[Damselindistress01]

Has anyone heard of this?
ive been reading about this and it seems to explain alot to why my
depression and social anxiety popped up.
I do feel the reason to why my depression and anxiety was because
i was a middle child that was often ignored.
i have an older sister and a younger brother.
my older sister has stomach issues ever since she was 15.
Ever since than my mom and dad stopped giving me attention...i was never noticed..i would be often forgotten if i was in a room with them. My dad would tell my sister right in front me
that she was the best daughter and the prettiest...i was sitting next to her..i was trying so hard to hold back tears...i just smiled and told them i was going to sleep...instead i cried myself to sleep. My dad for some reason slowly started to back away from me...when he would come home from work
he wouldnt bother to say hi to me..but he would say hi to my sister and my brother.
My mom would leave me in the house to do all the chores while her and my sister went shopping or ate out. She would take my sister out for dinner for her birthday while i was home sitting alone.
She has never took me out for my birthday. I would sit home alone deciding if i should take my life inorder for them to see my pain and get my attention...i would think about this hundreds of times...but id think..what would i get out of ot...how would this help...i would just be dead soul after id do something like that.
my brother was the only boy so he got so much attention from both my mom and dad.
He would what ever he want and my parents wouldnt care because hes there only boy.
my siblings used to torment me and beat the crap out of me and my parents took it very lightly.

Im dont want to seem like im whinning but till this day it hurts me alot..and has effected me physically and emotionally. Since i stopped getting love and attention from home..i would look for it in a guy. i would want attention so bad that theyd end up using me.
im 20 years old now...and i feel like this has caused me so much pain till this day and will still continue. for a while now ive isolated myself from my family because i feel i dont belong..i feel uncared for...i feel forgotten...i have so much grudges towards them all. i feel like i hate my parents so deeply inside but at the same time i still love them because they r my parents.
i am deeply depressed and i feel so alone when i think back about my childhood. i hate my parents for turning me this way.

 

[WhoDey85]

I'm a fellow middle child and I would always, half jokingly, talk about how I got the shaft being the middle child growing up. The first child is new and exciting and then the youngest is the last one, so they baby them as much as the first.

My experience was no where near as bad as what you mentioned. I'm sorry your parents treated you that way. I honestly do think the experiences you had with your parents could have factored in on you developing your anxiety problems. Did you every call them out on it?

 

[Damselindistress01]

Since I started to isolate myself from them im pretty sure they know.
i know my mom knows for a fact because i confronted her about it in the past...but she blows it off saying my sister needed more attention since she was sick from her stomach issues.
I do feel my mom is very guilty inside but she doesnt want to tell me because she doesnt want to beleive it.
My dad could care less....i really dont have much of a relationship with him...it turned awkward ever since then.

 

[WhoDey85]

Well hopefully you and you mother can talk more about it, maybe even tell her, when the time is right, how you think it probably lead to some of your problems. Your anxiety/mental health is just as important as your sisters stomach.

 

[Damselindistress01]

i hate talking about it with her...just wish i can move on and be normal