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I'm 23. I've never had a girlfriend and am pretty insecure around most girls. At school I hardly ever noticed girls, I was too shy of them, and so even though I'm an attractive guy I never got any attention from them. Then I smoked weed for about 6 years which made me socially reclusive until a few years back, especially so around girls more than boys. So for most of my life I not only didn't have a girlfriend but didn't even spend time at all with girls. Only in the last year (at uni) that I have started to be put back in situations with them.

I only have one real friend that's a girl, started hanging out last year, and she's great, but I think she more hangs out with me out of sympathy than anything else. She has an on and off boyfriend so is not available.

If I don't put the effort in I easily tend to ignore girls like I used to, that habit seems to be hard to kill. Unless I'm drunk/high I find it next to impossible to approach girls and keep a steady conversation going. And if I do I tend to treat them more as if they were a bloke than a girl, I have totally missed out on on how to flirt and speak to a girl I like.

How do people stay relaxed around girls they fancy, how do u let them know you like them, how can I improve? I end up being really formal and boring and just speaking about boring stuff, not joking or flirting. I really want to be able to though.
 

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I'm 23. I've never had a girlfriend and am pretty insecure around most girls. At school I hardly ever noticed girls, I was too shy of them, and so even though I'm an attractive guy I never got any attention from them. Then I smoked weed for about 6 years which made me socially reclusive until a few years back, especially so around girls more than boys. So for most of my life I not only didn't have a girlfriend but didn't even spend time at all with girls. Only in the last year (at uni) that I have started to be put back in situations with them.

I only have one real friend that's a girl, started hanging out last year, and she's great, but I think she more hangs out with me out of sympathy than anything else. She has an on and off boyfriend so is not available.

If I don't put the effort in I easily tend to ignore girls like I used to, that habit seems to be hard to kill. Unless I'm drunk/high I find it next to impossible to approach girls and keep a steady conversation going. And if I do I tend to treat them more as if they were a bloke than a girl, I have totally missed out on on how to flirt and speak to a girl I like.

How do people stay relaxed around girls they fancy, how do u let them know you like them, how can I improve? I end up being really formal and boring and just speaking about boring stuff, not joking or flirting. I really want to be able to though.
Cant help you with that, but you need to stop jerking off so much. Thats why you are not as interested in girls, did the trick for me. Get it down to once a week at max, and watch the magic of your brain changing

Most flirtation is sexual, if you dont feel sexually attracted, you cant naturally flirt. If you keep whacking it and draining the chemicals that make you go out of your body, then your not gonna feel that attracted.

So lay off the hand
 

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LOL that not the responce I was expecting :)
If you expected it, then you would have already known, and acted on it.

Its because you dont know this, that its important

You dont need to understand it. Just understand that there is a neuro transmitter in your head called dopamine, It is the reason for all fear, it is the reason for all greatness.

There is only so much to go around, and masturbation drains it
 

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If you expected it, then you would have already known, and acted on it.

Its because you dont know this, that its important

You dont need to understand it. Just understand that there is a neuro transmitter in your head called dopamine, It is the reason for all fear, it is the reason for all greatness.

There is only so much to go around, and masturbation drains it
Ehh concepts right,but not quite lol.
 

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Cant help you with that, but you need to stop jerking off so much. Thats why you are not as interested in girls, did the trick for me. Get it down to once a week at max, and watch the magic of your brain changing

Most flirtation is sexual, if you dont feel sexually attracted, you cant naturally flirt. If you keep whacking it and draining the chemicals that make you go out of your body, then your not gonna feel that attracted.

So lay off the hand
May have worked for you, but it didn't do squat for me. There was a time where I made it almost a year without jerking off. That would be Junior year of high school. I was just as afraid to approach girls then as I always was. These days I can pursue girls to a minimal level now that my SA has gotten better, but I can't stop whackin off. I haven't seen the correlation you are suggesting play out, at least in my own life. I see the opposite correlation between SA and pursuing girls, however.

I see lifelong relationships with a girl as a foundation built on friendship, not sex. Start with friendship. I figured this was true before, but now I know it's true because for the first time in my life I am in love with a girl. I've had crushes before but never got to know them on a personal level. So it stayed concupiscence. This girl I am in love with, I did not find her physically attractive at first, but that changed over time as I got to know her on a personal level. As our friendship grew, so did her emotional attractiveness. And in thinking about how this whole love thing relates to sex I admitted this to myself the other day: If it came down to having sex with this woman or with Katy Perry. . .I'd have to choose the former. THAT's when you know it's love and not just lust. This is something I only heard of before. But I know what I am feeling. When you feel it firsthand, there is more of a surety.
 

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I still struggle at my age to be all flirty and jokey with women. It's seriously ****ed-up. I can have guys absolutely pissing themselves, but then I just freeze up and become this boring, serious, creeper around outgoing women.
 

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All virgin guys that don't have girlfriends are perverted compulsive masturbators. It has nothing to do with social anxiety or anything like that.
 

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This is a battle that you must conquer in your own mind. You have to have a detailed plan on how you will approach a woman. After you've approached a woman dozens of times, it gets easier, but you have to get thought the difficult part of getting rejected.

Rejection is a funny thing. First it hurts like H***, and after that it feels numb. Once you get past the numbness of it all, you actually start not to care, and that's when the fun begins. A man that doesn't care about approaching a woman will end up with more females in his life.

How many women have you approached in the last year?
 

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This thread could have been created by about 1000 other users on this forum. Is it truly possible that so many guys with SA have the same, exact issue?
 

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This thread could have been created by about 1000 other users on this forum. Is it truly possible that so many guys with SA have the same, exact issue?
sadly, yes. there has to be a way. I agree with the posters who said limit masturbation. This will give you more energy and motivation in other areas of life as well.
 

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sadly, yes. there has to be a way. I agree with the posters who said limit masturbation. This will give you more energy and motivation in other areas of life as well.
Im sure this is great advice, its good we can give embarissing but maybe true advice like this on internet.

I believe my testosterone levels may be low or something...they get affected by depression/anxiety right?
I never had sexual energy, not even in my teens. Sometimes for a short while but never ever in a good way. And these days I dont feel sexually attracted to anything, almost all the time. I wish I could get energy in my life, lust for life. Not necessary sexual becouse it would probably interrupt my personal journey and Im to afraid of sex anyway. I wish I could become a true asexual person. But thats impossible.
 

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If you read 2 posts above you'll find out that I was being sarcastic. Read the whole thread first before you post something.
Sorry. I still dont understand your joke but I guess I misunderstood.
But I still dont like this style of joke very much... I want people to be very soft around here. Macho-humour is funny but not everyone. Thats my opinion anyway.
 
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