Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I hope this is the relevant section... :)

I'm 22 and in a nutshell, i'm alone.

I've drifted apart from virtually all of my friends mostly due to the fact i'd gone to university (although it didn't work out on two occasions) and those who I haven't drifted mostly have their own lives which sadly doesn't include me. I occasionally see both sets but I can count the number of times I see them a year on one hand. At the moment, i'm trying to find work and I'm volunteering at a community radio station but I doubt it'll improve my chances.

I do have my family who are supportive but it's not enough just having them sadly. :(

I get the impression the vast majority of people my age aren't making too much effort to meet new people. I did have an okay social life when I was at uni, but at times I did feel left out with them too. And since I left university, I have met people but i've not had any meaningful connection with any of them, whilst the majority of them seemed nice enough, common interests appeared to be limited and conversations seemed mostly forced and full of small talk.

I am pretty shy but nonetheless, I consider myself to be friendly but I just can't seem to connect with anybody anymore. Maybe it's my own fault, but maybe i'm also being too hard on myself...
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,564 Posts
I wish I could help but I'm looking for friends myself. Like you, I'm friendly but no one wants to hang out with me :no
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,564 Posts
Well, it's nonetheless slightly reassuring i'm not the only one.
Yeah, I hear you. You're definitely not the only one, it's just a matter of figuring it out and solving the problem. If there was an easy answer to this I don't think many of us would be here :help lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Yeah, I hear you. You're definitely not the only one, it's just a matter of figuring it out and solving the problem. If there was an easy answer to this I don't think many of us would be here :help lol
Lol, yup, I feel i've figured it out, just a solution that works is proving somewhat difficult.

I've tried dealing with this head on but it hasn't worked so far!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,564 Posts
Lol, yup, I feel i've figured it out, just a solution that works is proving somewhat difficult.

I've tried dealing with this head on but it hasn't worked so far!
I think if more people understood social anxiety this would be a lot easier, but barely anyone has heard of it so it kind of isolates us and puts us on an island socially.

And also like you said I feel like no one my age is looking for friends to hang out with, I feel like I'd have to find someone who likes everything that I like for them to want to spend their free time with me. And my personality isn't that special that it would draw people to me like that so I'm just left here, looking for answers :stu
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
30 Posts
Hmm. Just to give a slightly different perspective.

I'm 27 and I don't have loads of friends, but I have one very close friend (who doesn't live anywhere near me) and a couple of good mates that I see occasionally for dinner, movie etc. as well as a great boyfriend who I'm really crazy about. My boyfriend has SA, which is what prompted me to join these forums.

I've been, I think, relatively lucky in acquiring what friends I have. I never meet new people. I wouldn't have a clue where to start meeting new people. The few people that I do hang around with from time to time, I've gotten to know just through lucky circumstances. I've been through college and seven years of full time work, as well as a number of part time jobs etc. without actually making any close friends or even people I'd care much to keep in touch with. I think there are a few different reasons for this:

1. Once you get past school/college it becomes harder to meet people because you're not forced into any kind of daily social activity. Some people make loads of friends at school. Some people (like me) hated school and had a horrible time there, and didn't really make any friends at all.

2. Unless you're lucky enough to work doing something that you really love, with other people who share the same enthusiasm, it's purely random what kind of colleagues you get. Anyone in that kind of situation will be lucky to meet people whose company they truly enjoy.

3. When you are shy or socially anxious, it's harder to make the first step with people, if you're one of the lucky ones and you find people you work with that you really like. I certainly used to be shy and I guess I still can be, sometimes.

4. I actually like my own company, and I don't like being with a big group of people. I prefer one to one encounters with a person whose company I enjoy. Not being a social animal, I wouldn't ever have tended to take up invitations to parties or group evenings out. Events like that can lead to good single friendships, and when you miss out on the social scene, be it school, college, work or whatever, you miss out on the common experiences that let you easily start a conversation with someone you like.

5. I'm picky. I don't like most people. I'm very selective about the kind of people I'm willing to give my time to.

And somehow, despite all of that, I managed to cobble together a semblance of a social life and romantic life. How??

So, OP, I think you're right when you say that people your age aren't making an effort to meet new people. That's probably because for a lot of people, meeting other people isn't meant to be a huge effort. I wouldn't be too quick to blame yourself either; I mean, when you think about it, do you meet a lot of people that you really feel you could be good friends with?

You mentioned that people you've met since uni, you haven't had a lot of common ground with, common things you can talk about. What sort of things do you like? There are internet and real life communities to suit pretty much any interest you can think of. Have you tried joining any of those? Having common interests is a huge, huge part of any kind of relationship. Otherwise what the heck do you start talking about? I can certainly sympathise; I'm a gamer. It's a huge part of my life, and the chances of me meeting fellow gamers in real life - slim to none, considering I (not particularly by choice) work in finance. So I could make lots of finance friends, except that I don't care about finance or have any interest in it. So my workplace is probably a social dead end... but as a gamer I meet a lot of gamers online. I've met up with a few online friends in real life more than once - in fact a few are coming to visit again in the new year. I randomly met my boyfriend when he joined my Warcraft guild. It may sound loserish to some people I guess, but I enjoy it and I've met some great people who are now a very real part of my life.

Sorry, guess I'm rambling a bit now... but I think if you really, really want to meet new people with whom you can actually establish a real friendship, and you're struggling for common interest with people you meet casually, then try and get yourself into a community or a job or a club that you're really interested in. Chances are, the other people there will be people you can have a conversation with and maybe get to know a bit better than the people you've chanced to encounter thus far since uni.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I think if more people understood social anxiety this would be a lot easier, but barely anyone has heard of it so it kind of isolates us and puts us on an island socially.

And also like you said I feel like no one my age is looking for friends to hang out with, I feel like I'd have to find someone who likes everything that I like for them to want to spend their free time with me. And my personality isn't that special that it would draw people to me like that so I'm just left here, looking for answers :stu
Indeed it does. :(

You say you're 17, maybe things could get better, if you're planning on going to college, things could well improve. At least it's an age where there's some potential to meet like-minded people, it's there even if you don't realise it. I'm speaking from experience, although I was pretty content and s.a free (or so it appeared) at that point. But I don't know your story, so what I say you may already know and it's not necessarily the case for you.

Sadly when you're my age, if you've not reached a certain level of happiness, or in my case, you've been fairly content but things have changed, it's harder for things to change.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,564 Posts
Indeed it does. :(

You say you're 17, maybe things could get better, if you're planning on going to college, things could well improve. At least it's an age where there's some potential to meet like-minded people, it's there even if you don't realise it. I'm speaking from experience, although I was pretty content and s.a free (or so it appeared) at that point. But I don't know your story, so what I say you may already know and it's not necessarily the case for you.

Sadly when you're my age, if you've not reached a certain level of happiness, or in my case, you've been fairly content but things have changed, it's harder for things to change.
Yeah, I'm in college now and my life is already way better than it was in high school. I feel less pressured to fit in and I'm trying to join clubs so that's something. I just hope things work out and I don't end up alone by the end of it :afr.

I'm sure it is. People are usually at least trying to settle down and get comfortable with their careers and aren't really worried about finding friends at that age I would assume. It's bad for me now, I can't really imagine how bad it must be when I get older if I'm still like this, which I seriously hope I'm not :um
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Yeah, I'm in college now and my life is already way better than it was in high school. I feel less pressured to fit in and I'm trying to join clubs so that's something. I just hope things work out and I don't end up alone by the end of it :afr.

I'm sure it is. People are usually at least trying to settle down and get comfortable with their careers and aren't really worried about finding friends at that age I would assume. It's bad for me now, I can't really imagine how bad it must be when I get older if I'm still like this, which I seriously hope I'm not :um
Well, that's certainly a good thing. :) people who aren't the best socially/shy often come out of their shell once high school is done.

It appears to be that way sadly. :( there's no doubt exceptions but it's quite difficult to find them...
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top