[Lisa]

I havent been in a relationship for YEARS. Then I met this guy.

I make aliving by giving private tuition and now in the summer also teach languages to adults. He saw my website and contacted me. We met up at his office and he wanted one-to-one lessons once a week. We did the first lesson there and then and it was ok. I noticed that he was quite nice to me and I got a feeling that he probably found me attractive.

So the following week I went there again. I hadnt really thought about him in the mean time and was expecting a run-of-the-mill lesson. So I get there and some secretary says that he is interviewing people for a job but that he should be finished within 10 min or so. She said that she was going to tell him that I was there and I asked her not to interrupt him. After all he pays me so I can hang around for a few minutes?!

She told him anyway and the first I know about that is when he stands in front of me, smiles, shakes my hand and tells me he would only be another couple of minutes or so. He left again and I felt surprised. I am not some big client. He is my client.

Anyways - it really did take only another 2 or 3 minutes for him to be back. We went to his office and started the lesson. He was very nice to me, right at the start I realised that he definitely liked me. That confused me. I havent had that kind of attention for ages. So I am trying to conduct a lesson while thinking about whether I could like him and also whether he is attractive. It was difficult to focus on discussing grammar LOL

I got a chance to check him out when he took a call and walked around the room. Definitely attractive!

So this went on for 80 min. He was nice throughout and sometimes it got almost too much, he was nearly too eager to please.

Then I noticed that it was getting dark outside. (The lesson had started at 7pm). I do not wear a watch and few months ago I was teaching a child and let the lesson overrun by 30min because I had forgotten the time. The child's father was really upset about that and it was hugely embarassing. I didnt want that to happen again. I didnt want to embarass myself and ruin the whole thing. So I asked him if he knew what time it was. Only when I saw his reaction did I realise that it must have sounded like I wanted to go.

He told me that there were 10 min left and then 'dont worry, we are nearly done' with a pretty pained expression. OMG. Then he got up from the table we were sitting at and went to sit behind his desk, pretty far away from me. He did come back to sit across from me and was still nice but he kept looking at his watch and felt nervous. He kept checking the time and looking at me and I couldnt help but say 'I didnt mean it like that!' I even made a attempt at explaining but it was all muddled and I was confused and he wasn't up for listening.

Then the cleaner started to hoover right outside his office. The door was open and it was so loud that we could barely communicate. He regained his 'being in charge' aura then and went to shut the door. I looked at him and nodded in agreement. I dunno. I wanted him to know that I wanted to be there. He saw my nod but he wasnt receptive at all.

Then the lesson really was over. I knew that he was going to go on a holiday for 2 weeks and we agreed to have the next lesson right after when he is back.

So then he got up and opened the office door for me and said goodbye. It was really pretty abrupt and I dunno why but I said: 'dont worry, I will see myself out'. :doh I actually meant it in a nice way (as if I hadn't noticed his abruptness) He looked mortified and insisted on walking me out to the main entrance. Then he said an ever quicker goodbye and was gone.

So that was a few days ago. I am still confused and I so hope I havent messed this up beyond repair.

Thanks for reading. I know it's super long.

 

[homer]

It sounds like he made an impression on you. It's hard when an innocent comment is taken the wrong way. Don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe a few weeks on holiday will smooth it over with him. Good luck.

 

[LostPancake]

it sounds like he might be a sensitive person, being so nice and attentive and all, and that he likes you, but was kind of projecting that you were rejecting him. that's my interpretation anyway. i do it a lot.

but i could be wrong - it happens often, lol.

 

[coldmorning]

Some awkward moments always happen in relationships. If you talk to couples who have been together for a while, they always seem to have their share of stories where some misunderstanding threatened to derail everything. It's like if they can manage to deal with these things, it makes the relationship stronger or something. It makes for stories to tell your grandkids...lol, j/k.

 

[Catching Fire]

That sucks that he took it that way. At least you will get another chance to talk to him again. Maybe explain to him you weren't trying to be rude last time and you were just nervous because of what happened with that kid. I think he'll understand.

 

[Lisa]

Thanks for the replies peoples

I think about this thing every single day. It is another 12 days before I will see him again and will know whether we are ok are not.

I keep thinking that I should get some perspective on this. I have only met him twice so he might still turn out to be a jerk. He is not the last man I will ever meet either.

But emotionally something very strong has bubbled up and I cannot get the lid back on. OMG

 

[bowlingpins]

I don't think you did anything wrong, the guy misinterpreted some harmless things you said. It shows insecurity on his part. After the 2 weeks vacation, he will probably forget all this and you could start on good terms again.
Goodluck, hope it gets better for you.

Can't believe I am giving relationship advice.....

 

[soundofsilence]

I think the fact that he over reacted so strongly shows that- 1) he really likes you, and 2) he's very insecure about how you feel about him. If I'm right I think as long as you send him clear signals that you are interested you guys should be fine.

 

[Lisa]

Thanks soundofsilence and bowlinpins.

Yeah, 2 weeks holiday should help lessen his bad feelings. Hopefully they will not lessen ALL of his feelings towards me!

soundofsilence, hopefully you are right and he will still be receptive when we see each other again.

 

[Just Lurking]

"dont worry, I will see myself out" - Ouch!

I'm sure any damage done can be repaired, but I'd say it's on you to drop a pretty good hint or two that the door's open. Or go the distance and ask him when his lunch hour is.. See if he wants to join you for a coffee.

 

[odd_one_out]

I don't think you did anything wrong, the guy misinterpreted some harmless things you said. It shows insecurity on his part.

I agree. You did nothing wrong. His misinterpretations seem odd, though I was not there to view him, but keep an eye on such behaviours and don't allow yourself to be manipulated.

Edit: Just thought of another point. When with someone, you could be on the lookout for signals of reassurance that things are OK, but not receive any; this does not mean the other person is not OK with you, just that they are not conveying it obviously or, possibly, that you are unable to pick it up via the context or subtler signals.

 

[Lisa]

Sounds like there was a misunderstanding on his part. Hopefully he will be over it when he comes back. It's not beyond repair, it does sound like he is into you.

Good luck.

Thanks. I totally hope he will be over it. I want to least not have messed up an opportunity before it really turned into one. It would be a shame not to at least get to know him properly.

"dont worry, I will see myself out" - Ouch!

I'm sure any damage done can be repaired, but I'd say it's on you to drop a pretty good hint or two that the door's open. Or go the distance and ask him when his lunch hour is.. See if he wants to join you for a coffee.

I know it wasn't my best moment lol

If I manage to pull it off then I will send him low key but consistent signals. I havent had good experiences with asking men out so I would probably wait for him to ask.

I agree. You did nothing wrong. His misinterpretations seem odd, though I was not there to view him, but keep an eye on such behaviours and don't allow yourself to be manipulated.

Edit: Just thought of another point. When with someone, you could be on the lookout for signals of reassurance that things are OK, but not receive any; this does not mean the other person is not OK with you, just that they are not conveying it obviously or, possibly, that you are unable to pick it up via the context or subtler signals.

Hm. It has crossed my mind whether he is always like that. At the moment I have no reason to believe that though I think but it is something to keep in mind. He seemed more like someone who isnt so quick at letting people into his life. He actually lives not far from me and originally said that we could have the lessons at his flat as it is more convenient for me. He then retracted on that and said he'd feel more comfortable if we carried on at his office 'for a little while'. He then gave me an apologetic smile and kept on with making it clear that he liked me.

So that is why I think that he is a bit careful about who he lets into his life and my seeming rejection might have rattled him.

I dunno.

 

[AussiePea]

He definitely (as you accurately observed) saw something he liked in you and on top of that he sounds like a very professional person (the leaving his meeting early to greet you and apologise for the meeting running a little over time, all signs of a very professional guy and quite honestly i wouldn't expect any less from anyone else in a role of authority in a company).

So I suppose the misunderstanding did get to him because he would have felt slight rejection in a way, and I guess for us with various forms of SA, having the ability to recognise and repair this on the spot can be a challenge. The letting yourself out bit was unfortunate, but I can most definitely relate to those moments where you say something and instantly realise it was a big mistake but there is nothing you can do to fix it.

Realistically he might seem a little less enthusiastic the next time around but I think if you can keep up a really happy vibe during the next session and make sure you let him walk you out (and keep a watch on you and don't let him see you looking at it once) then things should turn out well.

Good luck anyway, it will work out for you!!

 

[Lisa]

Thanks. I will take everyone's advice and hopefully things will work out.

Also buying a watch next week

L.

 

[caflme]

How many more days till he gets back?

 

[Lisa]

lol

It's actually more than a week to go still. Monday, 10th.

 

[Johnny_Genome]

Honestly, I don't think you did anything that would even begin to dissuade a mildly interested guy. You kept it professional, as he was the one hiring you.

 

[Thomas Paine]

I bet if you figure out some way to show that you are kind of interested in him when he gets back then his confidence about it all will come back.

Maybe you could buy him a small gift. I don't know. Good luck.

 

[Lisa]

Thanks for the input, guys.

I will go there and be nice and will wear a watch (lol) and then hopefully things will work themselves out.