I've endured with social anxiety my entire life. It's terrible. I know how you all feel. I've comprised a plan for you in sort of a list form of things that have helped me exponentially over the last year. I've taken small lessons and things I've learned and put them into an easy to follow system that will make your life 100 times better than it currently is.
If you stick to this, and live by it, you will change. I guarantee it. The biggest thing is having a positive attitude through the entire thing and not let anything stop you.
Take this seriously, consider this a personal boot camp.
So here it is, follow these things in order, and your life will change forever.
CONQUERING YOUR BODY
*Health/Diet*
1. Eat 3 solid meals a day. Only eat what your body needs, no extra sugar, caffeine, snack foods, or soda. Stop eating those things completely. Things you should focus on are vegetables, fruits, grains, nuts, things like that.
For example my daily diet consists of this:
A. Breakfast: Assorted fruits, oatmeal, and water.
B. Lunch: Sandwich on whole wheat bread, and a V8.
C. Dinner: This kind of varies, but some meat like fish or chicken is always a good choice.
Get creative! You don't have to follow exactly what I eat, that's just an example.
2. Never eat after 7pm. That's pretty straight forward. Fight your cravings, and don't do it. Make it a habit of not eating after this time. No exceptions.
3. Drink plenty of water. You don't really have to follow a set limit of how much water you have to drink every day, just drink enough so you are constantly flushing out your system of its impurities.
4. Exercise every day. If you're not physically able to run 5 miles every day, start out small. Go for a 1 mile walk. Get fresh air. Do some jumping jacks. Slowly push yourself until you can do more of more. The point is to get the blood flowing, and exercise your heart. If you don't feel tired afterward, you need to push yourself. Make yourself sweat, make yourself breathe heavily. Good news is, the harder you push yourself, the sooner you'll be able to endure more and more with ease.
5. STOP SMOKING. This won't apply to all, but for those of you who do, stop now. I don't want to hear any excuses. I was a heavy smoker for 4 years (that may not seem like a lot, but I was very addicted and relied heavily on it.) and I quit. There are many websites that can help you quit, or try some nicotine gum or something. I won't go into the details, but anyone can do it. You need to push yourself to do it, even though you want anymore more in the world than to have a cigarette.
6. STOP DRINKING. People who suffer from SA know all about alcohol. Its nice. Its a temporary fix. But you all know that drinking makes things worse, yadda yadda. I'm not going to get into that, you know its bad, you know what it does. But you need to actually stop now. Quitting alcohol is far easier than quitting tobacco. Just like any addiction, it can be stopped. Alcohol is actually one of the easier addictions to quit. A lot of you may drink casually, and that's fine. If you're going to a party with some friends, go ahead and have a beer every once in a while. There's nothing wrong with that. It starts becoming a problem when you're drinking for the wrong reasons, like ridding your anxiety, or escaping reality. That's a serious problem, realize this, and stop.
7. Learn good hygiene. Brush your teeth 3 times a day. Take 1 or 2 showers daily, or when you need one. Use deodorant, body spray, colonge, whatever! Trim your nails, shave, clean your nose! Scrub your body man! To most this is a no-brainer, but for those who have kind of just stopped worrying about it, don't! It makes you feel really good about yourself to know you look, smell, and feel good.
8. Get enough sleep. Get enough so you're well rested, but not too much or you'll be groggy and still feel tired the next day. Get to bed early, wake up early. No more going to bed at 4am! I typically get between 7 and 8 hours of sleep a night, and that's what I suggest you do. Go to bed around 10 or 11 so you can wake up early in the morning and get off to an early start.
9. This isn't really a health related issue, but its important to keep your bedroom, house, working area in a tidy, organized fashion. Clean out your car, clean your windows, organize your desk, do laundry, wash dishes, etc. It's one less thing to worry about, and it keeps you busy and your mind off other things.
Here's the bottom line, you're doing this for yourself, not for others. You're not getting into shape to impress some girl at school, or work. To continue on with your battle against SA, you need to first feel good about yourself and your own body. Once you do this, other things will become easier. When considering your health and appearance, do it to make yourself feel better. Style your hair how YOU want it. Work out and run for your own personal gain!
A NEW STATE OF MIND
First of all, I'm in no way a certified psychologist, so I'm not going to go into all the details of cognitive therapy, but I can outline some major things.
1. Be postive in anything that you do. Always have a positive attitude. This isn't easy, but like anything, it can be learned. Quit beating yourself up! If you can't make eye contact with a girl you like, hey its alright man! Don't tell yourself you're worthless for not being able to look at her or talk to her. Instead tell yourself, next time, i'll look at her and smile. Small steps! And when you do it, pat yourself on the back. Seriously, throw yourself a party! Tell yourself you are very happy for going through with it and look forward. (Probably a poor example, but you get it!) Having a positive attitude about things is probably the most important thing you will ever face with your SA.
This should be assumed, but stop thinking negatively as well. For anything. Whenever you start thinking negatively stop yourself. Get busy, get your mind off it. Go clean something, build something, play some guitar! After a while, this will become automatic and the negative thinking will almost disappear.
2. Set a time EVERY DAY for a period of relaxation. This does not include watching tv, surfing the web, or other entertainment/time wasting activities. Those can be done in your own free time, consider this period of relaxation mandatory and one of your responsibilities.
This is almost a period of mediation. Sit in a nice comfy chair for 30 minutes. For the first 10 minutes, just relax and get settled in while breathing deeply almost to a state where you are asleep. Don't fall asleep though! When you're thoroughly relaxed, start visualizing yourself as a positive person in society. Imagine yourself doing the things you really want to do. Imagine doing something fun, something fulfilling. Something that really makes you want to enjoy your life. After a while, you'll start taking your visualized self, and putting it into action in your real life. Its automatic, you don't even have to try.
3. Don't overthink things. I know a lot of you are going to tell me to stfu right now, but just like everything else, its also learned. There are just some things you need to repeat to yourself in order for them to become ingrained in your mind and realized.
A. Everyone is different. Don't try to understand every tiny thing someone is doing, try your hardest to perceive things at a surface level. For example, if a guy comes up to you and says "Hi, how are you today?" with a frown on his face, try to realize he's greeting you and being friendly. If he wanted to come up to you and ask how you were doing, then he probably likes you. Don't worry about the frown! Maybe that's just how he looks! Point is, yes, body language says a lot, but most people with SA misinterpret it. Most would say he had a frown on his face because he hates you, and not even listen to what hes saying. Stick to this, and you'll gradually become more comfortable with different kinds of people, and will understand body language correctly through experience. Focus on what's happening, not what could be happening! Forget everything you've learned about being prepared for certain things, and expecting the worst. If you really do want to be good at expecting things and being prepared for things that might actually happen, you must start with this first. You'll enjoy, and be very pleased with your progress.
B. This kind of goes along with realizing everyone is different. Its like a real life thing you can test. When in a social environment, try to think of everyone else around you also having SA. Treat them as you would like to be treated. It helps you to think that you're not alone, and you can tell yourself that everyone else might be having the same problems as you. It gives you a small boost of confidence. You'll feel like you fit in better, and that you're not weird or something. This isn't a way to cure your anxiety, but it can help in certain situations. Just try it!
There's much more I could add, but I think you might get the point from this. Take what you've read and implement the ideas into your own life.
If you stick to this, and live by it, you will change. I guarantee it. The biggest thing is having a positive attitude through the entire thing and not let anything stop you.
Take this seriously, consider this a personal boot camp.
So here it is, follow these things in order, and your life will change forever.
CONQUERING YOUR BODY
*Health/Diet*
1. Eat 3 solid meals a day. Only eat what your body needs, no extra sugar, caffeine, snack foods, or soda. Stop eating those things completely. Things you should focus on are vegetables, fruits, grains, nuts, things like that.
For example my daily diet consists of this:
A. Breakfast: Assorted fruits, oatmeal, and water.
B. Lunch: Sandwich on whole wheat bread, and a V8.
C. Dinner: This kind of varies, but some meat like fish or chicken is always a good choice.
Get creative! You don't have to follow exactly what I eat, that's just an example.
2. Never eat after 7pm. That's pretty straight forward. Fight your cravings, and don't do it. Make it a habit of not eating after this time. No exceptions.
3. Drink plenty of water. You don't really have to follow a set limit of how much water you have to drink every day, just drink enough so you are constantly flushing out your system of its impurities.
4. Exercise every day. If you're not physically able to run 5 miles every day, start out small. Go for a 1 mile walk. Get fresh air. Do some jumping jacks. Slowly push yourself until you can do more of more. The point is to get the blood flowing, and exercise your heart. If you don't feel tired afterward, you need to push yourself. Make yourself sweat, make yourself breathe heavily. Good news is, the harder you push yourself, the sooner you'll be able to endure more and more with ease.
5. STOP SMOKING. This won't apply to all, but for those of you who do, stop now. I don't want to hear any excuses. I was a heavy smoker for 4 years (that may not seem like a lot, but I was very addicted and relied heavily on it.) and I quit. There are many websites that can help you quit, or try some nicotine gum or something. I won't go into the details, but anyone can do it. You need to push yourself to do it, even though you want anymore more in the world than to have a cigarette.
6. STOP DRINKING. People who suffer from SA know all about alcohol. Its nice. Its a temporary fix. But you all know that drinking makes things worse, yadda yadda. I'm not going to get into that, you know its bad, you know what it does. But you need to actually stop now. Quitting alcohol is far easier than quitting tobacco. Just like any addiction, it can be stopped. Alcohol is actually one of the easier addictions to quit. A lot of you may drink casually, and that's fine. If you're going to a party with some friends, go ahead and have a beer every once in a while. There's nothing wrong with that. It starts becoming a problem when you're drinking for the wrong reasons, like ridding your anxiety, or escaping reality. That's a serious problem, realize this, and stop.
7. Learn good hygiene. Brush your teeth 3 times a day. Take 1 or 2 showers daily, or when you need one. Use deodorant, body spray, colonge, whatever! Trim your nails, shave, clean your nose! Scrub your body man! To most this is a no-brainer, but for those who have kind of just stopped worrying about it, don't! It makes you feel really good about yourself to know you look, smell, and feel good.
8. Get enough sleep. Get enough so you're well rested, but not too much or you'll be groggy and still feel tired the next day. Get to bed early, wake up early. No more going to bed at 4am! I typically get between 7 and 8 hours of sleep a night, and that's what I suggest you do. Go to bed around 10 or 11 so you can wake up early in the morning and get off to an early start.
9. This isn't really a health related issue, but its important to keep your bedroom, house, working area in a tidy, organized fashion. Clean out your car, clean your windows, organize your desk, do laundry, wash dishes, etc. It's one less thing to worry about, and it keeps you busy and your mind off other things.
Here's the bottom line, you're doing this for yourself, not for others. You're not getting into shape to impress some girl at school, or work. To continue on with your battle against SA, you need to first feel good about yourself and your own body. Once you do this, other things will become easier. When considering your health and appearance, do it to make yourself feel better. Style your hair how YOU want it. Work out and run for your own personal gain!
A NEW STATE OF MIND
First of all, I'm in no way a certified psychologist, so I'm not going to go into all the details of cognitive therapy, but I can outline some major things.
1. Be postive in anything that you do. Always have a positive attitude. This isn't easy, but like anything, it can be learned. Quit beating yourself up! If you can't make eye contact with a girl you like, hey its alright man! Don't tell yourself you're worthless for not being able to look at her or talk to her. Instead tell yourself, next time, i'll look at her and smile. Small steps! And when you do it, pat yourself on the back. Seriously, throw yourself a party! Tell yourself you are very happy for going through with it and look forward. (Probably a poor example, but you get it!) Having a positive attitude about things is probably the most important thing you will ever face with your SA.
This should be assumed, but stop thinking negatively as well. For anything. Whenever you start thinking negatively stop yourself. Get busy, get your mind off it. Go clean something, build something, play some guitar! After a while, this will become automatic and the negative thinking will almost disappear.
2. Set a time EVERY DAY for a period of relaxation. This does not include watching tv, surfing the web, or other entertainment/time wasting activities. Those can be done in your own free time, consider this period of relaxation mandatory and one of your responsibilities.
This is almost a period of mediation. Sit in a nice comfy chair for 30 minutes. For the first 10 minutes, just relax and get settled in while breathing deeply almost to a state where you are asleep. Don't fall asleep though! When you're thoroughly relaxed, start visualizing yourself as a positive person in society. Imagine yourself doing the things you really want to do. Imagine doing something fun, something fulfilling. Something that really makes you want to enjoy your life. After a while, you'll start taking your visualized self, and putting it into action in your real life. Its automatic, you don't even have to try.
3. Don't overthink things. I know a lot of you are going to tell me to stfu right now, but just like everything else, its also learned. There are just some things you need to repeat to yourself in order for them to become ingrained in your mind and realized.
A. Everyone is different. Don't try to understand every tiny thing someone is doing, try your hardest to perceive things at a surface level. For example, if a guy comes up to you and says "Hi, how are you today?" with a frown on his face, try to realize he's greeting you and being friendly. If he wanted to come up to you and ask how you were doing, then he probably likes you. Don't worry about the frown! Maybe that's just how he looks! Point is, yes, body language says a lot, but most people with SA misinterpret it. Most would say he had a frown on his face because he hates you, and not even listen to what hes saying. Stick to this, and you'll gradually become more comfortable with different kinds of people, and will understand body language correctly through experience. Focus on what's happening, not what could be happening! Forget everything you've learned about being prepared for certain things, and expecting the worst. If you really do want to be good at expecting things and being prepared for things that might actually happen, you must start with this first. You'll enjoy, and be very pleased with your progress.
B. This kind of goes along with realizing everyone is different. Its like a real life thing you can test. When in a social environment, try to think of everyone else around you also having SA. Treat them as you would like to be treated. It helps you to think that you're not alone, and you can tell yourself that everyone else might be having the same problems as you. It gives you a small boost of confidence. You'll feel like you fit in better, and that you're not weird or something. This isn't a way to cure your anxiety, but it can help in certain situations. Just try it!
There's much more I could add, but I think you might get the point from this. Take what you've read and implement the ideas into your own life.
