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For the past six months or so, I almost mentally blocked my dad out of my world, even though I saw him regularly and still loved him. . .

I felt as though our relationship had really disintegrated and I never really got excited about spending time with him, like I did in the past, I had closed myself completely of to him even though he hadn't done anything wrong.

I don't know if I have some underlying issues with him that I haven't addressed (the fact that he made this life decision for our family, moving to the countryside years ago - of which I wouldn't have chosen) and also the fact that I found out that he wouldn't agree to my mother having another child about 11/12 years ago, and was holding some sort-of grudge.

Quite often. . . he can get really noisy and enthusiastic about certain things and he will talk for hours on end (it's just his personality and it is a great way to be really) and I felt like he was disrupting the peace of our house and I didn't want to have any part in helping him create any more noise.

Also, sometimes. . I felt uptight in his company, because he always tried to push me too hard. . . wanted me to have a birthday party and organise all of these trips with the only friends I knew didn't really want to make time for me and commit to all of these sports and volunteer in the charity shop all summer, all of which provoked anxiety for me. . I've now realised, he was only trying to look out for and help me and looking back, the charity shop was a great idea for me really.

The last weekend I went back home to spend time with my family from university. . I told myself I was really going to try to change and be more friendly around him, and it was so easy to change, he's my dad after-all . . .

I could talk to him about anything, and he called me all of the names he used to call me and I just enjoyed been around him, which was a breath of fresh air!

When I think of him know, I'm happy to spend time with him and excited at the start of our new bond, all of those dad-daughter trips we can go on.

I love you dad, I knew I had the best dad in the world, it just took me some time to realise what I was missing through silly grudges and begin afresh.
 
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