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Discussion Starter #1
i was born into a really intraverted family. my mum has SA but she doesnt eevn know it. she has been in denial her whole life . her side of the family and her parents are al lvery shy, some of them have SA to varying degrees.

i was a very shy and quite baby. everyone says i never used to cry or show emotion. i definately inheritted a bit of shyness at birth

for as long as i rememeber i was shy but when i got to 4 1/2 years old things got out of hand

my dad left us. my mum got depressed and attempted suicide by taking an overdose of paracetemol. when she got back from the hospital she was depressed for months and months so i was being brought up by shy family and a depressed mother for a very long ime

during that period i had so many traumatizing experiences with my pears, all involving rejection, criticism, embarrasment and ridicule.

i was part of a group of 5 male cousins and i had countless experiences , one after the other of the other 4 being together as a gruop rejecting me, criticizing me or ridiculing me .

after the age of 5 i became really depressed an socially anxious after what had happend. after that i had no relationship with my parents what so ever. i visited my dad once per week but we hardly communicated at all and he was no father figure.

my mum never communicated with me either, she didnt have a clue cos she was so socially anxious herslef . as well as not communicating with me she used to always criticize me and disaprove of me. and also she used to rub her SA on to me by saying stuff like, when i had a cold '' o look at your nose its so red , how embarrassing , you better not let anyone see you like that cos theyll laugh at you''

as i got older my mum married again and had 2 kids. my mum , step dad, and step siblings became one family and i was on the sidelines. i got treated differently and became the scapegoat. i got blamed for everything and also got criticized and ridiculed year after year

in school i found myself hanging round with people i didnt like , safe people. i avoided the people i liked cos i was scared of them. i felt safe around ''losers'' so i stuck with them even though i werent happy.

in highschool i found alchohol whiched bcame a crutch for my SA

when i left school i had a group of mates , about 6 of us all together. again i didnt like them and only hung round with them cos they were safe. i went out out every weekend but never without alchohol cos it was a crutch. i also used ecstacy as a crutch aswell

age 21 i lost contact with my ''friends'' and became a total hermit. but this was a good thing as i was coming out of denial about my sa and did a lot of research and searched for answers in my free time .

age 23 was the happiest ive ever been in life cos i knew how to beat SA. planned to start my 100% transformation at 23 but procrastination for years due to laziness

age 26 now and over my laziness and ready to turn my life around , couldnt be happier, appreciate being a social phobic and have grattitude for the chance to turn it all around and become the opposite of what ive been all of these years

1,049 Posts
Depressed at age 5? Woah.

It's good to see a new attitude in you. The best way to tackle any problem is with full force. Attack it.
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