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Hello there...this is my first post. I thought this site might help me.

Do you guys ever think that you can't make conversation because you genuinely don't have anything to say or is it that you can't think of anything to talk about because you're so anxious? I have been wondering more with me if the first is starting to become as true as the latter for me.

Anyone got any tips for this? I looked on google for "making conversation" but the results never seem to satisfy me...I guess that's because you can't really tell someone 'how' to make conversation. All the things that seem to come up as topics seem stilted when I try and use them myself. It says 'ask about work', but if I do it the conversation runs out of steam quickly and I can't seem to 'link' or to respond to what they say properly.

I guess if I thought about it now I could think of a load of questions to ask people but questions alone do not make a conversation and I forget them when I'm in the situation.

I can talk when I'm drunk so I guess that means I have it in me at least, though I know that's not the route to go.

Nice to meet you guys.
 

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Hello there...this is my first post. I thought this site might help me.

Do you guys ever think that you can't make conversation because you genuinely don't have anything to say or is it that you can't think of anything to talk about because you're so anxious? I have been wondering more with me if the first is starting to become as true as the latter for me.

Anyone got any tips for this? I looked on google for "making conversation" but the results never seem to satisfy me...I guess that's because you can't really tell someone 'how' to make conversation. All the things that seem to come up as topics seem stilted when I try and use them myself. It says 'ask about work', but if I do it the conversation runs out of steam quickly and I can't seem to 'link' or to respond to what they say properly.

I guess if I thought about it now I could think of a load of questions to ask people but questions alone do not make a conversation and I forget them when I'm in the situation.

I can talk when I'm drunk so I guess that means I have it in me at least, though I know that's not the route to go.

Nice to meet you guys.
Every time I'm conversing with someone and it's not some technical conversation (like about computers or video games or something) then it loses steam really quickly. Many times, I see that the other person who I'm talking to tries and extends the conversation but I still find that I have nothing to say. It's almost like I go into a trance like state in the middle of the convo. It's not classic nervousness since I know what that feels like and I don't get that feeling in one on one convos. However, it is some form of innate anxiety that causes us to have a lack of conversing ability.

I think these are classic signs of SA that we all share, which leads me to believe that this is a real medical condition and not just something in our heads.
 

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I think about this all the time. I tend to "freeze" in front of people a lot of times, and legitimately don't have anything to say, despite being nervous. I sometimes worry I'm poor at conversation in general, e.g., have lost some of my personality, but I think it's more a side effect of the SA. I think if you can learn to push through the anxiety, you'd genuinely loosen up and think of things naturally, because I'm not as quiet around my boyfriend or others.

I ask a lot of questions when I'm nervous, too. I tend to nod a lot and keep saying "oh really?" when I'm really feeling out of place. Haha.
 

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Citizen, I think it's all about taking what they say and running with it. You gotta have a genuine interest in what they tell you, listen, relate it to yourself, and fire back at them.

For example,

Let's say I'm sitting in class, before it starts, and a classmate comes and sits next to me and starts unpacking their books. Awkward silence. I can always whip out the ol' "Did you do the homework?"

They'll say one of several things:

"Yeah."
If so, naturally, I run with the "Did you think it was hard?" Sorta opening up by sharing my feelings on it, while asking them theirs at the same time. Conversation should evolve from there a bit.

"No, I was busy <blah>"
Notice how they didn't just say "No.", but offered a reason along with it. They've opened up to you right there, run with whatever reason they said. If it was "busy taking care of my little cousin" ask about the cousin, etc.

"Kinda"
I get them to clarify that. Too hard, too busy, other subjects to do, party instead, etc?

Yeah, it's just small talk, but that has to come first, maybe for a while, before people may get more personal. If you do take a genuine interest in peoples' lives like this, and they respond coldly, then it's not you -- it's them.
 

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Yeah, i always wonder why it seems that i have to be the conversation starter.

I'm always struggling to start a conversation whether its nervousness or nothing to say at all.
 

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I always have something worthwhile to say, but I worry so much about the way it sounds coming out, and the stuttering and fumbling that will eventually ensue, that my mind actually blanks and I can't find any words. I can also talk when I drink, but I have to drink a good bit.
 

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I always have something worthwhile to say, but I worry so much about the way it sounds coming out, and the stuttering and fumbling that will eventually ensue, that my mind actually blanks and I can't find any words. I can also talk when I drink, but I have to drink a good bit.
Yeah, if i drink i can talk also. Really sucks thats what it takes to feel somewhat normal.
 
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