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I really want to be in a relationship, but I have never been asked out and am very shy around guys. I know a lot of guys at uni but they're not close friends, just acquaintances and friends of friends. When I'm around any of them I just feel very awkward and that I'm unwelcome. I have a huge problem getting to know people and it can be months before I am comfortable talking to them. My closest friends think I'm cute and kind and funny but most people don't see that. Not to sound big-headed, but I'm not bad looking, I'm petite and blonde. I get plenty of attention from boys in clubs but I'm not interested in meeting someone on a drunken night out. What should I do?
 

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You say that you get plenty of attention. You see, guys will still come after you even if you don't put any effort at all since you are female. Don't worry too much since eventually some guy will ask you out. Remember that there are desperate guys out there that would ask you out even if you have unpleasant characteristics as long as you are female you are fine. This is how our society works.

So what should you do? You should just wait and be patient.
 

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and women try to say they don't have it easy.
 

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You say that you get plenty of attention. You see, guys will still come after you even if you don't put any effort at all since you are female. Don't worry too much since eventually some guy will ask you out. Remember that there are desperate guys out there that would ask you out even if you have unpleasant characteristics as long as you are female you are fine. This is how our society works.

So what should you do? You should just wait and be patient.
very well said
 

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I really want to be in a relationship, but I have never been asked out and am very shy around guys. I know a lot of guys at uni but they're not close friends, just acquaintances and friends of friends. When I'm around any of them I just feel very awkward and that I'm unwelcome. I have a huge problem getting to know people and it can be months before I am comfortable talking to them. My closest friends think I'm cute and kind and funny but most people don't see that. Not to sound big-headed, but I'm not bad looking, I'm petite and blonde. I get plenty of attention from boys in clubs but I'm not interested in meeting someone on a drunken night out. What should I do?
How old are you ? I actually think that it has to do with you intimidating guys. Because of you get attention at clubs that means they are attracted to you . It is justr they are not comfortable to approach you in public. I dont drink.. but what i hear often is that alcohol is a social lubricant. That is why guy people meet in clubs often. Also they can blame what happens afterwards on alcohol.

You are in better position than guys.. it is us that need to do the approaching hehe.. but ofcourse i don't belittle your feelings. I think you should take every social oppertunity you can get .. go out with friends. talk to guys.. joke around and tease them even slightly...the more you expose yourself to many guys the more your chances that someone will aproach you .

:)
 

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What makes you feel unwelcomed by guys? They don't talk to you or pay attention to you??? I'm sorry but a lot of people are like that. Girls too. I just awkwardly stand there when my sister talks to someone I don't know. I'm always the one having to introduce myself.
 

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I have never in my life been asked out except for online. Maybe you want to try online dating. The other option is to just try to put yourself more out there and at least try to make friends with guys you meet.
 

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Eternal Slack
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and women try to say they don't have it easy.
True

Due to gender roles and my general ugliness, I can pretty much guarantee I'll never be asked out by a girl.

Supposedly they give signs if they're interested, but I don't even get that. No looks, no smiles, nothing.

Inb4 "look confident and happy". I do, and I still get nothing.
 

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Instead of trying to meet guys at clubs, try joining social groups based around other things. You're at uni, I'm sure there are student groups centered around things that you like. Maybe while you're there you could meet someone who has similar interests and then it may be easier to talk to him. Also, you'll be meeting people who can relate to you in some way. But, don't go into these places with the mindset "I will end up with a relationship." It takes a lot of effort and energy, along with time, to be able to form a relationship. Just try meeting people in non-competitive environments and forming social bonds with them. From there, anything can happen. Don't expect a relationship to just happen, but put yourself in situations where meeting people is easier.

One last thing - you could also invite somebody out with you. IT takes some courage and is unconventional, but you could.
 

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I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice considering I can't get a girlfriend either, but I think you still have time to make some opportunities. The first thing is just to get comfortable with talking to guys, so you can take one of the acquaintances you have and just try to take small steps with talking to them. Just push yourself to have small conversations with them and use them to practice your conversational skills. Also try getting your female friends to help you meet guys. But the key point is not to stay in your comfort zone - always be pushing yourself to talk more even if it makes you nervous. That's the best advice I can give, unfortunately. Take the opportunity to improve now, because after university there will not be as many opportunities for socializing.

Also ignore some of the unhelpful responses above. Some people obviously have their own issues, but this thread should be about giving support and advice to the OP, not derailing it into a competition.
 

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Also ignore some of the unhelpful responses above. Some people obviously have their own issues, but this thread should be about giving support and advice to the OP, not derailing it into a competition.
Oh my God, thank you so much for saying this. I haven't advice for the OP since I'm female and have never had any guys show interest in me either (yes, IT HAPPENS!), so all I can offer is commiseration. But I can't believe the tone of many of the responses the OP has gotten. Inexcusable. :no Think about how you guys would feel if you were the ones asking for advice/support! If this was how I were treated I wouldn't even come back to the site.
 

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Eternal Slack
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Madax, you're always saying you're ugly and you'll never get a girl. I just had to check your profile and i can honestly say that you're not ugly at all! If i were to give you any advice, it would be to try a new hairstyle. Try having your hair up and then short on the back and sides. This style is really popular across Europe and it compliments a lot of peoples look (think Rockabilly without all the grease (no pun intended). All you need is to try something new and it might give you the confidence boost that you need. You're not ugly though and never say never about finding a girlfriend, just keep trying and stay positive.
Thanks, but this actually makes me said because I love the way my hair is. I just can't stand anything else about me.
 

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Struggling
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I think you should try to approach some guys and ask them out, if you are interested in them of course. I mean you can't sit around waiting for males to do all the work... This is the 21th century and both sexes should have equal responsibility in my opinion.

But then who am I to talk about this topic? I have no experience and know nothing lol.
 

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or approach the ones you like instead of waiting for them.
I'm not saying this is bad advice, but personally, I'd be careful with doing this one. For those of us that have social anxiety, getting to know and interacting with people is not one of our strong suits...and that's exactly what dating somebody is. For example, the person I asked out, I was a fairly good acquaintance with them but we didn't talk a whole lot prior to me asking them out, and ever since I asked them out, I have been freaking out ever since...for the future, I know not to ask somebody out until I am already good friends with them and feel like they're easy to talk to. Because now every interaction I have with this person, is a major stress-fest for me. Even days I don't talk to them, I'm extremely anxious and nervous about it. It really sucks. So I'd just be careful when it comes to dating and asking people out...
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
thank you everyone for replying. Some of you are saying I have it easy and I'm lucky to be getting attention. I know that's partly true but it also means that being I girl I feelit is all out of my control. Yes I could ask a guy out, but I really don't have the courage to do that, especially because is it not considered the norm. So therefore I have to wait for someone to approach me. Attention may be nice, but it's purely based on looks and I never seem to get attention because of my personality. I want someone to like me because of who I am, not what I look like.

and thank you everyone for the advice too. I guess I just need to push myself to talk to more guys even if I feel they're not thst interested or I'm not that welcome
 
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