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Hey thanks for taking the time to read my posting, please reply if you have any thoughts.

I am a 19 year old college student living at home with my parents and family and no one knows how I really feel. I get very depressed and lonely a few times every week and have no close friends. Zero. No one calls me on the weekends to hang out, no one visits me when I'm not feeling well, and no one celebrates my birthday with me. All I got is my parents, who love me and care about me more than anyone in the world, and my siblings who bug me but at least I have them. I am lucky to have more family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and I they're great but I only see them from time to time.

As I said, I get very depressed as I am right now, but no one knows. Over the past 6 years I've learned how to hide the immense sadness. I am embarrassed of my depression and social anxiety, so I don't want to talk about it. Even my mom, who is my best friend and asks me why I get so angry sometimes, doesn't know how I really feel inside.

I haven't been formally diagnosed with either depression or SAD, but I know I have them and I know that my SAD is causing my depression. I have no friends and no one to talk to because I just can't meet people. The second I open my mouth to meet a stranger, the person talking to me is suddenly greeted by redness that flushes my face, perfuse sweating that seems to be released from every pore on my body, and they also see the shaking and fidgeting, sometimes its light shaking but sometimes my entire body vibrates. For this reason, I spent high school avoiding people and although I made some close acquaintances that I stop and say hi to when I see them in the street, I never made a true close friend, not even one. The funny thing is, this developed at the age of 14, before that I was fine.

At a young age, I had friends at school and they were close friends who I had over at my house and even went to their places to sleep over. My childhood was amazing. I wasn't the most popular kid in middle school, but I got by, people liked me, enjoyed hanging out with me and I was just a normal kid. Then when I switched to a new high school different from that of my friends, things just went down hill. The last six years flashed by and nothing really interested happened in my life, I lost all my middle school friends, they probably wouldn't even say hi to me if we happened to run in to each other.

I don't even know how I got to where I am now, but I want to change things before they get worse, so I decided to hear from others and share with those that might know what I am going through. Thanks for reading this.
 

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Welcome to the site, JackNYC! :)

I am sure that you will get a lot out of this site. I have over the 4 years I have been here :yes.
 

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Welcome to SAS, JackNYC!

I can relate to the Sa symptoms you have described. Sweating is my least favorite :(
 

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:wel
 

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Hey Jack, welcome to :sas
 

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Hey Jack, yeah I think moving is very hard on some people. Me included. I had to move over one Christmas break in elementary school and then again between my freshman and sophomore years in high school, both times leaving everyone and everything I knew behind. The elem school move lead me to getting picked on constantly. By the high school move, I was afraid of talking to anybody. I dated nobody in high school and never went to dances or school functions. It was the most miserable time in my life. I'm a 26 y/o still single guy and I'm am still looking for answers to get out of this hell of SA and depression. Just hang in there. Hopefully we'll find something that works. :-/
 

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I with ya

I ask myself the same question. How did I end up here. I use to be very outgoing traveling all over the place with no anxiety. Now I feel stuck in my home afraid to do a lot of things. It's awful and makes me depressed to. I am newly married and fear that my husband will get tired of it and leave. I don't want to be the party pooper! And when I do go out and do things I can never seem to enjoy myself because I am always anticipating the anxiety!
 

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welcome!
i can totally understand exactly where you are coming from. i experience the exact same things you go through...the blushing=my worst enemy. just wanted to let you know that you are not alone :] welcome once again and i hope you can find some peace and good luck to you!
 

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hey thanks for taking the time to read my posting, please reply if you have any thoughts.

I am a 19 year old college student living at home with my parents and family and no one knows how i really feel. I get very depressed and lonely a few times every week and have no close friends. Zero. No one calls me on the weekends to hang out, no one visits me when i'm not feeling well, and no one celebrates my birthday with me. All i got is my parents, who love me and care about me more than anyone in the world, and my siblings who bug me but at least i have them. I am lucky to have more family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and i they're great but i only see them from time to time.

As i said, i get very depressed as i am right now, but no one knows. Over the past 6 years i've learned how to hide the immense sadness. I am embarrassed of my depression and social anxiety, so i don't want to talk about it. Even my mom, who is my best friend and asks me why i get so angry sometimes, doesn't know how i really feel inside.

I haven't been formally diagnosed with either depression or sad, but i know i have them and i know that my sad is causing my depression. I have no friends and no one to talk to because i just can't meet people. The second i open my mouth to meet a stranger, the person talking to me is suddenly greeted by redness that flushes my face, perfuse sweating that seems to be released from every pore on my body, and they also see the shaking and fidgeting, sometimes its light shaking but sometimes my entire body vibrates. For this reason, i spent high school avoiding people and although i made some close acquaintances that i stop and say hi to when i see them in the street, i never made a true close friend, not even one. The funny thing is, this developed at the age of 14, before that i was fine.

At a young age, i had friends at school and they were close friends who i had over at my house and even went to their places to sleep over. My childhood was amazing. I wasn't the most popular kid in middle school, but i got by, people liked me, enjoyed hanging out with me and i was just a normal kid. Then when i switched to a new high school different from that of my friends, things just went down hill. The last six years flashed by and nothing really interested happened in my life, i lost all my middle school friends, they probably wouldn't even say hi to me if we happened to run in to each other.

I don't even know how i got to where i am now, but i want to change things before they get worse, so i decided to hear from others and share with those that might know what i am going through. Thanks for reading this.
omg this is exactly how i feel!!! Fuqin sa sucksssss!!
 
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