[TheGoose]

I've got a question I could never really get a clear answer from other people before so hopefully some of you women here can give me some advice.

I'm sort of a big guy so when it comes to asking a girl out it becomes very hard to do because I always think "whats the use they wouldn't want to go out with a big guy like me". I'm trying to lose the extra pounds but I have a slow metabolism so keeping it off is difficult.

So my question is, does weight have a major effect on if you decide to give a guy a chance or does his personality and attitude have a bigger priority on your scale?

 

[Jayne311]

If you are a nice person and someone a girl could have a fun date with, and if you find the girls who are willing to look past the surface, you have a good chance. It sounds cliche, but it's true. I think a lot of people have an idea in their heads about what ideal couples should appear as, but I don't think most couples out there fall under that category. So whether you are overweight or underweight, or short or tall, or anything else, don't worry, because there are people out there who can see past it.

My only concern with weight would be the health aspects that go along with it. I'm into working out and I try to eat good, so if I see someone overweight, I might assume that they don't care about those things. So if you somehow let people know how you're trying to be healthier and that you do care, that will make a big difference.

 

[meowgirl]

Well, i suppose it depends on the girl... But most girls find personality the main deciding factor in their choices. :3 Of course that doesn't mean that you could let yourself go, I think her main concern would be if you were eating foods that prevent cholesterol problems and for your own safety, not for appearance purposes.

 

[Madison_Rose]

Depends if I know him. If a big guy I'd never met before tried to chat me up, I wouldn't be interested. But if I got to know him and we got on well, then sure. Oh, and welcome to SAS!

 

[malaise]

Are you at the level of severe obesity or just like you said a big guy? There is a difference. I kind of like my guys to be substantial, like quarterback meaty or even like bodyguard big. But it really all depends on personality, a strong connection, that "it" factor that you can't describe. I was once pretty in love with a guy who was big, he used to be in a gang, all that kind of stuff, he even got knifed in the back once right after walking me home. He was messed up and damaged like me, we could just be together and not even have to talk. After he got knifed he told me it was dangerous for me to be around him, and just up and disappeared.

Anyways, imo a real love connection doesn't have anything to do with looks. Initial physical attraction eventually wears off, a deeper unspoken kind of connection is the real goal. Maybe I'm an idealist but I think the woman you want should be able to see past the surface if she's going to be right for you. It might be all in your head too, just try having a positive attitude.

 

[Aurora]

I think it depends on the maturity level of the girl and whether the girl is a superficial ***** or not. Most women want an emotional and intellectual connection. Im sure youve got a personality that outweighs your weight.
Personally, looks dont count towards how attractive a person is.
Coming from an overweight female who used to be thin.. being smaller gets the attention of boys, but having some 'extra love' gets the attention of MEN. :b
I think its the same with men.

 

[epril]

I've got a question I could never really get a clear answer from other people before so hopefully some of you women here can give me some advice.

I'm sort of a big guy so when it comes to asking a girl out it becomes very hard to do because I always think "whats the use they wouldn't want to go out with a big guy like me". I'm trying to lose the extra pounds but I have a slow metabolism so keeping it off is difficult.

So my question is, does weight have a major effect on if you decide to give a guy a chance or does his personality and attitude have a bigger priority on your scale?

I have been attracted to big guys' personalities, but I've never dated a big guy. A lot of them seem loveable. With me, I would want them to be proactive with their health. As long as they are trying to lose weight by watching what they eat and exercising, and they have a good understanding of why they are overweight and don't deny that they can be more fit, I may consider dating one. They would have to have enough stamina to perform in bed too. I'm just being honest!

 

[ivankaramazov]

I think once a guy gets to the point where he can hold a conversation with a women without sounding like an idiot, he can clean up regardless of looks.

 

[Iced Soul]

Speaking for myself, of course, I would be much more worried about personality and how he treats me. The best looking guy in the world could be a total jerk and I would hate him forever and there would be no looking back from that point on.
Now, of course, every girl is not like that. It depends on how mature and open-minded they are. Girls, in my opinion, are a lot more forgiving on looks. Now, of course, this could be wrong, but it's what I've noticed. I see a lot more nice looking girls with big guys than nice looking guys with big girls.

Anyway, I'm getting away from what I want to say. As long as you're a nice guy and have a good personality, you'll find a nice girl. Don't worry about it. A lot of girls are ALWAYS on the lookout for a good guy.

 

[Perfectionist]

There are definitely girls out there that see personality as the most important thing in a guy. There are also girls who won't look twice at a guy who doesn't have rock hard abs. It takes all kinds.

If it's just some extra pounds, and you've got the linebacker kindof build going on, I really wouldn't worry about it. Some girls find it cute, and other girls say it helps them feel safe. If you are a nice guy who treats girls well, I doubt being "sort of a big guy" would impede your dating life.

Personally, no, weight would not be a major factor in whether or not I would agree to go out with a guy. If he was severely overweight then yes, it probably would, but a stocky build and a slow metabolism? Wouldn't bother me in the least. As a member of the slow metabolism and a few extra pounds club, I feel your pain.

 

[TheGoose]

Thanks for all of the responses, I read every one of them and this is just what I needed to hear. It was bugging me for awhile I was just to embarassed to ask any girl I know.

Are you at the level of severe obesity or just like you said a big guy? There is a difference. I kind of like my guys to be substantial, like quarterback meaty or even like bodyguard big. But it really all depends on personality, a strong connection, that "it" factor that you can't describe. I was once pretty in love with a guy who was big, he used to be in a gang, all that kind of stuff, he even got knifed in the back once right after walking me home. He was messed up and damaged like me, we could just be together and not even have to talk. After he got knifed he told me it was dangerous for me to be around him, and just up and disappeared.

Anyways, imo a real love connection doesn't have anything to do with looks. Initial physical attraction eventually wears off, a deeper unspoken kind of connection is the real goal. Maybe I'm an idealist but I think the woman you want should be able to see past the surface if she's going to be right for you. It might be all in your head too, just try having a positive attitude.

I'm just a bit big as you said "quarterback meaty"/"bodyguard big".

 

[flickaflicka]

I think once a guy gets to the point where he can hold a conversation with a women without sounding like an idiot, he can clean up regardless of looks.

I totally second this. As I've aged (26 now) it's become clearer and clearer to me that what really turns me on is personality and inner strength. If you can work on being confident, you can own the situation. It takes time to develop, but believe me, women will respond to it. If it helps, try this exercise...the next time you're around a girl that you're interested try to be as nervous as possible. Sometimes welcoming the anxiety and actually trying to enhance it will have the opposite effect. It's magical. Good luck!

 

[smalltowngirl]

Weight has no effect on whether or not I would date a guy.

Personality/attitude is everything.

 

[pyramidsong]

TheGoose, it depends on the girl. I myself prefer a husky gent- would take Seth Rogen over James Franco any day. Having said that, personality is more important. If a guy or girl can make me laugh and hold an intelligent conversation, their appearance isn't so important.

Thing is, I see a lot of threads on this board about "girls think like this" or "guys are like that" and so on. We're all different, and everyone gets turned on by different things. I find ripped/athletic guys quite unappealing physically (but again, if they've got a good personality, no problem) but other girls like it. Different strokes and all that.

 

[SAgirl]

In my case if the guy has rock hard abs, I won't give him a second look. I dated a guy who worked out alot once and he was always on my case about losing weight. He even told me that he felt disgusted towards me and wasn't interested in sleeping with me. Oh, He was a real winner. I wasn't even that big at the time.

 

[pyramidsong]

Ew, what an a-hole!

 

[Iced Soul]

In my case if the guy has rock hard abs, I won't give him a second look. I dated a guy who worked out alot once and he was always on my case about losing weight. He even told me that he felt disgusted towards me and wasn't interested in sleeping with me. Oh, He was a real winner. I wasn't even that big at the time.

Wow, he sounds like a great guy. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
It's extremely hard these days when so many people follow the media and think if you're over a size 8, you're overweight.

This is probably one of the reasons I wouldn't date someone too fit or into fitness. I'm dealing with my weight problem, but I wouldn't want a guy steadily telling me things like 'if you'd only lose weight' or 'if you lost weight, think how much better you'd be/look' or throwing health opinions/statistics/etc my way. I know what I need to do, I'm working on it. I'd rather have encouragement, not someone telling me I'll be better when I lose weight or that he felt disgusted. I mean, why would he even be with me if it's bugging him so much? He saw or knew how I was from the beginning. Weight doesn't fall off in days and weeks, un-freaking-fortunately. And does he mean I'm not good now? That I won't be good until I've lost all my weight? It's not like how I am inside would change all that much. Maybe a little confidence boost, but that's about it.

 

[indigo]

I think that women are more open minded to giving guys chances when the feel the guy has something to offer. Maybe you have a dynamic personality or a wonderful sense of humor. Women love guys who make them laugh or feel beautiful and confident. Personality and confidence can make anyone look attractive, because it's inner beauty radiating outward...

Also, I'll have you know that I've known a few "players" who were overweight, but it's because of their high opinion of themselves (borderline cocky), standards, confidence that women were attracted to them.

 

[caflme]

I can give you an example... I have a neighbor who is a really good guy and he is a BIG guy.... he is funny, works hard, is a single dad, is a good dad to his two boys and is great with my son. I would love to be attracted to him because of all of these qualities.... but he also has no teeth, chews tobacco, has a crude sense of humor, refuses to wear decent clothes in public, and doesn't care what other people think of the way he looks - not even a potential girlfriend. He has a limited education with no plans to evolve and doesn't encourage his kids to even think about college but does spend a lot of quality time with them and makes sure that they have everything they need. So, yeah, in the beginning there was attraction but all of these other qualities really overpowered the fact that he was a big guy... I hope this came out sounding ok... I wasn't really sure how to word it.

 

[slashygirl]

I actually like bigger guys more than skinny guys. I'm just so shy and I think skinny guys are judging me, not because I'm fat, because I'm not, but for other superficial reasons, like my hair or clothes aren't hot enough, or I'm not outgoing enough. But if a guy is bigger, I automatically assume he's not judgmental and I just feel so much more comfortable around him. I think once I have a partner, he'll most likely be a big guy. I just can't see myself ever being comfortable enough with a skinny guy to date him.