Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 20 of 26 Posts

·
digging upwards
Joined
·
879 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Say if I was interested in a guy, apart from being generally nice and friendly, how should I present myself as being attracted? Please be realistic as to things a girl with SA would/could do. Basically I can't "put myself out there". I'm not that surprised that I don't have a boyfriend cause I take all precautions to blend into the background.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
524 Posts
I have SA and I had to come to terms as to just asking the person out. I mean how else will a guy know? I've asked my boyfriend ," you didn't know that I liked you?" and he said , " nope, not until you told me you did"


It's simple and not simple at the same time.
 

·
Bleep blorp blop bip boop
Joined
·
3,947 Posts
Make eye contact and smile at him. That's the best way I can think of without actually approaching him. Even if you make eye contact and look away and blush, that's a good indication too. If they approach you, smile and be engaging. You shouldn't have to direct the conversation. Just don't let your body language suggest to him that you desperately want to find a way out. Your anxiety might tell you to go into flight mode, but he may take that as not being interested.
 

·
digging upwards
Joined
·
879 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Guide my hand and put it on your thigh. :b
Simple, but what if he thought I was a loser/repulsive/weird/desperate?

Make eye contact and smile at him. That's the best way I can think of without actually approaching him. Even if you make eye contact and look away and blush, that's a good indication too. If they approach you, smile and be engaging. You shouldn't have to direct the conversation. Just don't let your body language suggest to him that you desperately want to find a way out. Your anxiety might tell you to go into flight mode, but he may take that as not being interested.
That's sort of how I act with everyone including guys but it doesn't convey the message that I want to know them more

I have SA and I had to come to terms as to just asking the person out. I mean how else will a guy know? I've asked my boyfriend ," you didn't know that I liked you?" and he said , " nope, not until you told me you did"

It's simple and not simple at the same time.
Probably, that's what normal people do, but I'd just feel really vulnerable and then I'd avoid or have severe SA with the person if they rejected me (explicitly or between the lines)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,176 Posts
Smile, laugh with him, compliment him once in a while, tease him gently, and try to be a little bit physical - hug him enthusiastically when seeing him, or lightly tap his arm whenever you want to make a point in the conversation... that kind of stuff. Basically just make sure you have fun with him and talk to him frequently. You two mostly connect through conversation.

All the above is socially acceptable and won't make you look like a weirdo, but still conveys the message you want. Then, it's up to him to reciprocate. Sooner or later it should be obvious wether or not he's into you. If you're feeling bold you can ask him out, but since you have SA that might not be realistic. :b

Voila, not rocketscience, but I think that's really all that's needed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
I have SA and I had to come to terms as to just asking the person out. I mean how else will a guy know? I've asked my boyfriend ," you didn't know that I liked you?" and he said , " nope, not until you told me you did" .
What you think about it share your thinking about it .
 

·
SUPER EFFECTIVE!
Joined
·
830 Posts
Honestly, being a guy with SA, I couldn't tell you. I have been in situations where other people tell me that girls were showing interest in me and I didn't even know it.

I would guess that if you keep looking at a guy, that would be a pretty easy way to show interest. It is subtle enough that you aren't putting yourself out there, but it is enough that he would probably get the hint.
 

·
Swedish Feminist
Joined
·
3,286 Posts
Say if I was interested in a guy, apart from being generally nice and friendly, how should I present myself as being attracted?
Ask him if he wants to go somewhere with you.

Otherwise, good luck. I'm sure even among people with no SA lack of communication is the root of most of their problems.
 

·
Little by little.
Joined
·
38 Posts
Dont hint, men dont get hints. We really, really dont. At all. Ever.

Tell him straight up you are interested, I know your SA will attempt to hold you back but be strong and do it. :)
 

·
Bleep blorp blop bip boop
Joined
·
3,947 Posts
Dont hint, men dont get hints. We really, really dont. At all. Ever.

Tell him straight up you are interested, I know your SA will attempt to hold you back but be strong and do it. :)
This is the way I would prefer it too.

Personally, my anxiety does not allow me to play games. Or compete for a girl's affection. So if I get the slightest hint of rejection (even fake-rejection) or if she started flirting with other dudes, I'd probably shuffle back to my dark corner, feeling defeated. So don't play the pretend-I'm-not-interested game.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,167 Posts
Make small talk, or make lots of eye contact and smile at them. I've had that off women surprisingly, very rarely though. But I just got all flustered and walked on by without approaching or saying a word. /fail. ]

I'd really prefer to be pounced on and their tongue thrust down my throat, that'd certainly break the ice!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
524 Posts
What you think about it share your thinking about it .
I did my best to show my boyfriend that I was interested in him, I did the shoulder touch, I gave him the most attention out of anyone, and he still didn't get it. Until I told him he could do something naughty to me and I thought, "REALLY?!" of course I was being playful, but guys really have a hard time knowing indirectly if a female likes them. They need to be told.
 

·
Nope, still not!
Joined
·
3,273 Posts
Just tell me I guess, I'm terrible at reading people xD
 

·
Cynical Idealist
Joined
·
1,339 Posts
Dont hint, men dont get hints. We really, really dont. At all. Ever.

Tell him straight up you are interested, I know your SA will attempt to hold you back but be strong and do it. :)
Totally this. I'm as dense as a rock, you need to be pretty blunt with me. I'd imagine a lot of guys are the same.
 
1 - 20 of 26 Posts
Top