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I heard this on the radio and thought it was funny. Someone calls a mental disorder helpline and gets the following options:

For obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

For co-dependency, have someone else press 2.

For multiple personality disorder, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want,
just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are experiencing major depression, it doesn't matter which number
you press. No one will answer anyway.
 

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lol
 

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:lol
 

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:lol I'm afraid to pick up the phone and "call right now"!
 

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:lol

Lets add a few:

For schizophrenia, press 6 and tell the voices to be quiet so you can hear.

For a specific phobia, press 7 and we will try and guess what you're afraid of. (really, it'll be fun.)

For Seasonal Affective Disorder, we regret to inform you we cannot accept your call right now. Please call back in the spring.

(Is...it...Elevators!?)

For Social Anxiety Disorder, press 8 and a real person will be with you shortly......Hello? Where'd you go?

(Dogs? Is it dogs?)

For Rapid Cycling Bipolar 1 Disorder, press 9 and someone will take your call and maybe you will fall in love and get married and live happily ever after! or maybe you will die sad and lonely but no you won't be lonely! For life is a wonderful dream! or maybe it's a nightmare.

(It's boats isn't it?! You're afraid of boats!)
 
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