Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 20 of 20 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
299 Posts
I had a therapist about a year ago that returned my phone call stating that "he didn't know what to do for me anymore & that I called much too often." Her cruelly referred me to the ER & after that I cut all ties with him.

Needless to say a lot of psychiatrists are not equipped for therapy & most therapists aren't the best. Take your time in finding a good one that can cater to your needs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,364 Posts
the way i see it, a therapist is someone you pay to help you control and eventually defeat whatever ails you. i only expect support, not so much understanding and compassion. therapists are not your friends and they shouldnt be used as such. i expect a therapist to help me figure out new ways to get better. thats my take on the issue anyway. if this guy knows youre emotional and chooses to crack jokes about it maybe you should go ahead and find someone new. but you also have to examine the way you approach therapy and think of ways to make the therapists job easier instead of overwhelming them.
 

·
Your Assumptions
Joined
·
7,027 Posts
He used the wrong wording and it indicates to me he lost some control of his own emotions. I don't know why. It's his wording being wrong that's the issue here (the way he's communicating about your emotions), rather than the nature of your emotions. If you've seen him a while and it's very rare, I doubt it's a red flag. If it were a new therapist or not a rare occurrence, I'd see such a thing as a red flag.
 

·
The baddest in the game
Joined
·
783 Posts
Poor thing, I am so sorry he did that! I would be really hurt too if someone said that to me. A therapist is supposed to understand your emotions and he did go to school to get a degree for a job that deals with people who have emotional problems when in fact he does not seem to be the best for that job. So it seems to me like he is not the best choice for you. I would take what he said as a warning and consider seeing someone else.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
504 Posts
I wouldn't say it is a red flag. My therapist would say the same about me - my emotional reactions are usually over the top, so we work on figuring out why, and work in changing things.

Why did it hurt so much?

What joke did he make?

Are you making progress in therapy?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
870 Posts
Last session - my therapist did something he's never done before. He called my emotions "over the top". Is this a red flag or what? It really hurt that he said that. Like... REALLY hurt. I guess that's another example of my emotions being "over the top"?

The session before, he had made a very cruel joke to me. So I called him & left a message saying how much the joke had hurt my self-esteem. & I was crying into the phone. Next session, meaning last session, he said my emotions were over the top.

Would anyone else be upset about this? I go to him, I "pay" him, for understanding, support & compassion. Not be told that I'm "over the top". I mean - for god's sake, I can't control my emotions!
For example, for somebody with an anxiety disorder, it's characterised by people having an anxiety response to something on a level considered a bit 'over the top'.

Would you rather him tell you that your emotions are exactly where they should be at, and there's nothing you could improve with your emotional response?

You said you go to him for understanding, support & compassion. You didn't mention that you go there cause you want to get better. Maybe your therapist wants you to try and not simply resign to being at the mercy of frequently extreme emotions but is challenging you to try and act differently.

(i'm sorry I really don't want to sound rude and I feel like i do here.)
 

·
Freedom is lurking
Joined
·
809 Posts
^ Was thinking the same thing. The therapist isn't there to make you feel good about yourself, he's there to help you get better. It is possible that you may need to be shocked into getting better, as hard as it may be, and he might be actually pouring salt on your wounds on purpose. My therapist has told me a couple of times that it's quite possible I will only improve after becoming desperate enough. I don't like that one bit, but I have to concede that she may be right.
 

·
Your Assumptions
Joined
·
7,027 Posts
That's good he owned up to it. From the wording alone it was apparent he was reacting emotionally and it wasn't appropriate. He wasn't informing you or giving you constructive feedback with those words. That's what people don't get - it can take experience with several therapists to see this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
504 Posts
Sounds like it isn't a good working relationship. Not all people click together, not all therapist/client relationships work. Best thing to do is to accept that, move on and find a different therapist. Sounds like he is frustrated, you are frustrated, and no progress is being made. Good luck finding a new therapist, and perhaps discuss the reasons this working relationship hasn't worked out with your new therapist.

Sounds like it wasn't very professional and boundaries were crossed. Not healthy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
504 Posts
Thanks for the responses.

I'm kinda inclined to give him a second chance however. I've been seeing this guy for a year & a half & nothing like this has ever happened. This the first time that things went wrong. I've seen him once a week, even twice a week, for all that time. I really like him. I was just confused when this happened...

Right now - what is happening - is that I'm seeing this new doctor that does intensive therapy. He's gonna take the lead in the therapy. & My old therapist is gonna just help me process things in between the more important sessions of the doctor.

My session with my therapist yesterday went quite well. It seems like we got past this problem. He is back to helping me like usual. I just hope it stays like this..
Have you told both doctors you'll be working with someone else? I've never met a therapist who'd be willing to work with someone who is working with someone else, it just never seems to work - too much conflict, too much difficulty opening up, being selective and only showing one side of you to each.

You really like him, but is it a healthy working relationship? Are you making good progress?
 

·
Freedom is lurking
Joined
·
809 Posts
I'm glad you got past that problem. I'm no expert, obviously, but as they say, every relationship has it's ups and downs, even relationships with therapists. You've been seeing him for a year and a half, there's bound to be some friction. Of course, if there's too much of it, it's just not working, but that's up to you to decide.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
505 Posts
Reading this thread upsets me.
Isn't there a place you can complain about psychotherapists? It simply cannot be that they rip people off, don't actually help them, probably even hurt them and get away with it. If a therapist made cruel jokes I'd definitely report him. There is a difference between a therapist who sucks and is unable to help and one who makes cruel jokes.
Personally I wouldn't want to go to a therapist anymore who knowingly risks making myself worse by making stupid jokes. I'd rather try to find a new one but the same thing could happen again. This really makes me wonder if therapy is helpful at all.
Just imagining going to someone for a while, shoving him money up his *** and then even being made fun of makes me damn angry. I don't know what I'd do if such a thing happened.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,002 Posts
He told me he does "Ego Supportive Therapy". To me - sounds like all his job is, is to make me feel better about myself. & Really - when I talk about my self-esteem issues, all he ever tries to do is compliment me.

I appreciate everyone's input. The cruel joke was.. well, I don't wanna get flamed for this but I'll say it anyway since some of you are curious. I have a huge problem with my self-esteem so I don't like to see beautiful girls seeing my therapist after me. So - he made the joke that he only schedules old people after me, because he knows that I'm sensitive to seeing pretty girls. Well - right after he said that, his client walks in & she's a gorgeous girl my age. & He just took her all happy, completely not caring that he "knows", he knows very well, that I'd be upset about it. So - it wasn't so much the fact that I saw a beautiful girl come after me. It was the fact that he had the nerve to joke about it. In that particular session, I was having an emotional breakdown. That joke was the thing that threw me over the edge, & I ended up sobbing in front of my mother who picked me up. So - that's when I called him telling him about his cruel joke.

Ugh. I don't care what you guys say, that joke HURT. & I really didn't need it at the time as I was very fragile emotionally.

Anyway - I saw my therapist yesterday & I explained to him that he can't do something like that again or I will leave. & Just so everyone knows, I also have an appointment with a new doctor today. I've been to him in the hospital & he is like, ten million times better than my therapist. He's actually.. like.. smart. :roll

& I'm sorry - but you don't tell someone with severe emotional problems that they're emotions are "over the top". That's like invalidating my emotions. That's how it felt.

& No - he wasn't saying it to be helpful. He said it quite spitefully. He even admitted that his response was rooted in counter-transference & he let his own emotions come out when he should have stayed professional.
I very much agree that this was very unprofessional of him. It always pains me to hear stories like this, as a future therapist, it feels personal. People who can't handle emotions and don't have enough understanding shouldn't become ****ing therapists. Simple as that.:mum
 

·
SAS's Chief Meteorologist
Joined
·
7,539 Posts
Last session - my therapist did something he's never done before. He called my emotions "over the top". Is this a red flag or what? It really hurt that he said that. Like... REALLY hurt. I guess that's another example of my emotions being "over the top"?

The session before, he had made a very cruel joke to me. So I called him & left a message saying how much the joke had hurt my self-esteem. & I was crying into the phone. Next session, meaning last session, he said my emotions were over the top.

Would anyone else be upset about this? I go to him, I "pay" him, for understanding, support & compassion. Not be told that I'm "over the top". I mean - for god's sake, I can't control my emotions!
Find a new therapist. You're paying someone who is clueless to what people need when they go in for therapy.
 

·
.
Joined
·
3,881 Posts
I've had bad experiences with therapists as well. It's really quite often that these people lack the understanding needed to help their patients. Sometimes they can even have a really negative effect on the progress of their patient. It's important to find someone who understands how you feel, really wants to help and knows how to word things. Not some *******:mum that makes jokes at your expense and then says your emotions are over the top, because you told him that it hurt you.

It's clear to me this guy shouldn't have his papers. Away with this fool, I say. Find a therapist that you like, it's very important.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
699 Posts
Occurrances such as this are what make me feel wary of therapy. I'm one of those people who never seem to find a therapist they can click with, so I've always relied on journaling, self-help books and friends with good ears. It's tough! It's your call on what you feel you are willing to tolerate, but I don't think any situation that makes you feel bad about yourself is one you should stay in.
 
1 - 20 of 20 Posts
Top