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hi. I accidentally just deleted this before i pressed send which is always an awesome thing to do:idea ha So now i'm trying to remember what i typed 3 minutes ago:)

urrr. So hi, Im 20. I haven't always been a complete ****-up. .. 4 years ago i was almost going into senior year, outgoing, social-animal, world at my feet kind of thing and then something changed. Something broke & I guess I've been crumbling ever since..
My 'journey' definitely involves an eating disorder, which i thought was the crux of it, but then that developed into body image/ self confidence issues i'd never had before, which was soon joined by the tags of clinical depression & this painful, completely illogical social paranoia which has made me this dumb shell of what i used to be, who i know i really am & what i want to be..

I am looking for some support/insight, but mostly just some understanding & to find people who know what im talking about.. ?

soul spill, over;)

xx, marian, australia
 

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Welcome

Hey Marian,

I'm sorry to hear about that. I have never had an eating disorder...so I can't say I know how you feel. However, your current feelings ring something familiar in me. I don't know how to explain it--it's like in theory, I know how to do what "everyone else" does. Within the confines of my bedroom, I am a confident, strong woman. But as soon as I leave that bedroom, everything changes and I am nothing close to what I want to be. And sometimes I fear that I will never even know what it's like to be the person I want to be. I hate leaving my bedroom some days, and at the worst I'm suicidal.

I'm not explaining myself the way I want to, and it's really frustrating. Well, I guess I'll leave it at this: I have always had social anxiety disorder, so I haven't ever known what it is like not to have a self-esteem crisis every day. But I feel for you because since you've experienced a "normal" life, it must hurt that much more to have that drop in self-esteem.

Anyway, I just wanted to say...welcome.
 

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Hey Marian :wel
 

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Welcome, 88Marian! :)
 
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