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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey everyone,

I really need some help/advice on how to handle a situation with this girl I met/know. To make it short im going to cut to the chase, but if you want to read the entire story I posted it in the first reply. So, I went to this party, my first ever, it ended up not being what I thought it would be. All in all, all the guys were thugy-trashy-loser-druggy type. Pants to the knees, boxers hanging out, hats sideways. They all were doing drugs, smoking pot, weed, everything. I dont do anything -close- to that, im clean cut, well kept, never smoked, dont smoke, never done drugs, etc. I probably stuck out like a sore thumb there, lol. I was invited by a girl I semi-met a couple months ago but met her more twice this week and we chatted for 10-15 minutes or so each time. I figured I had to go, having never been to a party before, and if I didnt go, i'd always regret it. As SA'rs, if you've never been to a party, we always think how much we wish we could go to one, or thats how I always thought. So, the opportunity came, and I took it.

And its a long story, in depth to fully understand my views/points, i'll post everything in a response below if you want to read the complete story about the party. But, my question is, should I get in touch (as in, fast) with this girl and explain to her what I think, etc.? Try to give her advice, tell her to stay away from these bad people, and such? Im 22, she's 17 (will be 18 in a couple months). My parents are friends with her parents, but I really only met the girl herself on 3 different occasions for short periods of times. When I was leaving the party, I probably walked 30 feet and heard her say (in the dark) 'whos coming?', and I said 'oh hey whats up its me xxxxx', and she said "Oh you're leaving?', I said 'yeah I think im going to head out', she said 'Oh really why!?!?', bear in mind there were 4 people standing around her at the time, so I wasnt going to disclose what I thought in front of them, its none of their business. I just said '...[2 second pause], well...., i'll just talk to you about it later'. She was like "...o...okay". Kind of got the impression she was either disappointed or unsure (not mad though).

So, I left it open ended, but not sure where to take it now the next time I see her/talk to her. Do I just lie and say 'Yeah I was starting to feel really sick, bad stomach ache, had to leave', or should I tell the truth, what I think about the people she considers her friends, the harsh horrendous names these 'friends' call her behind her back (and even to her face)? Should I try to contact her on AIM, or facebook, or on the phone, or just wait until I end up going to her house again (probably with my parents since they invite us over anyhow), and just tell her then?

But even so, what should I say? Because im sure she'll ask why I left the party early, and what I meant by 'i'll just talk to you about it later', or what happened. At this point, im thinking its something i'll probably have to see how her attitude/dimeanor is in that question. If shes asking in a serious, concerned kind of way, i'll tell her the truth. If she's asking in an upset/mad kind of way, or with a certain tone of voice, I should probably just make up some excuse.

Whats your opinion on this? Should I hurry up and contact her on facebook/AIM/call her, or should I just wait until I end up going to her house again with my family to hangout with her family, but who knows when that'll be? Maybe this week, maybe next week, maybe 3 weeks. And when I do end up seeing her again, if its brought up, what should I say, how should I go about it? If its not brought up, should I bring it up?

Any advice/help/opinions would be really appreciated. If you want to read the entire experience/party/etc., its posted in the reply below.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
So I met this girl like 2 months ago (just a handshake/greet/15 seconds), and the same time her mom/my mom met eachother. Im 22, she's 17 (she'll be 18 in 2 months from now). My parents became really good friends with hers. When I was at the docs for the first time (first doctors visit in like 7 years) to get beta blockers (first treatment for anxiety) last week, miraculously she walked in (with her mom) 5 minutes later, so we chatted for like 10-15 minutes. I thought that was interesting how we crossed paths like that, what are the chances (like 1 in a million) that we had a doc appointment at the same doc, same time, same day, especially for me whos never gone to the doctor in like 7 years. So a couple days later my mother and I were invited over to her house, so I went over there. She's an extremely outgoing/high energy gorgeous girl. I walked in the door and 10 seconds later she takes me outside to go for a walk and show me around her house, which was nice. She mentioned shes having a party on Saturday and there were supposed to be like 10-15 people invited but that she posted it on myspace and now theres probably more than 50 coming, and was asking me for my advice on that. Having never been to a party myself, I was just like 'Well its high school probably half of those 50 are just saying they'll come but they wont'. But other than that, we talked about some random other things for a few minutes then got back to her house, met her brother (we got along awesome).

So anyways, her mother said something like 'if you want to come to her party this weekend you can', and the girl chimed in and said something like 'yeah sure you can come if you want'. I ended up staying at their house for a few more hours talking/hanging out (mostly with her brother, the girl ended up leaving like an hour after I got there).

Yesterday was the party, and I ended up going, first ever party in my 22 years of life. But, I came there at like 8:30pm, met her parents again/said hi, then went to the backyard where the party was (they have a lot of land so it was pretty far back behind the house). Nobody was there yet, and I didnt see her, but when I got there, there were 3 guys and I was already turned off just by their appearance. All in all, they were like..thug-loser type. Sideways hats, jeans hanging down to their knees w/boxer shorts puffed out, and their first comment to me was 'What the **** is up dawg wuz your name man!!!', and im just thinking 'what a bunch of idiots, look like they're fresh out of the penitentiary'. Another guy didnt have any underwear on and his pants were halfway down his butt (could see his buttcheeks, what the heck?). I met these guys (unfortunately) and just played it cool, but all 3 of them were complete thugish-dangerous-sketchy-loser type.

And, every 2nd word out of their mouth was the F word. Who talks like this? One of them even talked about "50" (the police) coming and that if he had a gun, he'd shoot em all if they showed up, those "****** cops.". And everything was just so "cool", talking about "killing the cops", "buying drugs", "sex w/girls (in mass derogatory terms)". And whats even more disheartening is while I didnt see the girl there yet (didnt know where she was), they started talking about her, talking about "man that xxxxxx, that ****** wh*re, she so F***** stupid, hell all id want to do is just **** her". I probably heard it 10 times over from all 3. And this is the girl that invited them to the party to begin with.

I didnt say anything, but I was amazed, these are her friends? Why would you call someone by such harsh, derogatory names and words? The girl is a high-class girl, shes smart, shes gorgeous, she's really outgoing, this isnt someone of a 'Jerry Springer' stereotype (not that that justifies those guys' behavior). Anyways, she finally showed up and was surprised to see me there (probably because its pretty obvious im a clean-cut, introvert like guy). She came over, we gave eachother hugs. More people showed up, a bunch of 17-19 year old girls, and more guys, 16-22 age wise. There was like a campfire going, they turned on music. But, everyone started doing drugs, except like 4-5 girls (fortunately the girl that I know/invited me didnt do any drugs). One of the girls came over to me and asked "hey, do you have a bud?", I was like "a bud...like, bud light/budweiser? no". "No, i mean weed", "Oh, no, I dont do any of that".

Through the next hour or so, the guy to my left was stoned to infinity (think it was pot or weed), eyes rolling all over the place/head bobbing. To my right, a 16 year old kid had his lips full of chewing tobacco, and was arguing with his friend which chewing tobacco brand is better. I had people offer me heroin, pot, weed, some other things ive never heard of. I saw some people smoking pot/weed, nothing else, but they claimed to 'have a stash in their car if I wanted some'. Obviously, I turned these all down. I've never smoked anything nor done any drugs my entire life, never would never will.

Occasionally, the girl would come around and tell me like 'Hey, why are you guys so quiet!!! conversate!', that happened a couple times, well, the guys sitting next to me were all high and "in the zone", why would I want to conversate with them? And About what? How "bad" the police are, how "cool" and "trippy" it is to do what they're doing? But, I just said 'ah im just relaxing', and the stoners next to me were like 'yeah so are we we're just chillin dont feel like talking'. Least in that sense, I didnt have to look like 'the quiet one' at the party. There were a lot of guys that didnt say anything the entire time there because all they were doing was drinking/smoking. I was just passing time though, sitting there, I have no interest in talking to these people next to me.

She came over at one time and was like, 'dude you guys need to talk! talkkkkkkk!', and then she said (while pointing) "well, you're stoned, you're stoned, you're stoned, your not of course (pointing to me)'. She didnt say it in a mean way, because then those 3 guys looked at me and when they did, she said 'he doesnt do any of that, he flies planes, hes a pilot'. They were like 'WOWWWWWWW no wayyy, that is so kewllllll, tell us about that how awesome it is man thats great'. So, I talked to them for about 2 minutes about flying, and...that was it, didnt really have anything else to say to them.

At 11pm, I started to get uneasy. Some more sketchy people arrived, cloaked in hoodies, its pitch black outside, they're all smoking (could see it in the dark). Couldn't see their faces, I heard 4 guys behind me talking about "beating the **** out of so & so". At that point, I decided, people are getting too drunk, too high, and I dont want to be involved in any of this if something happens. I got up, walked away, never looked back, didnt say bye to anyone (like they would remember if I did anyways).

I wanted to find her, though, I wanted to at least thank her for inviting me, tell her I appreciated it, etc. But, I decided, if I dont see her/find her, i'll tell her the next time im over her house, because I just want to leave, and im leaving now. After I walked away, I probably walked 30 feet and heard her say (in the dark) 'whos coming?', and I said 'oh hey whats up its me xxxxx', and she said "Oh you're leaving?', I said 'yeah I think im going to head out', she said 'Oh really why!?!?', bear in mind there were 4 people standing around her at the time, so I wasnt going to disclose what I thought in front of them, its none of their business. I just said '...[2 second pause], well...., i'll just talk to you about it later'. She was like "...o...okay". Kind of got the impression she was either disappointed or unsure (not mad or anything though). Like, she probably wanted me to stay till the end. I didnt want to lie, though, and say something like "its getting late", or anything wacky like that. So I just gave her a hug and said something like 'alright hey thanks again i'll cya'. I got to my car and drove away and felt relieved to be away from those people (but not relieved to be away from her).

Another interesting note, I had hours to see how she acted towards/around me versus these other people. She acts different towards me than anyone else, in the sense that I can tell she 'respects me', or maybe looks up to me, in a different way than anyone she knew there. She sees me as differently from the people that were there, im in my own 'category', I could just tell/sense that. Not in a bad way, or 'thats the quiet guy', or whatever. Even how she addresses me and says hi/bye in certain ways that she doesnt say towards anyone else. Its not slang, its not cussing, its polite, classy. But its only to me, but I really feel like thats how she truly is. I also noticed that when she noticed I was around her or looking her direction or nearby, she changed to (what I felt) was more her self, and not who her friends wanted her to be. Thats the thing, I felt like when she was there, with those people, she was trying to fit in, trying to act like them, do what they do, but thats not who she really is, and I noticed that because her whole dimeanor would change if she noticed I was around, or facing her direction, etc.

So now, im left with what I should do next after I said "well...., i'll just talk to you about it later". Should I hurry up and contact her on facebook/AIM/call her, or should I just wait until I end up going to her house again with my family to hangout with her family, but who knows when that'll be? Maybe this week, maybe next week, maybe 3 weeks. And when I do end up seeing her again, if its brought up, what should I say, how should I go about it? If its not brought up, should I bring it up?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
The entire drive home, I was just really sad for her. Not for who she is, but what she does, whom she thinks are her friends, and what her friends think of her. To me, it actually hurts me to hear what I heard, to see what I saw, and im surprised people could honestly be that cruel. Every one of the people there drops the F word every other word. She doesnt and maybe a couple of the other girls didnt (all the guys did). They tell her to her face and talk behind her back about how '****** stupid', 'dumb', 'moronic' she is, and using every cuss word in between. The guys talking about in mass-derogatory names sex-wise to her and other girls, just so bad, so distasteful, things I cant even post here that were said, all kinds of sex slang, who wants who that night, hey 'come over here and do this for me baby'. What worries me is that if you're that age, and thats all anyone/everyone tells you, is how stupid/dumb/moronic you are, and how your only worth is based on sex, you're likely to believe it :( Its just really sad, and I want to help or do something, but im not sure if its even right in my place to do so.
 

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you write a lot and i read all of it lol. it seems you're being judgmental of these people, i know maybe they act stupid but they were friendly towards you right, soo i think it's their way of acting cool, doesn't mean they're all bad and if she invited them then i wouldn't say she's disgusted by their behavior, i would only be concerned if they were her CLOSE friends.

maybe they were not her real friends, just acquaintances, you should (possibly) only have a talk with her about their bad influence if they were her really close friends. right now you're not close enough to her to have a discussion with her without offending her or appearing like you think you're better than other people there. if i were you i would just talk to her online and if she asks just say you left because the people at the party were different than you and you felt a little uncomfortable and out of place... you can also say partying/large groups aren't your thing. if you do get closer to her and notice her close friends are a bad influnce then you can tell her that and tell her that she's better than that, but now i think you're making conclusions too quickly. that's just my opinion but maybe someone else in your position would tell her to be careful of the people she associates with since they're bad news and only talk about sex, drugs and cops lol
 

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You sound like a gentleman; it's nice that you want to look out for this girl, and that you know that talking about anyone the way those unpleasant guys were talking is unacceptable.

I think you should be tactful, but honest. There's no shame in saying "I don't do drugs, I don't like drugs, so I wasn't comfortable staying at the party." Minor point - I wouldn't judge people on their clothes - not every guy who wears baggy trousers is a jerk :)

The guys talking about in mass-derogatory names sex-wise to her and other girls, just so bad, so distasteful, things I cant even post here that were said, all kinds of sex slang, who wants who that night, hey 'come over here and do this for me baby'. What worries me is that if you're that age, and thats all anyone/everyone tells you, is how stupid/dumb/moronic you are, and how your only worth is based on sex, you're likely to believe it Its just really sad, and I want to help or do something, but im not sure if its even right in my place to do so.
You're so right. I think you wouldn't be out of line if you told her that you found the way her guests spoke about her distasteful, and gently tried to influence her away from spending time with such people. If she doesn't want to hear it, then she doesn't, but hpoefully she'll listen to you.
 

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It's unlikely that you're going to convince a 17 year old extroverted girl that her friends are losers. So don't directly criticize her friends. Instead, do what Madison mentioned and distance yourself from them by saying something like "I don't fell like I'm on the same page as your friends. I don't smoke, do drugs, cuss every 5 seconds, etc. I wasn't comfortable and felt out of place, so I decided to leave."

Go ahead and contact her now
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hey guys,

Thanks for the responses thus far.

" you write a lot and i read all of it lol. it seems you're being judgmental of these people, i know maybe they act stupid but they were friendly towards you right, soo i think it's their way of acting cool, doesn't mean they're all bad "

Yeah I know I get carried away, lol, thanks for reading it though and responding. I think its ok to be judgemental in certain regards. I give everyone a fair chance to 'prove themselves' per say, but I just have zero complacency for anyone who does drugs, at all (unless its by prescription ie: weed or something). Im aware that some people who do weed or whatever that are genuinely nice people. Im not judgemental to someone if they're nice/respectful, and they're doing that for whatever. But, when you do weed, dress like I mentioned above, and speak with the F word every other word, and give sexual gestures and comments towards girls, then by all judgements, you're everything defined by "bad", evil, cruel, grotest, whatever you want to call it. Sure, they were friendly to me, but its a fake friendliness, easy to recognize. There are so many more ways to act 'cool' at that age, my age, and even older. How about going to the mall, shopping with the girls? What about going to the movies, or how about go-karts, miniature-golf, or some bowling, or lets chillout at home and watch some movies, or play the Nintendo Wii. Those are such fun activities that i've done and still have a blast doing so.

" maybe they were not her real friends, just acquaintances, "

That could be true, that maybe they're not her direct friends, but friends of a friend. Even so, ive never had any friends of a friend that were like that. And it still doesnt excuse the grotest profanity that her direct friends (that she was talking to / etc.) said to her both -to- her and behind her back, thats just bad.

I talked to my sister about all this earlier today (who is outgoing / doesnt have SA), she's 28, college grad, went to a party-college, she went to highschool parties and college parties. She was curious how my first party went and when I told her, she was shocked. She did tell me that she saw people smoking weed/etc. at highschool/college parties and that its not really abnormal, but even so, they never would be so vulgar/profane and treated people with respect there. In college it was even greater respect/more mature. She said no guys ever talked to her like I described above nor any other girls at any of the parties shes been to, and her impression was in the end was like 'Geeeeeeez what kind of party was this, yikes'.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
" I think you should be tactful, but honest. There's no shame in saying "I don't do drugs, I don't like drugs, so I wasn't comfortable staying at the party." Minor point - I wouldn't judge people on their clothes - not every guy who wears baggy trousers is a jerk "

I know what you mean, I know I cant go in there being like 'your friends are a really bad influence', lol. Then she'll probably get mad. Its one of those things i'll have to kind of weave it in saying something exactly like you mentioned -- "I don't do drugs, I don't like drugs, so I wasn't comfortable staying at the party.". If she asks more questions or gets deeper, then i'll get deeper, but i'll have to keep it at the surface to start so as to not offend her.

" You're so right. I think you wouldn't be out of line if you told her that you found the way her guests spoke about her distasteful, and gently tried to influence her away from spending time with such people. If she doesn't want to hear it, then she doesn't, but hpoefully she'll listen to you. "

I was thinking of bringing that up anyhow, saying something like, 'whats up with people talking to you like that?', or something to that effect, depending on how the conversation goes.

" It's unlikely that you're going to convince a 17 year old extroverted girl that her friends are losers. "

I realize that and have heard it from some other people I talked to. Some people have told me 'run for the hills', others think I could be a positive influence, and probably the one/only positive influence in her life. But, no matter what the odds may be, hope is always there. I met this girl in some really strange ways and strange series of circumstances, some people I talked to mentioned maybe its fate, no matter how opposite we may be socially, maybe we're both supposed to learn something from eacother. Maybe im supposed to 'save this girl', send her on the right track, meanwhile she helps me come out of my shell, become more outgoing, and we balance eachother out years down the road. Sounds crazy? Maybe it is, maybe im leaving my heart and emotions vulnerable. But, at least i'll know I tried. Just writing this now I just had the song from The Fray 'Tried to save a life' pop in my head, lol. I've already talked to her about going to college and gave her advice on that. I think, if I still know her by September (and I sincerely hope so), i'll invite her to my college to sit in one of my large 60+ student auditorium-style class so she can see what its like, checkout my dorm room, a college campus, etc. Because I think the only way to escape everyone and leave all of this behind is for her is to go to college.

" Instead, do what Madison mentioned and distance yourself from them by saying something like "I don't fell like I'm on the same page as your friends. I don't smoke, do drugs, cuss every 5 seconds, etc. I wasn't comfortable and felt out of place, so I decided to leave."

Yep thats what im going to do the next time we talk, whether that'll be in person, phone, online, email, chat, no idea right now.

" Go ahead and contact her now "

I decided i'll wait a couple days, maybe till Tuesday/Wednesday. My sister brought that up and told me I should wait and see if she reaches out to me, or calls me and says 'hey, what happened?', etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Hey guys,

Well I friended her on facebook, she friended back a few minutes later (was online), then we were chatting through facebook. I basically just said 'Hey whats going on?', she said 'not much', I figured i'd start the conversation by saying like 'hey so about the party, are you mad at me?' She said 'why would I bet mad at you?', and I said 'because I left early or whatever, lol', she responded 'no lol im not mad it did get out of hand', 'like all those people there I didnt know any of them they were crazy except like 5-6 and by the time you were leaving everyone was drunk and I was the only one sober and thats when some of my friends were starting to arrive'. She then said something like 'I hope you dont think im just someone who does drugs and gets wasted' (erm...why would she say this?). I responded saying like 'its fine to get drunk or whatever just do it in a safe/controlled environment you know, lol, like not around sketchy people or whatever', I further said 'thats basically why I left though, yeah it was getting out of hand, I was like, alright im getting out of here, lol'. I asked 'so what time did the party end?', she said '6am, cause it got out of hand, lol'. I said '6am!?!?!? what??? why that late???', her response, 'drama'. (not really sure what to make of that).

She said 'did your tell your mom anything?', I said 'no definitely not, because shed probably tell your mom', she then said 'yeah my mom thinks your mom is upset over it all/that she knows, lol', and I said 'oh really, no no no its alright thats not the case, ill tell my mom to call your mom tomorrow then'. She said 'yeah my mom really likes your mom', and I said 'yeah its like theyve been best friends forever'. That was pretty much it, she then just said she had to get going to sleep, said gnight, and that was it.

Short chat, least I got that off my chest/reasoned it out, but..hmm, alright. Any opinions on this?
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
" Are you into this girl? You should ask her out. "

I dont know, im confused. Im into a lot of her, and not into a lot of her at the same time. But, she's on my mind all day long, and im not sure why. Its not like we have much in common (on the plus side our music interests are right on), but yet I feel connected to her in some way, and i'd be willing to bet she feels the same, because her actions towards me are wishy-washy, like, she's unsure. Its like that saying, damned if I do damned if I dont.

I think our problem is that we really dont know eachother and thats where the confusion comes in. Im probably not like any guy shes met or knows (which are probably like those guys that were at that party), so shes wondering why am I not the party-holic, gung ho, crazy wild, sex-maniac booze/druggy F-word type, and im so low key/professional style. Therefore, she's waiting me out to see if this is my true self or not, or to see if im for real, or whatever.

And its the same thing for me towards her. Shes not like any girl i've met or known. Around others shes the gung-ho party wild lets go crazy. Around me shes low key, serious, talking about the future, 'time to get serious', asking me for advice, is this right/wrong, my opinions, etc. So I cant tell what she wants or who she is. Either you are the party-wild-uninhibited-girl, or is that just a fasad to blend in with your friends (and make friends). Considering shes 17, that'd make sense, that desire just to fit in, because thats where she's just 'fallen' per say. Or, deep within, are you really that low key, serious girl, who just fell into the wrong crowd, and now tries to blend in? I dont know, its a mess, its all over the place.

Asking her out, i'd give it a shot, only when shes 18 though (couple months away), on the plus side that'd give me some time to figure her out more and for her to figure me out also.

"You already know her so it shouldn't be that hard. Just ask her out to go do something just between the two of you. "

I thought about that, even just for fun, not in date-sense/terms, just being like 'hey, want to go to the movies or whatever?', just to do something. I talked to my sister about this and she's like 'if you go with a girl to the movie, and shes the only one with you, its considered a date, end of story'. Really? How?? She told me it is, I dont see how it is. I suppose it could become *like* a date, in the sense that, id buy the girl the ticket, buy her drinks/food, etc, but just because I think thats the right thing to do. I mean, I could understand other people could think we're dating, but between the both of us, we could just be friends, so I dont see how going somewhere 1 on 1 with a girl is considered a date. Like, what if I went with a guy friend to the movie, does that mean we're a gay couple? I dont see how that works...lol.
 

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Whoa, were this girls parents around at the time?

Sounds to me like everyone at the party just felt totally comfortable around you. Like the guys you say were being really derogatory and stuff, the fact that they were just being that way when they didn't know you, but at the same time welcoming you into their clique by the sounds of it. If they were really bad violent guys it seems like they would have been mean toward you. Anyway, that was a really interesting read. You seem pretty bold considering you've never been to a party.

To me though, it sounds like you can read people pretty well, and you probably have a presence that makes people comfortable around you. Like it sounds like the stoners even looked up to you/respected you at that party. Could be something to do with being older than some of them? I don't blame you for feeling these guys are losers though. I know guys, especially when they are all trying to fit in/teenagers can be very derogatory toward women. It's a social stigma though. People, especially doing lots of drugs, will sway to anything the clique is aiming toward. It's weird, I know. These guys are probably gonna be a bit more mature when they're older. Some of them anyway.

It's great too that you show concern for the girl. Probably most of those party goers don't really have too hard feelings toward her, they're just saying **** for the sake of saying it.

If I were you, I would simply ask her how she feels about those guys. She might not actually have been friends with them at all, if people were just showing up at her house. Ask her if her parties always involve that kind of thing. If so, you can just say you're concerned about it. But don't like get in her business or tell her to do otherwise. Just let her know casually it worries you. Because stuff like that can be dangerous if it gets out of hand. But I wouldn't take it any further than that about the whole situation.

You should definitely get to know her better though, by the sounds of it. Just my opinion.
 

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Sounds to me like everyone at the party just felt totally comfortable around you. Like the guys you say were being really derogatory and stuff, the fact that they were just being that way when they didn't know you, but at the same time welcoming you into their clique by the sounds of it. If they were really bad violent guys it seems like they would have been mean toward you. Anyway, that was a really interesting read. You seem pretty bold considering you've never been to a party.
I'm sure they were probably being fake with him, much the same way he was pretending to not have a problem with them. I think it's a common social tactic in order to avoid drama.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Hey caithiggs & futures, thanks for the responses ;)

" Sounds to me like everyone at the party just felt totally comfortable around you. Like the guys you say were being really derogatory and stuff, the fact that they were just being that way when they didn't know you, but at the same time welcoming you into their clique by the sounds of it. "

I think its what futures mentioned below, and what I mentioned in reply #2, you can tell its a fake friendliness to avoid issues. The same thing I was doing to them, just playing it 'cool' per say, not interested in starting anything. Besides, I think all they wanted to do was get drunk and high and avoid the police, therefore they'll be nice to everyone. The last thing you'd want to do in that environment is make one guy mad, he leaves, then for revenge, he'll call the cops, they'll come and cancel the whole party. Considering the first 3 guys I met at 8:30pm told me they were concerned about '50' showing up that night, no wonder why everyone was nice to eachother. Plus some of the guys mentioned during the night they were on probation/prior convictions, and if they got caught doing this/that, this/that would happen, etc.

" If they were really bad violent guys it seems like they would have been mean toward you. "

I knew immediately that nobody would be mean to me because they'll look at me as A. Being 22, therefore able to supply alcohol, and B. They dont know if im a druggy or not. They're in it for the drugs and alcohol, so they'll befriend anyone 21+ who likely can easily obtain/has connections to those things than younger guys. They dont want to ruin that connection, that was another thing I thought about when it I was there and it was around 11:00pm and the beer/alcohol supply was dwindling down. I just thought, how are these guys going to get more alcohol? Oh, ask all the 21+ guys, which was me, and like 3 others.

" You seem pretty bold considering you've never been to a party. " Thanks :D It was hard to go, a mind over matter thing (with SA and all), I had a really gut-wrenching pit/butterflies in the stomach before I went, not knowing what to expect having never been to one before. Once I was there (at the time I parked my car actually), and minutes later despite my first impressions, I had a serene sense of being calm (was really weird), I was completely at ease and relaxed.

" To me though, it sounds like you can read people pretty well, and you probably have a presence that makes people comfortable around you. Like it sounds like the stoners even looked up to you/respected you at that party. Could be something to do with being older than some of them? "

Thanks, they likely respected me because of my age/appearance and because she mentioned what I do (which they thought was cool, lol). I was in high school once, they'd very likely react differently if I was 16-17 years old/being their age. But since im older, they kind of look up to me/respect me in that regard. Same thing I do to my older sister who's 6 years older than me.

" These guys are probably gonna be a bit more mature when they're older. Some of them anyway. "

Definitely, the guys that were 21-22 there (that I know because they introduced themselves to me) were very low key, they were the ones that actually didnt say anything, just grabbed a beer, sat down, smoked whatever, didnt really talk to anyone. It was the 16-19 year olds that were the wild guys, cussing, sex-talk, put-downs, everything I mentioned above. Maybe some were 20, 21, 22, but I wouldn't know since most didnt tell (and I didnt ask) their age, I just heard most discussing which high school they were from and grade level, so i'd assume 16-18 was the majority.

" You should definitely get to know her better though, by the sounds of it. Just my opinion. "

Yeah I will, on the plus side I found that we have nearly -identical- taste in music, so thats something to strike up a conversation on. Plus, she'll be out for summer break in another 3-4 weeks, and she told me she stays up late (till 6am or so) in the summer, I stay up till 4am, so we'll probably talk late night, im sure most of her friends arn't on at that time. We'll see what happens, just have to be patient for now and take it easy.
 

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Just go the friends route. As friends, you could tell her that the party environment made you feel uncomfortable. Drugs, thugs, mugs, rugs, hugs, tugs, and chugs - not a good thing.
 

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" Just go the friends route. As friends, you could tell her that the party environment made you feel uncomfortable. Drugs, thugs, mugs, rugs, hugs, tugs, and chugs - not a good thing. "

I hope we can be friends/hangout sometime, even just in the near future or whatever.

Another shocker happened today (Friday). So, tomorrow i'm going to a wedding. I just found out that her brother is going to the same wedding, he knows the brides family, while I know the grooms, and neither of us knew we were going to the same wedding until today. What are the chances of that!?! Probably one in a million. So, tomorrow (Saturday) should be fun, as once again i'll be hanging out with her brother, this time at a wedding, probably for 4-5-6+ hours. I dont know whats up with all these chance encounters, before it was with her, now its with her brother. As far as I know, she wont be there (not sure where she'll be / and I didnt ask). If she is, i'll be stunned, lol. We'll see I guess, at least i'll be dressed sharp for this occasion.
 
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