the right impression. Afraid of messing something up and looking foolish, those kinds of things bother me in any public setting (like going to the store or anywhere else). And the biggest problem i have right now is that social anxiety is stopping me from finding a job, i'm afraid of going into these places and asking for an application or talking to a manager. And do what i know has to be done to get a job. And what bothers me about it, is that my fears towards that seem to have gotten worse over the years, when i was 16 or 17, i was a bit nervous going out to get applications, but i could do it, but now i'm terrified of the thought of doing that. And because of that, i feel like my life is at a complete standstill, and that it will continue to be until i can overcome my fears and anxieties. That's my story wrapped up, looking forward to what i can find out on this site. Thanks
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
154,233 Posts
Welcome, XJBrandon! :)
 
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top