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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Met a girl at a club last friday night and spent the rest of the weekend at her house. She has a really laid-back personality. Not at all self-conscious. She's been in several relationships and has lots of friends. I'm supposed to meet her tomorrow night for a going-away party for her japanese friend at a bar. All of her friends will be there. Her best friend is coming all the way from another city to be there. This is obviously quite daunting for someone like me, with social anxiety. I've yet to meet any of her friends, and she has already told me they are the most important thing in the world to her. If I can't get along with her friends, she won't consider me relationship material :(
Talk about pressure... But she knows I have SAnxiety, and she's cool with that. She's such a beautiful human being; I really hope I don't **** it up with her. But I'm so nervous about tomorrow, that I'm almost sure I will. Can anyone give me advice about how to stay calm and get over this first major hurdle?
 

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Drink some alcohol, heh. I would say to think positive and go there with the mindset of wanting to meet her friends.
 

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Well she knows you have SA so Im sure she would cut you some slack in the socializing department. Did you tell her that you have SA or did she know from an aquintance?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Well she knows you have SA so Im sure she would cut you some slack in the socializing department. Did you tell her that you have SA or did she know from an aquintance?
I told her. Didn't exactly say social anxiety, just "anxiety issues". I was acting a little reticent when we went out together the following night, so I had to be completely honest about it. I'm hoping my cousin can come along and give me some support, because I don't think I've ever been in a situation quite like this. I know her friends will be wanting to get to know me and judging me to see if i'm boyfriend material or not. If it wasn't such a formal event it wouldn't bother me so much - if I got to meet her friends in drips and drabs... Hopefully it won't be as bad as I imagine it will be.
 

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If you like, you can try this exercise that I used to reduce my anxiety towards a volunteering interview. It was so effective that I hardly had any anticipatory anxiety and almost none during the interview. It was like I shut down my social anxiety temporarily!

Here are two links. The first one teaches you how to identify your irrational beliefs. The second one teaches you how to dispute them.

http://dreadkiller.wordpress.com/2009/04/29/how-to-deal-with-a-dreadful-social-event-in-the-future/

http://dreadkiller.wordpress.com/2009/05/02/how-to-reduce-anticipatory-anxiety-part-2/
 

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Speaking in hindsight here man, you really needed to tell her the full truth about your 'anxiety' as it sounds like you've alluded only to one aspect of your anxiety and haven't actually specified directly the nature of it. How is she expected to know and understand comprehensively if she hasn't yet been enlightened?

Me thinks you'd save yourself a lot of stress and resentment as time goes on if you're at a point where you feel comfortable enough to tell her 'everything' now and you feel understood and accepted by her. I think you'll find it will be an enormous load of your shoulders (especially when it comes to meeting her friends for the first time) and if you trust that you can confide in her confidently then it will also strengthen your relationship and take out any possible chances of cracks and strains later on down the road. It's all about the foundations!

Awesome to hear you got a gal though, nice going ;)

P.s. My phone was on charge Sunday and I was busy all day so consequently was unreachable. We gotta catch up soon though man! Like Nike says, just do it...!
 

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Met a girl at a club last friday night and spent the rest of the weekend at her house. She has a really laid-back personality. Not at all self-conscious. She's been in several relationships and has lots of friends. I'm supposed to meet her tomorrow night for a going-away party for her japanese friend at a bar. All of her friends will be there. Her best friend is coming all the way from another city to be there. This is obviously quite daunting for someone like me, with social anxiety. I've yet to meet any of her friends, and she has already told me they are the most important thing in the world to her. If I can't get along with her friends, she won't consider me relationship material :(
Talk about pressure... But she knows I have SAnxiety, and she's cool with that. She's such a beautiful human being; I really hope I don't **** it up with her. But I'm so nervous about tomorrow, that I'm almost sure I will. Can anyone give me advice about how to stay calm and get over this first major hurdle?
It sounds like she is a very kind and accepting gal, so I really think that things will go fine as long as you treat her friends with kindness and respect. It sounds like she is the socialite of you two, so simply let her introduce you to her friends and just make conversation with them as you feel comfortable. You don't have to be a rockstar or anything; just be yourself and as long as you are kind and respectful, even though you might appear nervous socially, her friends will accept you because they accept her! I'm sure it will go fine as long as you focus on relaxing and just enjoying the time you have with other people! Congratulations on finding a potential serious partner by the way!
 

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get a good amount of drinks in you asap
Not a good idea! This only increases anxiety in the short-term and the long-term! Besides, you might end up doing those stupid things that drunks do and ruining the whole night!
 
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