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SAS Master
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello. Sorry if this is boringly long.

I am a 21 year old college student. I will be going into my Senior year at the college...well I guess I want feedback, so I'll try to list some specific issues and see what advice I can get...

For the summer, I do not have a job. I have been looking for work but in a very slow-paced way and it's been over a month (I think...losing track of time), and I'm basically doing "nothing" each day by myself at home. My parents work, so I am by myself until five. I don't see anyone else besides them. Unfortunately (considering real life success), I am pretty content just watching TV, reading, playing music, spending time solely by myself, so I am very unmotivated to get out and do actual things with people.

I am concerned about my future health. I already have some arthritis for someone as young as myself, my back hurts pretty often, and my knees, hip, ankles crack often. Part of me wants to do something about this, like exercise everyday, perhaps run or swim. I live in a suburb and it is very uncrowded, but I hate to go outside and run (this is one reason I think I have SA), I feel like anyone could watch me, I just feel generally unsafe and negative about going out and doing it (even though it is a relatively safe neighborhood and I think the running itself doesn't bother me so much, but being outside and away from my house and EXPOSED does). Swimming would be even worse for me, I think, because at any pool there will be lots of people around.

When I do graduate, I've had a very long and ongoing process of decided what I want to do, but my major is general and going to more school has always been the main option presented to me. My major is preparing me for healthcare. I have somewhat of a split personality. I'm afraid of people, very uncomfortable, shy, quiet, embarrassed, restricted, etc, around people, but when I just think about situations, things like parties, acting, a job with interaction appeal to me and seems less boring. I wonder if I could "grow" into a job working with people, or if I would have emotional breakdowns. Should I be realistic, and seek a job with very little interaction because I know I would be more comfortable? Specifically, now I am considering going to nursing school, but I don't know if dealing with people, especially vulnerable people would be too much for me. What I like about nursing is it is so in demand, I could find jobs anywhere, so I could decide where I wanted to live. Also, I have seen recently that I could even work abroad as a nurse, and working abroad appeals to me. Another thing I am considering is Speech Pathology, which is also in high demand, but it is a similar situation of being a very people oriented job. My brother has told me twice recently that he can't see me doing it and that he doesn't think I am a "kid's person". What I like about that is it is also in demand and I could work at a school and get summers off and I figure I could go abroad and teach English in another country during the summers.

I have never dated. Since I was in middle school, I have used pornography and with some confidence in my assessment, I can say I am now thoroughly addicted to pornography. I don't mean that I use it all the time, but everyday (during school probably only once a week). I have read things about how pornography can change your perceptions of women and degrade them and warp how you view relationships. Having never had a relationship, and using it for so long, it is hard to be objective about it, as I am in the midst of this situation. I don't believe I objectify women, the few I was friends with at school last year, I certainly thought of as friends and as people and not as objects, however I have had thoughts that marriage is not a very appealing idea and that I would rather build a life that separates relationships and sex, that it would be better to have fulfilling friendships and pay for sex, as that seems it would satisfy both needs as much as a marriage would.

In generally, I'm very guarded and only comfortable around a very, very select group of people, and when I am alone with these people, I'm very outgoing, carefree, make a lot of jokes, and am very expressive, and I consider this to be my true self. Unfortunately, very few people see this and 95% of people that know me must think I am quiet, meek, serious, unfunny, undriven, etc. Of course, some other people feel the need to mention this by saying "do you ever talk" or "you're so quiet", and that really makes me mad, I hate when people say those things and consider people that do really rude. It's like if you say to someone upon first meeting them, "you know you're really fat". It's an insult!

My mom often asks me if I think a prescription of some kind would help. I don't know. What could medicine do for me? Could it make me less afraid to run outside, could it make working around lots of people not a problem? What do you think?

Any criticisms, suggestions, or advice is welcome....
 

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Hey contranigma welcome. :)
 

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How do you do, Grant.

Firstly I'd like to mention two things:
1) I know what you are talking about
2) I read every word you wrote, and since logically structured, your text was not in any way boring.

Apart from "I know! I know!" there is very little feedback you could be given at this (or at any other) point, but you certainly deserve more than "hey contranigma welcome"...
Let's count on someone more experienced.
 

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I just wanted to say that going to school is hard enough. So don't be too hard on yourself if you are taking a break for the summer. Your anxiety affects you a great deal so being close to graduating truly is an accomplishment.

I think exercise would be a great thing for you to do. You could maybe find a cheap new exercise equipment or an used one would do. If you rather exercise outside, even walking would be great. Start off with maybe just a block or two and then you could walk more each day or week.

Both of those jobs sound like good ideas. One thing I'd recommend is that you go see your mental health counselor at school. You can talk to someone free there about your anxiety. They can also help you with getting generic medicine so it shouldn't cost much. Anti-depressants are usually prescribed which help with more than just depression. You also might take a benzodiazepine med (xanax, klonopin) which will help relieve your anxiety symptoms.
 

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:wel

I already have some arthritis for someone as young as myself, my back hurts pretty often, and my knees, hip, ankles crack often.
What kind? At 21 I assume it's not osteoarthritis, the fancy way of saying your joints are worn out because they're old.
 

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SAS Master
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
lo

Thank you for the responses!

About the Arthritis...
Well, I'm not sure what kind...
My family on my Dad's side has a history of bad arthritis. My Grandma and Dad have trouble moving their necks and I went to my Dad's chiropractor not too long ago and he took x-rays of my neck and showed on the images what he says is arthritis, and bone spurs (very small), one on my neck and one on my rib. I was cracking my neck all the time and he said if I kept doing that, when I am my Dad's age, those joints will be worn out. Just this year, my right hip has starting cracking when I turn to the left. My joints crack a lot, but the hip is actually uncomfortable and a little painful when it does that.
 

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Welcome, Contranigma! :)
 
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