Hey, thanks for the response!You sound damn close to me four years ago, minus living in BFE and being into the arts. Given your diverse interests, and the fact that you sound very intelligent, I take it you'll be heading to college after graduating HS? If so, don't worry too much; the end of the miserable, closed existence that is HS is near. I mean, it would be great if you're able to make social progress during your senior year, but even if you kind of coast (as I did throughout HS, due in part to the rather hopeless environment like you describe) you'll have a whole new set of opportunities coming up afterwards.
Specifically regarding the shame over having no contact with girls, I think you're still fairly young to worry about that, at least in the context of it being some big embarrassing deal. I have several friends who are my age (21-22) who have also had minimal romantic/sexual contact with the fairer sex, and none of them are as unattractive or socially anxious as myself; while we're certainly in the minority, I don't think it's incredibly uncommon for guys to have their first encounter in the 18-22 age range. The simple fact is, those of us who are less-than-attractive, have "nerdy" interests and hobbies, and are socially awkward (the latter two seem to go together a lot, huh?) are much more likely to fall into this group, even if we make an effort - so don't sweat it, especially if none of the girls in your town are your taste. Now, if/when we start getting up towards 25 or 28 and nothing has changed, it might be time to worry about it being truly "embarrassing" (not a put-down to anyone on here to whom that applies, since I can all but guarantee I'll be finding out for myself).
Like your first post, this sounds like something I could've written in my HS days.Hey, thanks for the response!
You're correct, I plan on going to college after graduating from Highschool. I take all AP courses and have a 3.7 GPA, so I guess you can call me a true-blue nerd! :yes I'm excited for going to college and finally getting away from this small, close-minded town where EVERYONE knows EVERYONE (literally - my parents know/are acquaintances with every person in my town - how weird is that?). But at the same time, I'm terrified - like I said in my first post, I've never been 100% "on my own". I mean, I still depend on my parents to give me rides to places.. I don't have a job, a car, a girlfriend.. Nothing. I just kind of hang out at home all day and do my own thing - which I enjoy doing, but at the same time I feel like I'm missing out on the growing aspect of teenage years. I fuction the same now as I did when I was 12 years old... :/
I'm just so, so so so soooo sick of highschool. Unbelievably sick. Some days I just fake sick to stay home because I know that no matter what I do, how hard I try or how nice/approachable I try to be to people, I will either be a)ignored the entire day or b)picked on/abused. The teachers don't care- they all just pretend nothing happens. but I'm just so sick of all the superficial bull**** of teenagers. I'm not into drugs, I'm not into drinking, I'm not into casual sex (no offense to anyone here who is, I just have other interests).. But it seems like that is all people my age are into.
Thank you again for your posts. It's really nice to have a place where you can talk/listen to stories from people in similar situations (or were).
If you don't mind me asking, anomalous, how did you get over your anxieties? What helped you out the most?
Infexxion: Sounds very interesting.. What is it called? Feel free to PM me (or I can PM you ) I've never really shared any of my work with anyone, so it probably sucks a lot, but I enjoy writing so maybe..This might be a little off-topic. You said you write screenplays. I know this online game where you can release them as virtual 'films' and cast actors and stuff into them, and see how your 'movie' does at the box office. I don't want this to be a form of advertising, if you want to know about it, PM me. Just an idea, but you also get feedback on your writing.
aw, thank you for the e-hug. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you with having OCD, and I wish you the best of luck in dealing with it. It's good to know I'm not the only one with crappy parents like this.My heart hurts reading that, as it does many stories I have read here (and I only joined today!) I too have parents who wanted to sweep things under the rug. (At 16 they found out I was not a virgin, and sent me to a physchiatrist) *however you spell it*.
It's gotten worse over the years, with adding OCD to the mix. Has deff. gotten a ton worse since having kids, and my body changing.
I can count my "close" friends on one hand. My best friend, I have never met, I met her on a game that I used to play. (MMPORG, YAY! lol).
Feel free to PM me if you'd ever like to vent.
As far as finding these online therapy services I just did a keyword search for "Online Therapy" but I don't know of any reputable agencies. I think you may have to try to find someone on your own.Infexxion: Sounds very interesting.. What is it called? Feel free to PM me (or I can PM you ) I've never really shared any of my work with anyone, so it probably sucks a lot, but I enjoy writing so maybe..
Radames, thank you! That was a great post - tons of great tips in there, I will definitely have to comb through it a couple of times.
And yeah I feel the same way when walking outside (that every jerk is staring at me / going to honk the horn) probably because people used to do that when I would walk home from school (I live relatively close to my highschool). Some people would drive by me and just honk to jump me, or yell some obscenity out the window at me, or flip me off, or throw old fast food trash at me.. stuff like that. So now when in public I feel like EVERYONE is an enemy out to get me. Almost like I'm in a warzone, lol.
I really like the idea of a live chat with a professional. The idea of a phone conversation is a little too nervewracking for me right now (even though I have my own cellphone I never answer it, for some reason I'm scared to answer the phone.. I'll let it go to voicemail, check my voicemail to see who it was, and if it was someone I want to talk to (usually just family) I'll call them back).
Do you know any place where I could find this service? Or I'll just do me own research. But if anyone knows any "legit" and helpful online support it'd be much appreciated.
The conversation dynamics you described are really interesting, especially the FUGI. Thank you for sharing.
aw, thank you for the e-hug. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you with having OCD, and I wish you the best of luck in dealing with it. It's good to know I'm not the only one with crappy parents like this.
And I play way too many MMORPG's, haha.. What I spend most of my time doing, and where I get 90% of my social interaction..