I suddenly decided tonight to try to find something online that would explain, in essence, my life and came across a page for social anxiety. Now I'm wondering if this explains why I've always felt different, like something is wrong with me. I was an exceedingly, painfully shy/awkward child that didn't make friends easily. I thought that I was past it all in college, but I think I was just drunk most of the time. Now, I'm married with kids, but I've never been able to keep friends. I've been treated for depression for years without much sucess. None of the drugs seemed to help at all, leaving me feeling more depressed that I would never feel "normal". Is it a typical thing of SA to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs? I feel like the only time I act normal is if I'm altered.