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Confused
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I can only speak for myself here, but I think that my problem is not so much 'social anxiety' but 'social annoyance'. I'm fully able to function in a social environment - I just tend to avoid social situations. I'll admit that I do fear social situations, but that fear is mixed with a feeling of 'annoyance'. Generally, I find most people's company very annoying — which is my problem I guess. Maybe I just don't see people as trust worthy. I get bored with people very easily.

So does anyone else find that 'social annoyance' is more prevalent in their lives than 'social anxiety' — or are they two sides of the same coin?
 

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What is it about people's company that you find annoying? I used to feel somewhat similar but when I realized that being with people felt as bad as it did when I was completely alone so I figured it was something else. One theory I have about the reason why I tend to perceive people as annoying is because I feel like sometimes I can't keep up with them because of anxiety, fear of being judged, and low self esteem, but in order to protect myself I would rationalize in a way that made them seem like they were the problem and they were responsible for being annoying to me. I felt like that way of thinking justified my behavior as it diverted any responsibility I could have to be sociable and placed it on other people in such a way that their annoying behavior was what made it impossible for me to be sociable. In other words, I could get away with thinking "I don't have problems with social events, I only have problems with the people who attend them".
You might find the loud one, the fat one, the tall one, the perky one, the quiet one, the older one, the thin one, or the smart one completely annoying individuals, but when they can get along among themselves and you still find them annoying individually, it is not their fault.
 

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For me it's strictly social anxiety. I genuinely like people and their company (when not anxiety stricken, of course), they just terrify me. Though when I'm next to a couple holding hands or a group of friends laughing, I get annoyed out of jealousy.
 

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In my case it's not so much annoyance, but the fact that I can't relate to most people and feel like I don't know how to interact with them normally. Lack of confidence and low self esteem plays a big part in that, I think. I've always had an aversion to people though, even before SA. As a kid a lot of times I'd avoid my friends if they called or came by because I'd rather be by myself and go play on my own. Being around others really tires me out after a while.

It could be that you're just really introverted and get drained by social interaction, in addition to SA. Or you could have some Schizoid tendencies.
 

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Maybe your Asocial? many people on here who have SA could be introverted and developed SA from the pressure of thinking we are all suppose to be social and have lots of friends. Shyness and anxiety are syndromes of those who wish they could be social and have friends but those symptoms stop them from doing so frustrating them, loners and introverts simply don't like people that much and prefer alone time.
 

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Confused
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
What is it about people's company that you find annoying? I used to feel somewhat similar but when I realized that being with people felt as bad as it did when I was completely alone so I figured it was something else. One theory I have about the reason why I tend to perceive people as annoying is because I feel like sometimes I can't keep up with them because of anxiety, fear of being judged, and low self esteem, but in order to protect myself I would rationalize in a way that made them seem like they were the problem and they were responsible for being annoying to me. I felt like that way of thinking justified my behavior as it diverted any responsibility I could have to be sociable and placed it on other people in such a way that their annoying behavior was what made it impossible for me to be sociable. In other words, I could get away with thinking "I don't have problems with social events, I only have problems with the people who attend them".
You might find the loud one, the fat one, the tall one, the perky one, the quiet one, the older one, the thin one, or the smart one completely annoying individuals, but when they can get along among themselves and you still find them annoying individually, it is not their fault.
You make good points, ozkr. Even when I was a child (6 years old to 12 years old), I used to try to avoid having friends over. When they called our house, I'd tell my mother to make up an excuse why I couldn't visit them. There was, and still is, a general feeling of agitation when someone is around me for too long.

There are very few people I genuinely get on well with. I know I'm a loner - I always have been. Although I do acknowledge that it could all be a defense mechanism. I get incredibly angry at the injustices that happen to people - especially bullying, or any type of violence. I'm actually far from emotionally numb, in fact, I generally have trouble keeping my emotions in check. I tend to judge people on the way they view the world, rather than their physical characteristics. Yes, I acknowledge that I'm very judgmental myself when it comes to all of this. I suppose I've created an exclusive 'bubble' of people I'm willing to interact with.

In my case it's not so much annoyance, but the fact that I can't relate to most people and feel like I don't know how to interact with them normally. Lack of confidence and low self esteem plays a big part in that, I think. I've always had an aversion to people though, even before SA. As a kid a lot of times I'd avoid my friends if they called or came by because I'd rather be by myself and go play on my own. Being around others really tires me out after a while.

It could be that you're just really introverted and get drained by social interaction, in addition to SA. Or you could have some Schizoid tendencies.
HA! I experienced the exact same thing as a kid, as explained in the response to ozkr. I also agree with the inability to relate to people.

There are 2 people in my life that I am genuinely relaxed and comfortable around, so its not so much that I dislike people in general, just that I dislike most people. I'm very willing to meet people, I just find it hard to find reasons to keep any type of relationship going. Friends have always said they like me because I'm 'predictable' - they generally know I'm not going to change as a person at all - if someone puts in the effort to be friends with me, I'll return the favor. Despite all of this, I will admit that I do feel starved of social contact, which is strange.

*To everyone reading this thread, I'm sorry if I'm coming across as rude or anything, as it certainly isn't my intention - this is just the way I honestly feel.
 

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(In answer to your question about your second problem-- and also keeping in mind that I don't know you at all / have never seen any posts by you before).

Based on your questions about trying to understand why you are annoyed all the time.

You may also have "Passive Aggressive Disorder".

A lot of people have mild PAD, but if it is a stronger case, you would feel angry or annoyed at people a lot.

The other thing that would go with PAD is that you would be a "button pusher" (always trying to push peoples buttons and irritate them / get to them, because you are sick of them/ annoyed or angry at them. Or feel low self-esteem around them).

Here is the tough part--

If you have (more severe) passive aggressive-disorder in combination with social anxiety disorder you will have to deal with both problems at the same time--

(You can't really overcome social anxiety unless you also deal with your passive-aggressive problem at the same time).

Seeing a therapist in this case (who has years of experience dealing with social anxiety as well as passive aggressive disorder) would be a good idea.

Other possibilities might be "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" (involves getting angry or irritated a lot, and the flash-back thing is actually more rare) or alternately, "Borderline Personality Disorder".

**Also if you have any kind of "alcoholism" or "drug addiction", that can also make you annoyed with everybody all the time too.

Hang in there and good luck! Whatever it is, seek help for all of your problems, you are worth it! :)

I can only speak for myself here, but I think that my problem is not so much 'social anxiety' but 'social annoyance'. I'm fully able to function in a social environment - I just tend to avoid social situations. I'll admit that I do fear social situations, but that fear is mixed with a feeling of 'annoyance'. Generally, I find most people's company very annoying - which is my problem I guess. Maybe I just don't see people as trust worthy. I get bored with people very easily.

So does anyone else find that 'social annoyance' is more prevalent in their lives than 'social anxiety' - or are they two sides of the same coin?
 

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I personally feel that it does have a lot to do with who you hang out with. If the people are cold and distant to you..if you don't "click" with them, then it's going to be ever so harder for you to be social around them.
 

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My So-Called Self
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For me, I do get annoyed (irritated is the better word) at people, but only when they won't leave me alone when I'm clearly avoiding talking to them. I'm avoiding talking to them because I'm scared and anxious. So, annoyance is a part of it, but it only becomes a part of it if the person persists on trying to communicate with me, which brings on the annoyance.
 

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Confused
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks to everyone for replying.

The other thing that would go with PAD is that you would be a "button pusher" (always trying to push peoples buttons and irritate them / get to them, because you are sick of them/ annoyed or angry at them. Or feel low self-esteem around them).
Thanks for the reply.

I would actually be described as the peace-keeper by people who know me. One of my biggest goals in life is to keep aggression to a minimum. Most of what I feel is bottled up.

**Also if you have any kind of "alcoholism" or "drug addiction", that can also make you annoyed with everybody all the time too.
Nope, never tried drugs in my life. Alcohol does nothing for me - haven't had any in about 6 months. Last year, I went on medication (diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and avoident personality disorder) and felt no change what so ever, so I stopped after 7 months.

But just to clarify, in a social situation, I do not stand out as 'socially awkward' at all. I can deal with social situations when I have to, I just dislike most of them. If you met me, I'd come across as a laid back, relaxed type of person. There are just very few people I feel emotionally open to, or that I can relate to.

I personally feel that it does have a lot to do with who you hang out with. If the people are cold and distant to you..if you don't "click" with them, then it's going to be ever so harder for you to be social around them.
True. I've had my fair share of horrible relationships in the past, ones in which I was the victim, as I do not readily stand up for myself. - perhaps that what sparked this. I'm not being subjective here: I've known, and still do, some really, really horrible people in my life.

For me, I do get annoyed (irritated is the better word) at people, but only when they won't leave me alone when I'm clearly avoiding talking to them. I'm avoiding talking to them because I'm scared and anxious. So, annoyance is a part of it, but it only becomes a part of it if the person persists on trying to communicate with me, which brings on the annoyance.
Yup, I've got that same problem as well - I think its about an inability to establish boundaries.

But I guess I'm still young and have only really experienced the world through the schooling system. Next year I'm off to University, so then I'll probably have a more educated opinion of all this.
 

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To me it's mostly "social Disgust" more than anything else..lol
Society, its shallowness and negativity doesn't just make me anxious or annoyed..it really makes me disgusted...like I'm pissed off from how stupid, pointless and superficial social life is
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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Yes I've put this through my head over and over again. I often question if I have social anxiety disorder or something else, although a lot of the symtoms are much the same. I avoid social situations and consistently have the fear that other people are judging me. I wouldn't second guess myself except that I find that my social anxiety doesn't exist so long as I am surrounded by people who accept me and make me feel important. I feel that there are a lot of ignorant people in this world and I tend to have a natural dislike for them. Like if I'm going to the store and the parking lot is packed with cars, I automatically assume that there are going to be a lot of axxholes running around.
 

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Confused
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
To me it's mostly "social Disgust" more than anything else..lol
Society, its shallowness and negativity doesn't just make me anxious or annoyed..it really makes me disgusted...like I'm pissed off from how stupid, pointless and superficial social life is
I think you hit the nail on the head here. I'm also disgusted by many of the social norms that are just 'accepted' by people. Perhaps I am nauseated by my own humanity. But in all seriousness, I think that the term 'social disgust' is a very strong, but accurate one.

So many times in conversations, I get the urge to say to people: "Why would you say something like that to someone? What the hell is wrong with you?" I wouldn't say that all aspects of social life is superficial - just that so many of the social games we 'play' as humans is so wrong - it's kind of like a savage dog-pack mentality. It's kind of like a form of social bullying which is accepted, which really gets me fired up. I get very angry when I see people being 'put down' by people in a power position, which happens every day...
 
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