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Each day is getting worse, I enjoy being alone for about 30 min then I become depressed when I just have my mind full of negativity to keep me company. Constant negative thoughts, mood swings of only sadness, anger, and jealousy. At the moment the only times I am happy are when Im getting high listening to the beatles, when Im in my bed because sleeping ironically is what I look forward to the most, or when Im playing hockey, been playing 16 years so it's one of the few things im really good at, so it allows me to get away from all the problems

Im 20, in college, virgin, at a SEC school where I walk past hundreds of beautiful girls and because of my SA, 0 self esteem/self confidence, I know I will never see them again and if I do I would be too nervous to even talk to them. No only can I not talk to girls, Im awful at conversations and it is getting worse by the day. I dont think about what to say next but I just really have nothing to say, which worries more becuase it makes me think of how these people are viewing me as someone with no personality. Ive never had a girlfriend and being alone for so long is really starting to get to me.Im in a fraternity and yet I have few close friends, and out of the friends I do have, I only trust 1 of them but even then I still feel embarassed that he knows. I avoid most of the parties because:
a. I dont like to drink that much
b.hate showing up to parties sober
c.only drink beer so it takes me longer to feel more comfortable with myself and others
d. awful at talking to girls, even when Im tipsy/drunk, seriously.
e. most of the guys in the fraternity dont really know me that well, im just they guy they say hey to, so at parties it doesnt change.

When I am at parties, I get extremely uncomfortable, mainly because im so shy that I just avoid getting to know people in general because I know if I try to, I will have nothing interesting to say and then they will think of me as a loser. I try to get drunk but like I said, I dont enjoy alcohol that much. I ALWAYS leave the party early so that I can get away from the anxiety but then when I leave, Im happy for about 30 min then depressed again thinking about all the fun people are having as I sit alone. I just dont get why it is so hard for me to enjoy parties and not have to worry about going to parties and meeting new people.

Im starting to notice a hate torwards everything, just always thinking negative about everything around me, strangers, hate of myself, any excuse I can find to be negative or detest, I will. My parents hate each other so I never enjoy coming home because seeing them fight makes me even more depressed and in a way keeps me from meeting girls bc then all I can think about is how I dont want to end up like them. Ive been working out also and noticing some changes but I still do not feel any better about myself. It is nice to be back in shape though.

I just want to change and want to be happy. I wish I could control my mind.Want to be able to carry on conversations, meet girls, actually find someone to be with (at this point, I could care less knowing we would break up eventually, I just want to be in a state where I know at that moment, that there is someone besides my family who cares about me.) Have some confidence in myself, not be such a pushover and so negative with myself.

I have tried this before on other sites but have gotten no help, so guys please help me out here. Im depressed during the best years of my life and I know if I keep this up, It will only get worse and I would just be better off killing myself. I have no idea what to do, Ive tried researching some books but theres so much info out there that I am overwhelmed from it and dont know where to start and what is actually legit. Friends, please help me overcome this SA and depression, the road im going down is not looking like a good one guys, I really dont want to end it with suicide because If i stay like this for the rest of my life, I know I wouldnt make it past 30.

Please have some advice to offer, books or anything,I really do not want to be let down again.

one love.
 

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for me, there's nothing wrong that you don't like parties, but you must go party sometimes with close friends. 20 isn't too old or too late to have a girlfriend, just take it easy, enjoy what you have right now, im sure there's a right girl for you that youll meet at the right time :D
to overcome shyness? you must befriends ( or just acquaintance ) to people surrounding you, i know it is not easy, its my problem too... just talk to them if you have chance, like ask what's the homework for the day. target 1st the ones that are shy like you, for me, its easier to talk with them because they are always alone and for sure they are just waiting for someone to talk with them 1st. hope that helps ;)
 

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for me, there's nothing wrong that you don't like parties, but you must go party sometimes with close friends. 20 isn't too old or too late to have a girlfriend, just take it easy, enjoy what you have right now, im sure there's a right girl for you that youll meet at the right time :D
to overcome shyness? you must befriends ( or just acquaintance ) to people surrounding you, i know it is not easy, its my problem too... just talk to them if you have chance, like ask what's the homework for the day. target 1st the ones that are shy like you, for me, its easier to talk with them because they are always alone and for sure they are just waiting for someone to talk with them 1st. hope that helps ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #4
bump, bc I need more advice than 1 person who duplicated his response somehow. Seriously guys, I came here looking for help and only 1 person cares enough to respond?
 

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alien monk
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Hey be patient and I'm sure you will get heaps of responses.

Your problems are pretty much the same that everyone here has... don't expect any kind of quick fix.

Try searching for "Overcoming Social Anxiety Step By Step" (there is a torrent out there if you want to download it).
Try googling "Social Anxiety", "CBT", "mindfulness".
I have a book called "Full Catastrohe Living" which is about mindfulness but I never read a lot of it. Also one called "Overcoming Shyness" or something which is basically a pretty simple CBT guide which I only ever used when I was with a psych.

I don't drink, don't have any parties to go to, my parents probably have SA too, can't make friends, want to find a girlfriend. I tried therapy a little, meds didn't work. Mostly I think plain old trying over and over again and not giving up is the way to go as long as you have a basic understanding of CBT. I am trying that "Overcoming Social Anxiety" course thing now and it seems ok.

Good luck :)
 

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Well i have no advice to give because i have the same problems. I wish i could have the answer though :-(
 

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To keep negative thoughts at bay you need to distract yourself. Exercise, listen to the Beatles, join a hockey group or team so you can look forward to torunaments and socialising there. Getting high will only make things worse. Coming down from a high makes your lows even lower, so those few moments of feeling good leave you with much longer pain later- it's not worth it. If they don't keep your busy enough, find other hobbies and pastimes that you'll enjoy. Set goals e.g. increase your muscle mass and lower your body fat percentage, which might increase your self esteem a bit more. If you're already at your desired weight, set more fitness goals. Getting fit is the easy part, but staying fit is a lifelong process.

No advice for this because I'm in the same boat in terms of sexual and relationship history. My therapist helped me by pushing me to speak without thinking about it, instead of planning what I'd say and reciting that. Yes I messed up when practising, but I improved over time. If you don't know what to say, just ask the person a question about something you can talk about or something they've said. If the conversation it ends, and they have to eventually so don't take it personally.

I have no friends at the moment, because the schoolfriends I talk to on facebook months apart don't really count, in my opinion. I'd love to have a few friends, instead of loads. Some popular people are lonely in a crowded room. You don't need to get more friends, just enjoy the ones you already have. Being close to one isn't a bad thing. That's how it is with a best friend. If you were close to all of them that wouldn't seem like closeness anymore, it'd be open, and during the tough times it's nice to have EVERYONE know what's going on.

I don't like parties for the same reason. The expectation to drink or get drunk is always there. I don't see why people don't do fun stuff that doesn't involve alcohol like going to the cinema, theme parks, etc. That's just the society we live in. Don't force yourself to get drunk! Only drink what you WANT to drink, not what everyone else is consuming. You're struggling to enjoy the party because you're so focused on getting drunk, girls and being thought of as a loser, and meeting people. Just party to party! Everytime a negative thought pops into your head, distract yourself. You could dance, sing to the music, chat your close friend, etc. Just do anything but think about what you're not achieving i.e. meeting your future girlfriend.

You said you leave but regret it later. Maybe you should do what others on here do- leave for a while to recharge your batteries. Unless it's an expensive night club or something like that, you can return later. When you're ready, return to your friends and keep enjoying yourself.

Right now I think helping people like yourself is making me feel better. Giving your advice is helping me think about what I should be trying and what I stopped doing that was working in the past. Maybe you should focus on helping others here too, and that will make you feel more positive.

You are not your parents. Their choices and lives are connected to you, but they are not the same. If your parents haven't divorced yet, maybe arguing is just their thing. We all need to release steam sometimes. If possible, explain to them what you're thinking and feeling.

If you want to change, you have to change. I'm still overcoming this part myself. We have to put ourselves out there and take the good with the bad. Everything will stay the same unless we risk getting hurt. If you embarrass yourself in front of a girl, who cares? You'll go your separate ways and probably never see each other again since colleges are so huge. If you do meet again, she probably won't remember because we meet so many different people. When someone talks to us we need to say ANYTHING, no matter how embarrassing we ASSUME it'll be. No more shrugging or 'I don't knows'. If we say something dumb, at least we said something.

I also want to meet my first boyfriend, but right now our SA is probably what's stopping us. Yes some living with SA meet someone, but that doesn't seem to be very common. When we get better self-esteem and confidence, push ourselves out there more, and remove the immense pressure we put on ourselves, a lover will come on the scene when we least expect it.

Suicide is not an option.:no Success is.:D
 
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