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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
:twak

I've tried the broken record technique. The I can't hear you method. Anything else I can try? He basically doesn't want me to go back to school. But without further education, the chances of me ever finding a job in my field are very slim.
 

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How about having a frank open discussion about it with him?

If he's still not open to your feelings on the subject then it's probably a deal breaker and you should move on.

Probably not what you want to hear though, good luck...
 

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Do not allow him to control your life. A good education is very important. So is one's independence. I strongly believe that a women should not need to be dependent on their boyfriend or spouse, it allows for unequal power in a relationship.

Be stern in what you believe in, and explain honestly how you feel about the situation. He should be supporting you with what you want to do in life. Not putting you down and holding you back.

Sorry if my post is very opinionated, but I have a strong opinion on this topic.
 

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Dump him. Dump him today.

Picture yourself in 15 years from now. All too often, you'll likely envision yourself with the kids, him never being home- likely having an affair.

Your education is far more important than some chump's wishes for you. It's up to you to show the strength within yourself to him.
 

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Do what you want out of life.

I'm a housewife, but that's because I want to be, and my partner is happy for me to be (we were lucky, we both wanted a 50s lifestyle).
 

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I would think seriously of what YOUR life will look like if you marry this guy. Do you want to be you, or a version of you that helps him not feel so insecure about himself?
 

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did he actually say he wants you to be a housewife or did he say not to continue your education? there's a big difference.
what reasons did he give you for wanting you to stay home? maybe he is traditional, insecure, or other reasons.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks everyone :)

did he actually say he wants you to be a housewife or did he say not to continue your education? there's a big difference.
what reasons did he give you for wanting you to stay home? maybe he is traditional, insecure, or other reasons.
He can't seem to distinguish between me and my SA. Especially when it comes to the reason why I had such a hard time in school before. He's told me that he'd rather I stay at home and raise kids. And that I'd be better at that than trying school again. But I've gotten a better handle on my SA over these past few years and I want to go back now. Because he never went to university himself, I don't think he understands that with only an undergrad, I'm not qualified for most jobs in my field.
 

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dump his ***

OR

tell him he can stay home and raise kids and be your houseslave and see what he thinks about that.
 

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:twak

I've tried the broken record technique. The I can't hear you method. Anything else I can try? He basically doesn't want me to go back to school. But without further education, the chances of me ever finding a job in my field are very slim.
He'd have to be your husband for you to be a housewife. That means commitments would have to be made from his side. While the husband makes a lot of the decisions - this one is supposed to be discussed. Being a housewife implies, um, children.

Tell him he'd have to marry you to even consider your becoming a housewife.
 

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did he actually say he wants you to be a housewife or did he say not to continue your education? there's a big difference.
what reasons did he give you for wanting you to stay home? maybe he is traditional, insecure, or other reasons.
What he said. Are you sure you're not exaggerating? Have you ever asked him why? Do you care about him enough to go to couple's therapy with him or something and figure out what's going on, or are you so concerned about yourself that you would just leave him rather then help him?

If you don't even make any effort to help him before you leave him, then you're really no different then him.

Anyway, every relationship is about compromise and I think you're both being selfish. :b I wonder who will win...
 

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:twak

I've tried the broken record technique. The I can't hear you method. Anything else I can try? He basically doesn't want me to go back to school. But without further education, the chances of me ever finding a job in my field are very slim.
How do you plan to pay for your education exactly? And what exactly do you plan on studying? Does the plan to pay for this education include financial support from him? Do you work now? Perhaps this is part of the problem and he thinks that perhaps you will not find employment in your field even with a further education, and since you won't be able to find a job, he'll be the one paying loans off on an education that isn't used.
I'm assuming he plans on marrying you, since he suggests housewife as an idea.
Maybe instead of grad school, a vocational education in a field like computers or nursing would be the way to go for now if "your field" is something where not a lot of jobs are available. Perhaps your man would feel a little better about that. You'd also have something that would maybe help you pay for graduate studies in "your field" and give you something to fall back on in case your ambitions didn't work out the way you had hoped due to the economy.
 

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If you want to go to school and he doesn't want you to, then there's no happy compromise. I would think that the tie breaker is that its your life and your choice, regardless of what you think motivates his input.
 

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Dump him. My mom made the mistake of not going for further education or continiung her career at my dad's insistence. As a result I've watched her suffer for years after he decided to split. The same happened to one of my aunts - she went from a priviledged life to tying to learn a technician trade with two young kids and having to use food stamps.
My mom has repeatedly warned me not to make the same mistake she did, and I'll say the same to you. Don't become financially dependent on anyone.
 

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Dump him. My mom made the mistake of not going for further education or continiung her career at his insistence. As a result I've watched her suffer for years. She repeatedly warned me not to make the same mistake she did, and I'll say the same to you. Don't become financially dependent on anyone.
Must agree with this right here. :yes
Mom did the same thing and she's stuck in a job she doesn't want because she needs a degree for anything she'd enjoy.
She tells me everyday to make sure I continue my education, even if I have to take a break, go back and finish. Never rely on anyone else because if 20 or 30 years from now they decide to leave and you have no job, no money saved up, no education to get a job, well, you're pretty much screwed.
 
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