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Discussion Starter #1
I've had social anxiety for as far back as I could remember but I was able to cope with it by having close friends during high school. After high school I lost my friends and I went through a traumatic experience that created something worse the past 4 years. I no longer can look people the in the eye while talking, I would quickly look away and people would think I am intentionally ignoring them which leads to other problems but I'm not.. It just happens.

I want to know if other people have trouble concentrating on things.. I have trouble looking at just everyday items even while I'm alone. It feels as if there is this huge pressure on my eyes and it hurts to look at anything and sometimes I have trouble breathing and experience massive headaches... I experience this 10 folds worse when I'm around people or even just stepping outside my home.. When I look at somebody for too long it's even worse... My parents never talk with me, they never were able to communicate with either my brother or me. They don't understand my problem they think I'm doing it on purpose and they even started muttering evil things about me while I'm around them but I'm not doing it on purpose!! Since I don't have any friends that can understand my situation it is even harder, and I've tried making friends but people just think I'm weird or I'm an ******* because I can't keep a conversation going... I've dropped out of college, skipped classes, experienced harassment from other people which led to more trauma.. more than once, and resorted to total isolation..

I know one thing I'm always doing when I'm outside.
"Watching for signs that people are judging us"
I'm constantly wondering if people are thinking about me and talking bad about me.

I've been experiencing depression because of this and I've tried taking medication but stopped a year ago after reading all the negative side effects, I felt it wasn't worth risking having more problems just to find a pharmaceutical fix.. I've thought of suicide but I don't go through with it in hopes that I can fix this problem... Has anybody heard or experienced my problem.. I really want to fix this so I can move on with my life!
 

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I think you should elaborate a little more on what your physical symptoms are and what exactly triggers them. It seems very serious and debilitating.

First of all, you should see a doctor. Most people here are unqualified to give any medical opinion of what you're experiencing.

And about your family... Family can sometimes be the hardest to convince there's something wrong with you. They can also be the most adamant about you seeking medical attention because "it's nothing" and "you're overreacting" (personal experience).

Another thing, people most certainly don't think you're a bad person because you can't keep conversations going. The very worst, people think you're boring. That's not so bad.

But what you can do right now is to elaborate a little more about what you're feeling. You're anonymous here, and we're all in the same boat.
 

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Mate same prob here :| :(

try setting up something you want to do, usually there is *someone* who would go out with you and just chuck yourself in the deep end in an anxiety provoking situation and hope you swim..

thats what i do sometimes and it makes me feel better but i need to wait for my courage cup to regenerate for a while after! :b Procrastination and worrying isn't helpful at all we worry about things that are not significant in other peoples lives they will just forget it if you look stupid for a few seconds or something like that...
 

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Discussion Starter #4
The best I can describe it as is that it isn't triggered but it's always there. The pressure has been there the past 4 years and I can't look at things straight. When I say that my vision blurs as if I'm trying to cross my eyes and somtimes I feel a sudden burst of feeling behind my eyes when I'm darting my eyes around. I've been to my eye doctor and she's said nothing has changed from what she can tell since the time of my prescription before this started happening. I've taken physicals and the doctor said he couldn't find anything wrong with me.

I'd like to think people don't think I'm bad but I have been harassed by individuals who were my classmates because of my problem.. They would start making weird faces behind my back and spread rumors about me that I was weird... When I look at myself in the mirror I have this indifferent look in my eyes that I haven't had before this started happening.

This also happens, when I do look at people while I'm talking with them they just start staring into my eyes and sort of stop whatever they were saying and then they'd catch themselves and continue on. I'd really like to fix this...
 

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Medication, as you noted, can have more serious negative effects than positive ones, but this is not always the case. Your situation is filled with a LARGE amount of challenge in relation to depression and anxiety, and if I were you, I would think about going on medication for the short-term so that you can experience some relief for a while and experience life. When you have worked your way through some of these struggles and feel like you can be happy and healthy without medication, then it might be time to consider going off of it once again. But, taking medication for depression and anxiety might be a very helpful option at this point, and in most cases, it is unlikely to cause more harm than good. The first medication you try might not work as well as you'd hoped, so you may need to exercise some patience while attempting to find the right one that works for you.

The thing that I would advise you to do, especially since you have considered suicide but have not followed through with it (Great work on making a good choice there by the way), is to talk to a counselor. I tried counseling twice in my life already and it worked wondrously both times! Counselors will congratulate you on your courage for coming forward and praise you on your desire to improve your life; it is IMMENSELY helpful and I cannot overstate how helpful it is. If you want relief, counseling will help you to find it, but you are the one who has to take the steps. Good luck, and if you have any questions or anything let me know!
 

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I would go on medication. My story is similar to yours and meds have helped me. Eventually you get to the point where your suicidal and you really dont care about the side effects.

I had one close friend in middle school and we just drifted apart by high school. I spent nearly all of high school with no friends and I got suicidal and my anxiety worsened alot.

If you do ever go on meds know that there is no magic pill. Pill are only helpers, they dont magically fix your brain. In my experience a combo of meds, therapy, exercise, and psychological techniques is what it takes to get better.
 
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