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I have an epal that I've been writing to for a year. He is married. Our exchanges have been short, once a week, and totally platonic. Usually about generic topics like the weather or something in the news. He hasn't said anything about his marriage or troubles with his wife thank god, but she doesn't know that he has e-pals. He wants to meet up for coffee sometime, he lives in another of the state that I have friends in so sometime it probably would be feasible. I'm not really sure if I should do that though, since he's married. What do you all think? I'm thinking of telling him that its not a good idea since he's married. Also, I think if we meet I may lose him as an e-pal, not because I lied about anything just because I may not meet his expectations or we may just have nothing to say to each other.
 

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I'd be weary simply because he is married. If he doesn't want anything physical, then there is no real need to meet in person. Unless yall have developed some super bond and he really just wants to see you in the flesh and talk which still if he is married it's kind of like emotional cheating or at least shady. I don't know, that's my thoughts.
 

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Too School for Cool
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Abort plan, that's all I can say. Abort.

I agree with what was said above, that I can't see a lot of reasons outside a physical relationship as to why he would want to meet you face to face. I'd also be wary since his wife doesn't know about this epal thing.
 

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None of us know the guy's intentions, but I don't think you need to be a genius to see that a married guy visiting a friend he met online whom his wife knows nothing about is probably not a good thing. Let's say you're married: would you like your husband meeting women he met online for coffee without you knowing anything about it?
 

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If his wife doesn't know, it's not a good idea. I wouldn't talk to a taken/married man that was deliberately keeping it from his wife because that mean's there's something up and it's not fair on his wife.
 

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resident classicist
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I wouldn't do it. If y'all were close internet friends, then I'd say sure, because coffee is pretty casual and non-committal, but so many things seem weird with this guy.
 

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Walk away. If his wife doesn't know about you its as someone said, emotional cheating.
Emotional cheating? Let's say I discussed investments (a favorite topic of mine) with a married woman online. Would that be emotional cheating? Let's say I had identical conversations with a married man online -- would that be emotional cheating? The only difference in this hypothetical case would be that one is named Mary and the other is John.
 

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^^I would agree^^ that what hyacinth_dragon describes so far does not sound like an emotional affair. If the guys wife asked if he talks to any women on-line and he said "no", then that would be different.
 

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Someone who chats regularly online with a specific person and keeps this from their partner sounds as if they're up to something. Especially if they then propose meeting that person.
 

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Après moi, le déluge
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Emotional cheating? Let's say I discussed investments (a favorite topic of mine) with a married woman online. Would that be emotional cheating? Let's say I had identical conversations with a married man online -- would that be emotional cheating? The only difference in this hypothetical case would be that one is named Mary and the other is John.
Agreed. She said it was platonic in the original post.

Have a nice day,
Kelly :)
 

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I don't think there is a problem with married people having friends of the opposite sex if they are committed to their spouse and it is purely platonic. But his wife should be his best friend, the fact that he won't tell her about the friendship is suspicious. Why not push the point and ask why before, if you ever do meet.
 

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That's sound like trouble waiting to happen. I would abandon all contact with this man. He needs to go home and spend time with his wife.
 

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If he really wants to meet, I would suggest to him that you'd be willing to meet him and his wife. First off, you two can still meet face to face. Secondly, he shouldn't have anything to hide from his wife, so her being there should be a non-issue. Third, if she is present, there is less of a chance that YOU will feel uncomfortable about the possibility he makes advances and puts you in a position you don't want to be in. If he declines and doesn't want to tell her, then I would definately avoid the situation.
 

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This question basically assumes that if a man & woman meet there is automatically a risk for inappropriate sexual activity.

What happens to bisexuals then? Do they get to meet nobody at all, since they could potentially do naughty things with either males or females, leaving them with the option of either never going out with friends, going out only when accompanied by their partner, or wearing a chastity belt when out on the town.
 

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It's quite possible to have platonic friendships like that. I have a few truly platonic friends who are married women and I don't really know the husband (I am an unmarried male). Granted I haven't met any of them online... it's only been through work or school. Even though I've moved from the area, if I'm ever back I will email some of them and meet up for lunch, etc. It's no big deal and there is nothing nefarious about it. I would not assume his intent is cheating until he actually does something along those lines.
 

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resident classicist
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This question basically assumes that if a man & woman meet there is automatically a risk for inappropriate sexual activity.

What happens to bisexuals then? Do they get to meet nobody at all, since they could potentially do naughty things with either males or females, leaving them with the option of either never going out with friends, going out only when accompanied by their partner, or wearing a chastity belt when out on the town.
I just think it's very strange that this guy, who isn't even a very close internet friend and doesn't live in the OP's city, wants to meet for coffee. It seems sketchy.
 

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Too School for Cool
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I don't think there is a problem with married people having friends of the opposite sex if they are committed to their spouse and it is purely platonic. But his wife should be his best friend, the fact that he won't tell her about the friendship is suspicious. Why not push the point and ask why before, if you ever do meet.
I think this is an excellent explanation and idea.
 
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