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It all started when I was 10, 11 years old approx. I had some traumas in the childhood and I remember one very sunny day when it all started....

First symptom was, that I couldn't stand the sunlight's, it was hurting my eyes like a fire! One day I was waiting for a bus, damn sun was burning my eyes again, tear drops were all across my face and in that moment I felt very very ashamed, cause other people could see me.... it looked like I'm crying...

As far as I remember, pretty much from that moment, I was avoiding looking at other people eyes... Few years passed and I was sitting with the friend on the bench in the middle of the square and dude told me, don't look at other people too long, you have very sharp look, like you are staring... of course, in my mind, that made things more worse then before..

Mostly I don't have issues when I am surrounded with people I know for a long long time, but when I go out, to the clubs, pubs etc... I feel veryyy anxious, anxious in a way like I am completely blocked, locked or whatever... my arms, my hands, my neck, every move I make is not natural, is not relaxed + I loose capability to be communicative and have feeling like everyone is watching me so I need to be cautious.

This is ruining my life on a every possible level, I feel like I don't have self-esteem, no motivation, I am loosing one friend after another and I feel hopeless....

I know this is all in my head on the emotional level, but have no clue anymore how to deal with it.

I am intelligent dude, very communicative, funny etc but only when I am completely relaxed, or better to say when I forget about anxiety.

The saddest part of the story is that my clock is ticking, I am slowly but surely approaching my thirties and I'm still losing friends, girlfriends, missing millions and millions of opportunities to have a good time...

People even started avoiding me... calling me only when they need my help for something... but when I call them, it's completely different story... They don't respect me, they don't care about me, even though Im always there to help.... I forgot to say that I have a very cold look...

When I go out and see other people, I simply cannot believe how happy they are, they just live their lifes to the fullest... they are relaxed, normal, natural, they enjoy without any worries... And I say every time, lucky them... too bad that Im not like that also...

I don't want to get old and to still have this damn issue in my mind.... I don't want to say to myself one day, "Where you've been? Nowhere! What you did? Nothing!"

Cause that would be a completely wasted life....

I don't have true happiness in my life.... Currently I am in stage where I don't give a s*** about anything anymore... at least that way no one can hurt me... I stopped expecting anything good from other people...

What I could do to help myself, I don't know you tell me....
 

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Hi Mike.

The first thing you need to do is realize that you're not alone. There are a lot of people who feel exactly like you do.

The next thing you need to do, if you're not doing it already, is get professional help. If you can't walk, you get a wheelchair. Psychological issues are no different. If there's something you can take to make things easier, use them. Like you, I'm a smart guy, and I've been coping with these issues even longer than you have, but I'm at a point where I think medication is going to help me get where I want to go.

Third, the worst thing you can do is be a bad friend to yourself. Constantly dwelling on your problems gives them strength. Constantly criticizing yourself becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Get out of your head. If you never thought about your problem ever again would it still exist? I'm serious. A lot of our problems exist because we think they do. Develop a skill you can be proud of. Learning how to do something, especially if it's hard, can be a great way to deprive negative self-talk of the strength it needs to survive. Don't fall into the trap of believing that the way that you feel right now is a prediction of the future. It's not. It's a feeling. A bad dream that you can wake up from. Everything can change in an instant. It can change for the better. And you can be the source of that change.
 
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