[mountain5]

Sounds pretty dodgy to me. Sure, there's a 10% chance he has pure intentions, but then he should have gone through the extra effort to include his wife. He may not even be consciously inclined to cheat on his wife, but it certainly seems like a subconscious driver of behavior here.

I have to say, I'm not sure what the point is of having "e-pals" without some other history of friendship, intimate relationship or similar common purpose going on. Maybe if you're having mind blowing philosophical discussions, but not talking about the weather and the news.

 

[coldmorning]

I agree it sounds dodgy and if I had to make a bet, I'd say it's more likely he's up to something than not. But how is it harmful in meeting up to talk?

The comments about your spouse being your best friend is nice and ideally that is the situation. But reality is that in many marriages that just isn't how it manifests itself. It could be that the guy really wants someone to talk to and finds he can't with his wife (that might be why he doesn't want to invite her). It's also difficult for men to talk to other men about things like this... men aren't supposed to talk about their feelings. We're not supposed to ask for help or admit anything is wrong (that's why we never ask for directions- we never get lost you know). He could get a counselor but what would his wife say when the bill shows up.

Anyway, he's probably a sleaze though so if it bothers you, don't meet up with him. After all that's the only thing men want anyway.

 

[hyacinth_dragon]

An end to the not-so-dramatic drama:

"I've decided that I'd rather keep my e-pals as internet friends & don't intend to meet any of them in person. I still enjoy writing them though, its a fun and interesting hobby for me because I get to learn things about other cultures and places that I never knew before."--hyacinth_dragon

Ha. And for those of you that don't get the point of an e-pal. Its just like a penpal pretty much. Its another contact with the outside world when you don't have many friends to begin with.

Thanks for the advice though everyone. He could be looking to cheat on his wife, I don't know. He doesn't seem sleazy, but I'd rather not meet in person.

I'd like to think that all men are not pigs and only after one thing, and want to continue on with that assumption as long as I can.

 

[michellejl]

I think you did the right thing.

He is probably not a bad guy, just lonely, wanting to connect with people in real life. But since there is likely marriage issues below the surface of your platonic chats, now would definitely not be the time. It wouldn't hurt to ask his reasons for wanting to meet you when he is married. I think I would have to know to keep talking with him! But that's just me.

 

[WineKitty]

Emotional cheating? Let's say I discussed investments (a favorite topic of mine) with a married woman online. Would that be emotional cheating? Let's say I had identical conversations with a married man online -- would that be emotional cheating? The only difference in this hypothetical case would be that one is named Mary and the other is John.

I know I am a bit late on this thread but I agree with Karl 100% on this.

 

[LoneLioness]

Emotional cheating? Let's say I discussed investments (a favorite topic of mine) with a married woman online. Would that be emotional cheating? Let's say I had identical conversations with a married man online -- would that be emotional cheating? The only difference in this hypothetical case would be that one is named Mary and the other is John.

Only if you're planning to meet them in the flesh and the person you're married to doesn't know. The traveling alone to meet someone your spouse doesn't know about is the emotional cheating, not the talking to somebody online.