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Hello forum,

NOTE: I know I go overboard with details. So I made my question bold.

After this thread I will properly introduce myself :) I just wanted some quick advice for this is the biggest issue I struggle with. I am sorry if this is long, it would help me greatly if you could provide me with support or advice, I don't know what to do.

After a semester of living on my own and studying, I've been diagnosed with ADD. This means I now have a label for being a pretty chaotic person. I have been called 'absent-minded professor' (in Dutch 'verstrooide professor', no idea if in English it's as commonly used) from a very early age on.

I am always all over the place, easy distracted and to top it all off I am also incredibly clumsy. Because of all this, I appear confused and panicky (to some people funny, others annoying).

Yet ADD has helped me greatly in some situations; it is a great cover up for my social anxiety. Because I get distracted easily, I don't focus on the anxiety when I'm in social situations. I am busy with so many things at the same time, it fades to the background. Sometimes it flares up, but most of the time it's manageable.

I am proud of myself for joining a very friendly, small students' union. I am still an active member that organizes and joins activities.They don't let new members do horrible stuff like forcing them to drink a lot or make fools out of themselves. In fact, we call ourselves the 'most accepting union'. The members are a very diverse group of people.

Because I am an active member, I have been invited to some associations. I have almost joined one. I am also currently a member of a commission. Lately, I have discovered I am holding myself back because of my social anxiety. I assume people think I am annoying, or boring. It doesn't matter if they have straight out told me they appreciate me. I am aware that it isn't rational. Still, I fear people secretly find me boring and annoying and don't want me around.

I have concluded this after considering quitting the commission, because I seriously think that people dislike having to be around me to do certain tasks.

Same goes for the association-thing. They have invited me, meaning they like me and want me to join their group of friends. People are always impressed by the number of associations that wanted me to become a member. That is that, I know in my head that it's true. Yet still, (YET STILL:mum) I feel like they are second guessing, regretting they asked me, and have concluded they don't want me.

And exactly the same goes for dating. Since I have opened up and joined some groups, I have been approached by a surprising amount of men. I have chosen to chase the man I find adorable. We have been on a couple of dates, and I am surprised to find that he decides to stay over, or wants to be boring with me all day. In his absence, I try to prepare myself for the inevitable let-down.

I know he is impressed by the way I look and I am 100% convinced that once he starts to come to his senses and sees through my looks, he will see the awkward, boring loser that I am and will stop dating me.

In the past, I have quit a sportsteam and a debating team, both of which I really enjoyed being part of, but I feared that the people in them thought I was annoying. I have dated people I didn't like, because I believed I didn't deserve to be treated better because I am so awkward, so boring, such a loser.


I know that my fears are based on nothing. Still I feel and believe the fears. Fear that people think I'm an annoying, boring loser. Fear that the people that like me at the moment, will start to dislike me once they get to know me. Even if there is no proof. How to cope with this? How to stop believing that everyone dislikes me?

I believe it's familial. I have a brother and a sister, both have zero self esteem and think low of themselves. Same goes for my mother and her entire family. So I am predisposed to having low self esteem. I desperately need a mind-trick of some sort to escape from my fears.
 

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Pastry Case
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It might well be that you are detecting people's annoyance with you, BUT ..... I am guessing that this is only fleeting annoyance and on the whole they like you and enjoy being with you and feel as if you are competent in what you do. This is pretty much the situation for everybody! Sometimes we all get on someone's nerves(for all sorts of reasons), but it doesn't mean that we aren't generally liked and appreciated.

Maybe you are just overly sensitive to other people's irritation and hold onto it long after they have let go of it.

Could you perhaps promise yourself that YOU won't quit things(teams, relationships etc.), but you'll wait for others to act ...... my guess is they won't!
 

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Hello forum,

NOTE: I know I go overboard with details. So I made my question bold.

After this thread I will properly introduce myself :) I just wanted some quick advice for this is the biggest issue I struggle with. I am sorry if this is long, it would help me greatly if you could provide me with support or advice, I don't know what to do.

After a semester of living on my own and studying, I've been diagnosed with ADD. This means I now have a label for being a pretty chaotic person. I have been called 'absent-minded professor' (in Dutch 'verstrooide professor', no idea if in English it's as commonly used) from a very early age on.

I am always all over the place, easy distracted and to top it all off I am also incredibly clumsy. Because of all this, I appear confused and panicky (to some people funny, others annoying).

Yet ADD has helped me greatly in some situations; it is a great cover up for my social anxiety. Because I get distracted easily, I don't focus on the anxiety when I'm in social situations. I am busy with so many things at the same time, it fades to the background. Sometimes it flares up, but most of the time it's manageable.

I am proud of myself for joining a very friendly, small students' union. I am still an active member that organizes and joins activities.They don't let new members do horrible stuff like forcing them to drink a lot or make fools out of themselves. In fact, we call ourselves the 'most accepting union'. The members are a very diverse group of people.

Because I am an active member, I have been invited to some associations. I have almost joined one. I am also currently a member of a commission. Lately, I have discovered I am holding myself back because of my social anxiety. I assume people think I am annoying, or boring. It doesn't matter if they have straight out told me they appreciate me. I am aware that it isn't rational. Still, I fear people secretly find me boring and annoying and don't want me around.

I have concluded this after considering quitting the commission, because I seriously think that people dislike having to be around me to do certain tasks.

Same goes for the association-thing. They have invited me, meaning they like me and want me to join their group of friends. People are always impressed by the number of associations that wanted me to become a member. That is that, I know in my head that it's true. Yet still, (YET STILL:mum) I feel like they are second guessing, regretting they asked me, and have concluded they don't want me.

And exactly the same goes for dating. Since I have opened up and joined some groups, I have been approached by a surprising amount of men. I have chosen to chase the man I find adorable. We have been on a couple of dates, and I am surprised to find that he decides to stay over, or wants to be boring with me all day. In his absence, I try to prepare myself for the inevitable let-down.

I know he is impressed by the way I look and I am 100% convinced that once he starts to come to his senses and sees through my looks, he will see the awkward, boring loser that I am and will stop dating me.

In the past, I have quit a sportsteam and a debating team, both of which I really enjoyed being part of, but I feared that the people in them thought I was annoying. I have dated people I didn't like, because I believed I didn't deserve to be treated better because I am so awkward, so boring, such a loser.


I know that my fears are based on nothing. Still I feel and believe the fears. Fear that people think I'm an annoying, boring loser. Fear that the people that like me at the moment, will start to dislike me once they get to know me. Even if there is no proof. How to cope with this? How to stop believing that everyone dislikes me?

I believe it's familial. I have a brother and a sister, both have zero self esteem and think low of themselves. Same goes for my mother and her entire family. So I am predisposed to having low self esteem. I desperately need a mind-trick of some sort to escape from my fears.
The last bit in bold COMPLETELY sums up how I feel about life/myself at the moment.
 

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I know he is impressed by the way I look and I am 100% convinced that once he starts to come to his senses and sees through my looks
Um. How does that work? 'Seeing through' your looks? Were you under the impression that we guys care about anything other than looks? I think you are perfectly safe as far as relationships go. As long as you are better looking than the guy is or maybe even just as good looking you have nothing to worry about.

Don't worry about being boring. We guys expect that from pretty girls. The ones who aren't are the rare exception. Only a fool would break up with a pretty girl because she wasn't keeping him constantly entertained. You see that's the wonderful thing about being beautiful. You don't need to do anything to earn love, for people to want to be with you. You just have to be and that is enough. We value you enough based solely on your physical being. It's nice if there's more but it's certainly not required.

As for the rest, why put yourself through all that? Is it making you happy? Why not pursue a 'going toward' strategy of doing things that make you happy instead of things that make you unhappy? If doing group things make you unhappy then why do them? Do stuff that makes you happy instead. I don't much like people in general and avoid them whenever possible. I generally prefer non-human animals. Being around other humans just makes me sad.
 
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