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This is the story about the begning of my anxiety. This is a draft and I could use a lot of help. Thank You.


Would you like a match between my butt and your face? Said the clerk at the convenient store. I answered “No” softly. My heart aches, my anxiety and depression began to over take me. I been made fun of being ugly before but nothing to this extreme. I walk out of the store with my head down and with match in hand I light up a smoke. I felt ashamed, miserable, unaccepted, and abused. I drove home and hide under my sheet and cried all night. “God why me? Why do I have to be so ugly and it hurts when people are making fun of me!”

They called me **** face, ugly boy, acne face, sharp mouth, cricket nose, and small eyes. They criticize me, condemn me, treat me unfairly, abuse me emotionally, and want to kick my *** physically. They are my mother, father, brothers, my friends, my teachers, the young and old, and people out on the street whom I don’t even know.

They have robbed me of my self esteem and human dignity. I felt worthless, unwanted, hopeless, and helpless. With no job and no money for plastic surgery. At age 16 I started having suicidal thoughts. I can’t bear the pain of being made fun of any longer. The only thought stopping me from attempting suicide was my family.

I have 5 brothers and my parents. We live in a small 3 bedrooms duplex. I shared bed with 3 of my little brothers. My mother labor at a Vietnamese soup restaurant 12 hours everyday and 5 days a week at minimum wage. After work, she would come home and cook dinner for us. She love us and would never complained at the hard work she did. However, I could sometime see the sad and tired look in her eyes when she watched us eat dinner. I believed she felt bad that her family don’t have enough food to eat at home while there were plenty of food at the restaurant she worked at. I believe that’s why my mother never ate at home. She want to save the food for us. We were poor and sometimes my brother and I would go hungry. The pain inside my stomach and the feeling of fatigue hurts.

My father old and hot tempered, worked at a warehouse doing assembly work. He would always yelled at my brother and I when he come home from work. At home I would get criticized and condemned by my angry father about my poor grades in school. Shy, afraid, low self esteem, sensitive, and afraid people are going to make fun of me at school. I didn’t have the courage to go to school. Every morning I wake up, got dressed, leave my house and go hide at the park until 3pm and than go home. I pretended I was going to school so my parents wouldn’t yell at me.

At the end of the 10th grade I dropped out of High School due to my absents. My father scolded at me every time he saw me. At home I lived like a mouse. Hiding inside my room and coming out night when my parents are sleeping to find food. With my dad persistent criticize at how lowly of a human I am compared to his coworker children. I tried looking for a job to help out the family. I found some temp work at a warehouse.

At work I didn’t know how to interact with anybody more than saying “Hi and Goodbye”. I didn’t know how to have a conversation. I always walk with my head down and was afraid to look at people in the eyes. I ate by myself and had no friend. I felt nobody like me and I was uncomfortable at work. Someday I can’t find the courage to go to work and end up losing my job.

To be continue…
 

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sp chick
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222 Posts
sorry to hear about this, but why is there a smiley face next to the title???
 

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Protector of the Den
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They called me **** face, ugly boy, acne face, sharp mouth, cricket nose, and small eyes. They criticize me, condemn me, treat me unfairly, abuse me emotionally, and want to kick my *** physically. They are my mother, father, brothers, my friends, my teachers, the young and old, and people out on the street whom I don't even know.
People are cruel :( You've had things much tougher than me, but I can relate to being made fun of constantly in school.

Sorry you've had such a hard time in life. Thanks for sharing. I don't know how things are going for you now, but there are plenty of understanding people on SAS :)
 
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